No Apologies ♥

For the things I cannot be.
For the way I cannot do things.
For the heart that beats within me.

I will no longer feel sorry about this last one.

That I love JESUS CHRIST more than I express.

More than I show my family at times.

More than I show my co-workers.

More than I show other Followers/Christians/Disciples...etc.

I will NOT apologize...

I cannot APOLOGIZE.

To apologize is to DENOUNCE the life I've freely been given.

OLD MISSING CHAPTERS BIBLE. R.I.P

oH, HEY new lovely clutch looking bible ;).

I won't keep quiet as you taunt others who shout HIS name from rooftops.
"FOR THEIR 'RELIGIOUS' BEHAVIOR".

What I seek is not religion from my LORD.
I SEEK HIM.
FULLY, 100% HIM!!!
I desire to know HIM.
TO be more like HIM.
TO touch His face.
TO wash His feet.
I DESIRE HIM MORE THAN I COULD EVER FULFILL.

I can't keep quiet.
I must tell you this.
I must tell you that MY LIFE IS NO LONGER MINE.

I must tell you that despite myself and my weaknesses and flaws HE IS ALL THAT LIFE IS WORTH LIVING FOR...

I am not the girl who is perfect.

I am not the woman who has it together.

I am not the friend that always loves you right.

I am not the daughter who cleans up perfectly after herself.

I am not the sister who remembers to turn off the hallway light.

I am not the sister who is as responsible as you need her to be.

I am not the sister who was available for 10 years of her life.

I am not the daughter who maintained a 4.0 gpa after elementary.

I am not the daughter who loved you enough in Middle School.

I am not the daughter who made you proud throughout highschool.

I am not...
I am not...

As tears fall down my face, I plead with you...
To know that I cannot apologize.
I just can't live in this apologetic state for you.
I can't live to please you above HIM.
I can't fulfill this idea of what you need me to be.

I can tell you that I try.
I truly, truly try and constantly find myself doing it all wrong.
Not doing enough.

I see who I am.
For the last 12 years I have seen myself through YOUR eyes.
ALL OF YOU.
That is the idea of myself I have been carrying.

But I can't anymore.

I just can't carry that weight.
I can't hold myself to your view because it breaks my soul to try.
It breaks my tear ducts as the flood flows heavily.

It just hurts, because JESUS is all I can give you.
And even that I DO NOT DO ENOUGH OF.


I will never be a size XS or S.
I will never be a model.
I will never be rich.
I will never be "IMPORTANT".
Whatever that means.


I'm just really feeling heavy hearted right now guys.
I won't apologize for this rant despite the urge too.
I'm just so sick of trying to live to please people.
I'm so sick of myself and letting myself down.
I just want to share the LORD.
I just want to share LOVE.
I just want to...
I don't even know how to explain this all.

I am not apologizing. He is the way, the truth and life.
I CAN NOT BE ASHAMED.
I will not be discouraged.

By His marks, I am healed and sealed.

semi-formal night

I just ask you all for prayer.
For my walk.
For my family.
For my mind.
And for my LIFE.
I just ask you all for prayer.

Thank you.

♥CheChe 

click here to see what I participated in and info on how to read all the other ladies who BLOGGED across America and warmed cold hands and hearts this past week. REALLY BLESSED ME :).

The pictures are a collaboration of what I've been doing on my vacation that ends this coming TUESDAY. I'm not too good at taking pictures outfit wise but I got a full bathroom shot of an outfit I wore to do something sometime this week. :) blessings!

Read More

A Girl Can Dream

So I had a bit of WARFARE tonight after work. 

I was quite sure that what the enemy was creeping into me head was perhaps... TRUE?

Thankfully I received encouragement and prayed through the depressing fiasco.

1John4:4[...] " He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.""

And I choose to believe Him and say SHUTUP to the one in this world :). Thank you Lord!

I did find some things that Caught My Dream Eye today. I thought I would share them with y'all since I never have the motivation or willpower to do anything but blab. In light of my newly found motivation here are some dreamy pics. (Or random things that just really get my brains visual cortex LIT up with excitement.)

mmm. P!NK cake...

I actually am not a cake fan. My wedding will most likely have an alternative. But doesn't this picture make you want to give cake a try no matter where you stand with it?? Sooo creative and alluring...

if only...

 I could never pull these off for more than 4 hours BUT the soft pink and high heel does really excite the pink lovin girl in me. I don't have anywhere in mind to wear these but I believe the idea of owning them and wearing them effortlessly is where the thrill comes from. Plus... they're pink. (sorry for all pink haters...But You don't choose the colors you love :/)

doesn't it look lovely there?

