Stripclub on Thanksgiving? ♥

I'm thankful for this blog.

And the friend Danica who the Lord used to bring me here.
And the breakup with _______ that allowed me to have something to write about.

And GOD for being the one who lead me through that mess somehow?

When I thought I'd never feel whole all I could do was cry out and lean on HIM.

And now, the thought of _______ seem to be rare.

Something I never thought I'd see manifest in my life.

AND my blog is here.

And it serves a purpose beyond the venting and ranting.

It is apart of my relationship with JESUS.

It allows me to capture moments of my WALK and my RELATIONSHIP forever.

And to meet other women across this world who are beautiful.

Who write amazing blogs and pour out their hearts and let me into their lives.

And I just feel so overwhelmed with THANKSGIVING when I look back at last year and just the walk and the path that I've taken from 4years ago when I was at a STRIPCLUB on Thanksgiving HIGH and DRUNK  staring at a woman dancing thinking I could totally do that and I totally should but I'M TOO FAT.

I THOUGHT I WAS TOO UGLY AND FAT TO BE A STRIPPER.

My self-esteem and worth was in the negative...

And now I'm in a relationship and covenant with the Lord.

I can't understand how I lived on this earth without Him for so long.

Because going through trials and suffering is so much sweeter with Him.

But life on earth... it still HURTS. Now, I know that it is only because of HIM and HIS STRENGTH that I make it through all of this muck and gunk that sin has bred in America and across the world.

GOD IS MY STRENGTH AND MY HOPE.

And I am thankful for HIS PRESENCE and LOVE in my life.

I am so very, very THANKFUL.

I'm linking up with CASEY WIEGANDS BLOG to spread the INDIE CHRISTMAS bloghop they got going!!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

me basting my first TURKEY! It was quite an exhilarating experience!


♥CheChe

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Friday Thank You...[♥]

I've been so blessed as to have a growing little group of followers on here.
I KNOW... 20 something followers is nothing compared to you gals in the hundreds and thousands.
But to me...
I feel like I've made it!

So I just wanted to say thank-you.
To each and every one of you.
Your comments break my heart and light up my day.
And the fact that you find me worthy of reading when all I do is pretty much vent about my secrets and desires is beyond me.

BLESSINGS :)!

♥CheChe

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Just Getting In ♥

My feet ache.
My neck is sore.
My back is in need of the touch of Jesus.
Seriously. It feels like I slept on rocks :/...For about a year...

But I have a job :).
Well, two jobs to be exact.
I am able to drive to those two jobs.
My car hasn't been impounded....yet.
I have a phone capable of doing really radical things.
My legs work.
I can smile despite the mean customers that the world has been throwing me at work.
I can breathe because the Lord first breathed life into me.
And I can say that I am thankful for this busy and long 14 hour day Lord.

One of the things that I am really feeling overwhelmed by right now is HIM.
I can be such a brat and become so anxious and worry.
But HE is GOD.
And I am His.
At this moment in time I am sitting in the palm of HIS hand and HE is smiling down on me.

So CheChe is going to stop worrying right now.
And just start LOVING.

LOVING MY SAVIOR.

My sweet, sweet savior.

Goodnight Loves! 

Thank you all for your encouragement and prayers.

I truly covet each one of your precious little faces :)!!

♥ CheChe

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Grace All Around Me [♥]

Yesterday was full of grace.
I am blessed that my eyes were open enough to see it surrounding me.


Yesterday His grace was...

• Covering my tardy. I slept past my alarm and ended up arriving late.
• He is the reason I called to say I was running late and didn't panic and say I was sick.
• The reason I didn't get in trouble and everything ended up working out perfectly as if I hadn't showed up late.
• Behind my only sale I had at the bank.
• Behind my BONUS sale I made at my second job.
• The reason I didn't OVEREAT!!! :). And logged my food in consistently.
• The reason I got into my word even if for a few seconds before work.
• The reason I lit up at the words that are written within HIs Holy Book.
• What covered me and kept my thoughts pure.
• What sought me when temptation reared its ugly head.
• What delivered me...
• What has always been there but allowed me to visibly encounter it.

His grace is enough for me.
And yesterday it was ALL AROUND ME.
Thank you Lord.



Do you not just LOVE the Grace of God?
So unwarranted but overly abundant!  

♥CheChe

Enjoy your Friday lovelies :)

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Creativity!!! ♥

It is soooooo hard to be creative.
I know that this is something that I happen to have. To my knowledge at least, all of us weird people are creative.
Right?
I'm sure there are a few odd-balls out there who lack the ability to EXPRESS their creativity clearly.
But Creative they are nonetheless!

Basically y'all, this here lil blog of mine (I've always wanted a southern drawl. please don't judge)
is getting an EXTREME CHE MAKEOVER.
BUT... My only problem is I am too broke to ask someone to do it for me.
ANDDD I am such a control freak that I doubt someone would be able to afford me.
Seriously. We would have to shoot back and forth emails for a year until I probably approved.
NOW IF IT WERE FREE that would be easy.

Anyways, I've been slaving away (okay maybe not THAT much) on this blog.
Trying to get the look and feel that I have been lacking finally together.
But it is soooo extremely difficult.
FONTS!
TEXTURE (or pictures)
LAYOUT....
This is too much.
I just want a beautiful pink filled blog (sorry for those who hate pink but it ain't going nowhere lol) that shows the joy I  have for my savior and the life I'm living with Him.

BUT that obviously is asking a lot.
Or I am a perfectionist and too prideful to just have someone do it for me.

How are you all doing?

OH AND BTW... DO YOU LIKE THE NEW NAME??????
I felt it reflected my personality a lot more. And also since I am so random in what I write to you all about I felt it was an accurate title for my various rambles, blabs, rants and epiphanies.

Well, I pray you all like it because I kinda do. A lot... Plus it has my name in it :). The annotated version of CHETREANNA. :)


Look out for my new header coming soon!!!

OH, and I am seriously so blessed by just the last few blogs I wrote. Letting you guys in on a really difficult time I believe really helped me cry out and fall on my face before God and truly receive His forgiveness and love. I don't know how He did it, I wish I could see the formula and method so you could all KNOW exactly what I did but it was just Him. He just showered me while praying last night with just grace and love. I am so blessed to have a GOD who blesses us for NO REASON at all. Only for the simple fact that He loves us!! And I can boast in Him and say that NOTHING I have done or will ever do can make me anymore loved or less loved by my Father in Heaven.

THANK YOU JESUS!!!

♥CheChe

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Thank you ♥ !!!

For your sweet encouraging words on the previous post. I was sure that I had just ended my bloglife by confessing that to you guys. And I do apologize for the depressed temperament that it was written in. I actually was under the influence of guilt, shame and lies as a few of you pointed out. The "UMBRELLA" of grace was definitely nowhere to be seen but I have learned something very pivotal to my walk.

When my life seems out of control and I am struggling (not with sin) but with letting GOD be sovereign and work everything out sometimes I tend to turn inwards to CHE and see what Chetreanna can accomplish in THE MEAN time while God is at work. And then I make quite the mess and recently fell into quite the sinfully bad habit.

But you ladies reminded me of that grace we walk in. And that grace that I often can't fathom BEING ENOUGH. Or else, why would I try taking matters into my own hands??

God is bigger then all of this. And I will not give up on myself. I will continue to walk to the best of my capabilities and love with all of my heart. Though I do not understand how God could die for me I know that He did and that He rose again not just to someday bring us home but that we ourselves WOULD RISE IN HIS DEATH as new creations.

My prayer is that GOD would break my heart continually. And renew in me a fully spirit driven life. That I would not stray from His plans. That I would not sin against Him. For HE IS MY GOD. And it hurts so much to disobey Him.

I know in blogworld we can often come off as extremely strong and perfect and flawless but I do have bad moments in the midst of amazing days. I am Human. And I really appreciate the fact that despite how weak I can be that the Lord has given me an outlet with real women who could care less about perfection.

From the bottom of my heart THANK YOU LADIES. God is doing great things. This I know.

♥cheche

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I appreciate you Bloggers ♥

Can I just say gals.. How ridiculously EASY it is to get caught up amongst each other.
We just naturally love talking about our flaws and lingering and dissecting them.
I have tried to avoid discussing myself negatively but I am so easily swayed in this area.
I find myself dreaming of going on WEIGHTWATCHERS... Talking to a co-worker about whose butt is bigger?
I mean seriously!! How unattractive, am I right?
And worst of all my Messiah, Jesus, GOD, our SAVIOR is nowhere to be seen or heard of in these moments.
I simply give in to the flesh and talk "FAT" with whomever is willing to humor me with their own sad story.
Yes. I am once again complaining and whining but you know what?
THAT IS WHY I LOVE HAVING A BLOG!!!
The fact that you beautiful and intelligent (AND PRETTY DARN CREATIVE IF I DO SAY SO MYSELF) women want to take a moment out of your day to look into my little corner and nook of the internet world and read my craziness is only a blessing that reflects Gods grace because I certainly can't find any reason why y'all precious bunch of ladies would follow me. I sometimes wonder if I would follow me? You know... In an objective sort of way.

Anywho, WHEW!!! Thank the LORD that I have an outlet. THANK THE LORD that yesterday has passed and tomorrow has come because HE HAS PLANS for me today. THANK THE LORD that I can come online and be edified, encouraged and truly entertained by women taking time out of their lives to let others in. You gals really bless those who walk on in to your little space along the way. You guys are amazing and I honestly enjoy coming home to my blog. As well as, my bible, my books, my bed...

I just truly appreciate having a home to come to at the end of these long days. I love my life right now. I don't know what the LORD is doing and what HE has planned or purposed out of all of this but I pray that I would be strong and that I would be made strong in Him and not in myself. I really love nights like these. Nights where I can only believe because nothing really makes much sense. Bricks are definitely being layed but I have no idea what God is building in my life.

Can I be a girl for a moment??

I am just going to keep it real.

I would love to be married soon...  Someday...
I would love to have a godly man to hold hands with.
To tell about my day.
I would love to have him look into my eyes and ask me to pray.

Yeah, I am quite the sap.
And yes I just said "to hold hands with".
I think holding hands is the most intimate thing... It just makes me want to cry just thinking about it.

Oh. But guess what.
God wants the same thing from me!! Oh wow. I only just thought of this.
But the desires I am honestly sharing with you guys reflect the Lords love for me.
He wants to be married. To be united in one with me.
He wants to hold my hand.
He wants me to tell Him about my day...
And He wants me to look to Him and pray... more each day.


How great is our God...?


I Love You Lord.
Your will and your ways are perfect.
Forgive me for wanting to jump ahead of you so often.
Thank you for this day Lord.




♥CheChe

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Find this on FACEBOOK PLEASE! ♥

I am extremely exhausted.
Took Spin Class today and Tuesday and boy do I feel the consequences, much needed but consequences nonetheless, of those two decisions. 

I am very thankful to propose the question of you taking the time to like the I AM FREE page on facebook. It is a page that a dear sister of mine started running and promotes the freedom from the bondage of sin, mainly EATING DISORDERS, through Christs ultimate peace and comfort. 

This is the first public display of my testimony and although it may be small to some I am so blessed to know that GOD is using my life to bring glory to Him. If you click "LIKE" on the page and then scroll down you will hit the link to my testimony posted on the SILENT NO MORE website I believe. 

God is really pouring out His spirit in great and unfathomable ways to reach the hurting and lost. I know we all want to be used so continue to encourage, exhort and correct each other in the loving way Jesus Christ would have you amongst your family, church family, friends, co-workers and neighbors. He is begging to use us but we must FIRST be willing right?

Probably taking a bit of a break until Saturday or Sunday. I'm on PAID TIME OFF until Tuesday at work so I am going to do my best to rest and relax :). 

PRAYER REQUEST:

1) time God wants me to leave work for Africa which has a possible 6week-2month window.

2) peace over financial situation and just overall surrender of finances to him "render to Caesar what is Caesars right?

3) a genuine love for the lost and burden to pray for the unsaved and saved

4) TO BE SET FREE MORE EACH DAY IN HIM!

love you ladies 

♥Chetreanna/CHECHE/Che♥ so many names for a crazy lady. hahaha

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Feeling Dead ♥

Romans 6:4 "We were therefore buried with him though baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the father, we too may live a new life."

Excuse the blunt blog title but that is exactly what came to mind this morning. I am not going to sit here and put on the false pretense of understanding Romans with great ease. Oh no, this is something that I have struggled with accepting and also something that my pride is being broken of. 

Growing up in the earliest years I can only remember being an A student and constantly being acknowledged for the intelligence I possessed that made me a tad bit above average. However, although I eventually became a wreck from 7th grade onwards and never really got back on the right track with grades throughout High School, the mentality that I am above average never left me. Hence, this is how the smart___ that I was known to be the later years of adolescence came about.

Now that you have a brief history you can understand how I struggled and almost wanted to over look Romans. Chapter 1 and 2 were vicious and the apostle Paul, chief of sinners, does not hold back the knowledge he had of being raised and educated in the finer things in life. He was indeed a well learned man and it is displayed throughout the New Testament in his many writings. This is something that I have only recently come to accept. Paul can write in a way that makes me feel out of place. Less than mentally. And that my friends is one of my biggest fears.

I fear the perception of others in regards to me in a detrimental way at times. The Lord has brought me pretty far but I still struggle with wondering how I am being perceived. In early life I had my intelligence. That is what I clung to. Although it didn't show in my grades I was constantly feeding it. I was a searcher of answers and discoverer of truth. It was nice to come to class having not done my homework *except in math* and participate and debate the topics at hand. That was the rock I stood upon and it made me feel just a bit less secure and a lot more brilliant in the eyes of others. Romans is just something that Jesus used to reveal this to me. It has always been in me but when you are praying for the Lord to break you of all things not of Him, for God to reveal Himself within you, to be transformed more into His image... Well, your bound to start seeing the things about yourself that once were not bothersome as quite irritating.

I praise God for His Holy and living word the Bible. I praise Him for answering each and every prayer. He is swift to deliver guys, let me just tell you that. And today in Romans when I look at how I am being buried in the death of Christ so I may live in His resurrection I'm struck with the feeling that I just don't feel quite dead. I mean I know I am forgiven, sanctified by my belief, and justified by my faith but I feel as if I am in the grave unconscious and not FULLY DEAD. 

This is my hope as I press onward to the goal. This is my prayer today Dear Father. I want to be DEAD IN YOU fully. I want to be consumed in every endeavor and every ounce of my being Father. Show me my pride so I can pray to surrender it. Show me my barriers and hindrances in this walk of mine so I may grow in abounding grace through you. SHOW ME FATHER WHAT AND WHO YOU WANT ME TO BE!! Apart from you I am but dust Lord. Resurrect me in you so I may truly "live a new life" in you Lord Jesus.

Now I know He has already done great things but you guys I am a greedy little thing. I want more. I crave the Lords nearness and presence. I crave His healing powers. If you knew you had access to the Creator of this world who still lives wouldn't you be just a BIT needier than usual.

I ask you believer, or unbeliever, to utilize the beautiful tool we have in the power of Christ. Don't let your pride keep you from surrendering more of yourself to Him. Don't let your life be mediocre in living for the God of this universe. BE all you can be fully in Him and He will ROCK YOUR WORLD. It hurts to be refined but how else does one make precious metals such as gold?? Be broken for His healing powers and you will never regret the weakness within. 

Lord, I want to be dead. Thank you for showing me just how much I need you. Even when I at times think I am doing great and lacking nothing I thank you for showing me just how weak your creation is. I ask you to strip me of my pride and raise me up into the beautiful woman, future wife and mother that I will someday be. Teach me to use my gifts father for your glory. Transform my life Father! I am so overjoyed in who you are and what you plan to do with me. Thank you Lord for your death in which I am made alive.

Amen

♥cheche 

Have a blessed Thursday...

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la la la love♥

FALL! It has arrived :). I can see it in the winds breeze and feel in changing colors all around me. CREATION is changing right before our eyes! How amazing.. I found this picture on GOOGLE. It reminded me of the lake I walk around out here in California and the leaves that will soon be grazing every inch of certain streets :).

I didn't get much sleep. Perhaps it was the coffee I drank at my friend DANICA'S lovely church. I do regret not trying these DOUBLE CHOCOLATE MACADAMIA cookies they had. I was just so excited to be around new friends and believers that I absentmindedly overlooked what is usually my MAIN FOCUS of any type of fellowship. he he It was a great night and although she had to wake up at 6am the next day she allowed me to ramble on (like always) until the lights were literally TURNED off during my conversation. I can not stress enough the joy that comes from talking to men and women who are CHRIST centered. It just overflows from within them and I just sit and lap it up for hours. I am excited to see what GOD has in store for all of his children who are on fire for him. MAY THEIR FLAMES NEVER BURN OUT AS THEY AWAIT THE BRIDEGROOM :).

Did I mention when DANICA picked me up she was blaring FRENCH music. Oh, does she know how to speak to a woman's heart. I could not have enjoyed the background music enough. I guess I am so used to riding around with friends who play the AWFUL *yes I am calling it awful* garbage radio where you will hear the same song 5 times in 15 minutes. LoL. IT was just refreshing and definitely a highlight of the evening.

You guys I have a confession!

I did not study the WORD yesterday morning, or the day before... I actually have not got into the word on my OWN time in a couple of days!! Yes, I know! I feel the very same way. MY head just works better when I am in the word cada manana. It is the only way to have that deep filled joy throughout a hectic day. Wake up with the word of GOD Che. Goodness how hard can it be? Yet, I have managed to NOT do it for a few days. Am I perfect? NEVER WILL BE! Am I DOING ANYTHING WRONG? Not necessarily. I just personally feel so convicted and just different when I am not taking time out of my personal time to put GOD first. There I got that off my chest! Now I can update you all on my lovely bike ride to STARBUCKS :).

THIS MORNING I woke up knowing I needed a nice long ride around town after class. I just knew it would be the beginning of an amazing day if I did. So I strapped up my books and went to MATH class. Then headed to the computer lab. It was a bit hot today so I was in no rush to leave the AIR CONDITIONED room. Finally, I logged off and headed to my Beach Cruiser. I would name it but it is still legally my mothers beach cruiser. So naming it would feel... just wrong. I rode to the bank first which was a joy and blessing and I ended up leaving feeling ENCOURAGED. Long story short the sweet, young lady at the teller window said I looked adorable riding up on my bike and that she thought I was a MODEL walking in. I then told her every woman looks like a model in 4inch heels. (No, I have not yet mastered receiving compliments. lol) It was a lovely withdrawal. I decided to avoid the city (aka the streets) as much as possible today and took the bike path that leads you through tunnels and away from the streets. It was beautiful just riding and sight seeing. I enjoyed a CRANE that was in the middle of the road and stood and watched it. How can you deny creation when you see animals like CRANES? I praised GOD for the sight and went on my way.

After much thoughtless riding I made it to my destination. A Starbucks that I enjoy. My mission. TO get a pumpkin scone warm. The target was there and I decided to also attack a ICED pumpkin latte. Oh! They had free pumpkin cheesecake muffin samples too! I will be buying one of those very, very soon.

To complete the ride I didn't purchase anything until i had walked around the center. I stopped in the beauty store and did my makeup for free at the counter, tried on scarves and some fall tops at a clothing boutique, then sat in the sun staring at the trees and flowers that were blooming.

I sat at Starbucks for roughly an hour before getting on my bike and heading home. The pumpkin scone is SCRUMPTIOUS y'all!! You must get over to Starbucks, I don't care if you hate the coffee, personally, I believe they have burnt tasting coffee so I stick to espresso drinks or teas. But please do not miss out on the scone they are only carrying during FALL. You will not be disappointed.

That was pretty much what really made my day. Plus I got to hear some amazing conversations, as usual. And I also felt kinda fly walking to my bike and turning around to see a nice looking man staring at me with a smile full of interest. He wasn't ogling like typical, pervy man. He seemed genuinely just attracted and you guys I felt so lovely at that moment. I know it was GOD working in me because I have always taken looks from men as either full of perverted, lustful thoughts, or that I must look horrible if they are looking at me. God has really softened my heart to the point where I can accept another man's stare without JUMPING to conclusions about why I don't deserve it or putting a negative spin on it. It really is the small things that put a smile on my face these days. I felt confident in my sweater wrap and high heel boots and jeans. I can remember how in high school it was impossible for me to feel beautiful unless I was displaying some.. erm.. SKIN. I couldn't find the right word but that sums it up pretty well. 

Oh, Lord! You have taken me so far. I know you will finish this work you have started in me. I thank you so much for a blessed day! And I pray for my pastor tonight to speak your words and not his LORD so that many more will come to know you and the peace that comes from you! 

Be Blessed this FRIDAY!

♥cheche

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thank you, I love you, Good-bye

I haven't taken new pictures in a while :(.
I haven't felt that comfort that comes from being held in a while.
I haven't felt hopeless, like my heart will never heal :).
I haven't felt like the prettiest woman in the room/restaurant.
I haven't cried myself to sleepiness in over 3 weeks? :)
I haven't not wanted to know what he was doing and if he misses me...
I haven't worn heels just because in a couple of months.
I haven't wanted to live in my sweats in about a month :).

Slowly but surely I'm beginning to remember how to live without having a boyfriend. The ex was my first boyfriend.
My first "I LOVE YOU" face to face.
My first to hold my hand in PUBLIC.
MY first conversation about MY PAST.
My first person to tell secrets.
My first person to trust.
My first...
My only...
 all of these things I am able to miss less and less each day.. 

Maybe if I had been like other girls and pursued relationships in high school--
It would still hurt as bad, huh?
Well, truthfully, I don't feel so much pain these days as I do feel lonely and some
times afraid. Lonely because I'm still talking myself out of calling him just to say "HI".
Afraid because I don't know when I will not think about him. When the thought
of his face or name won't bring me to this fantasy world where we are made for
each other and life is "perfect".

Reality is, we are not together.
We have not been together since November when I should have been faithful to my decision and allowed us to "BREAK UP".
The way every other couple does and has to.
But then you told me you had gone on a date and were already talking to a couple of other women and I had to let you back in and know that you were MINE and I was YOURS. That was the beginning of our end that I refused to accept. Instead of recognizing that any guy who is already talking to other women so quickly is probably not the guy your going to somehow end up marrying. lol. ahhh I guess my age really shows
when I look back. I wanted the idea of what we were more than I wanted to accept the reality of what we were.
Two people on very different paths wanting very different things. I was on fire for CHRIST burning to be with a man JUST as crazy about JESUS as I was but you had your own path with God to walk. It wasn't for me to help you with or teach you about. God was going to show you on his own.

I'm sorry I couldn't be strong and let go of you. I'm sorry I wasted so much timebreaking up with you then wanting/taking/allowing you back. I'm sorry I slept with you and gave a piece away without thinking (thank you lord for allowing me to be forgiven). I'm sorry I hurt you with my crazy emotions and defenses. I'm sorry I couldn't trustyou the way you wanted to be trusted. I'm sorry I'm still in LOVE with you or whatever this is. I'm sorry I didn't pick up your call, but the sound of your voicetakes me to a place that is NOT REAL. You were my best friend. Which makes it so much harder to accept. We don't belong to each other and we never did. WE belong to GOD. And only through him and allowing HIM to be my number one can You or I ever have the relationships we deserve in this lifetime.

I love you. I don't know if I'll ever NOT love you. But I can let you go :). You were an amazing part of my life. You loved me at my lowest point in life. You helped me through some dark issues. And now, our season has passed. I hope she treats you like a king. I hope she's beautiful and has a heart for GOD that allows her to give you all she has. I hope we can be friends one day. Real friends. Your amazing and I pray nothing but blessings your way. I wouldcall you and tell you this..But my heart can barely stand it when we do "TALK".

Please understand. I'm not going to be selfish anymore and use you to FEEL loved or to FEEL anything. GOD will FULFILL ALL OF THAT AND MORE. I HAVE FAITH IN HIM. Your free. THank you for being there for me. 

 LOOK TO CHRIST AND NOTHING BUT GOOD WILL COME YOUR WAY :). 

adios senor..hehe

♥

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