I would really have no clue as to how to operate this device with any artistic grace. BUT, I am definitely an art appreciator. I love looking at all of your inspiring photos (especially when you've taken them yourself!) and I enjoy snapping photos on my own. However, there is no camera for me to do that any longer. So I will be praying to come across one of these lovelies and start taking photos of all the things that catch my eye throughout my days on this earth. Teeheehee

ThankYouLord ♥

The great part about this post for me is that I don't feel half as bad as I did BEFORE I got all creative and such. Plus, these pictures, which I took from HERE ♥ ,are so lovely all on their own. The last one was just a little reminder from GOD. I get so worried about myself and forget just how much LOVE is covering me each and every day. I like posting hearts all over my heart because I know how it feels to forget to smile and see something silly and use those MUSCLES. I know how it feels to wake up wanting to stay in bed and get on with the rapture. I know how it feels to LIVE on Gods green earth and have sensitivity to all the evil and just plain filth that surrounds us. WE have something so great in GOD. Tap into Him and be filled with LOVE...

Read More

la la la love♥

FALL! It has arrived :). I can see it in the winds breeze and feel in changing colors all around me. CREATION is changing right before our eyes! How amazing.. I found this picture on GOOGLE. It reminded me of the lake I walk around out here in California and the leaves that will soon be grazing every inch of certain streets :).

I didn't get much sleep. Perhaps it was the coffee I drank at my friend DANICA'S lovely church. I do regret not trying these DOUBLE CHOCOLATE MACADAMIA cookies they had. I was just so excited to be around new friends and believers that I absentmindedly overlooked what is usually my MAIN FOCUS of any type of fellowship. he he It was a great night and although she had to wake up at 6am the next day she allowed me to ramble on (like always) until the lights were literally TURNED off during my conversation. I can not stress enough the joy that comes from talking to men and women who are CHRIST centered. It just overflows from within them and I just sit and lap it up for hours. I am excited to see what GOD has in store for all of his children who are on fire for him. MAY THEIR FLAMES NEVER BURN OUT AS THEY AWAIT THE BRIDEGROOM :).

Did I mention when DANICA picked me up she was blaring FRENCH music. Oh, does she know how to speak to a woman's heart. I could not have enjoyed the background music enough. I guess I am so used to riding around with friends who play the AWFUL *yes I am calling it awful* garbage radio where you will hear the same song 5 times in 15 minutes. LoL. IT was just refreshing and definitely a highlight of the evening.

You guys I have a confession!

I did not study the WORD yesterday morning, or the day before... I actually have not got into the word on my OWN time in a couple of days!! Yes, I know! I feel the very same way. MY head just works better when I am in the word cada manana. It is the only way to have that deep filled joy throughout a hectic day. Wake up with the word of GOD Che. Goodness how hard can it be? Yet, I have managed to NOT do it for a few days. Am I perfect? NEVER WILL BE! Am I DOING ANYTHING WRONG? Not necessarily. I just personally feel so convicted and just different when I am not taking time out of my personal time to put GOD first. There I got that off my chest! Now I can update you all on my lovely bike ride to STARBUCKS :).

THIS MORNING I woke up knowing I needed a nice long ride around town after class. I just knew it would be the beginning of an amazing day if I did. So I strapped up my books and went to MATH class. Then headed to the computer lab. It was a bit hot today so I was in no rush to leave the AIR CONDITIONED room. Finally, I logged off and headed to my Beach Cruiser. I would name it but it is still legally my mothers beach cruiser. So naming it would feel... just wrong. I rode to the bank first which was a joy and blessing and I ended up leaving feeling ENCOURAGED. Long story short the sweet, young lady at the teller window said I looked adorable riding up on my bike and that she thought I was a MODEL walking in. I then told her every woman looks like a model in 4inch heels. (No, I have not yet mastered receiving compliments. lol) It was a lovely withdrawal. I decided to avoid the city (aka the streets) as much as possible today and took the bike path that leads you through tunnels and away from the streets. It was beautiful just riding and sight seeing. I enjoyed a CRANE that was in the middle of the road and stood and watched it. How can you deny creation when you see animals like CRANES? I praised GOD for the sight and went on my way.

After much thoughtless riding I made it to my destination. A Starbucks that I enjoy. My mission. TO get a pumpkin scone warm. The target was there and I decided to also attack a ICED pumpkin latte. Oh! They had free pumpkin cheesecake muffin samples too! I will be buying one of those very, very soon.

To complete the ride I didn't purchase anything until i had walked around the center. I stopped in the beauty store and did my makeup for free at the counter, tried on scarves and some fall tops at a clothing boutique, then sat in the sun staring at the trees and flowers that were blooming.

I sat at Starbucks for roughly an hour before getting on my bike and heading home. The pumpkin scone is SCRUMPTIOUS y'all!! You must get over to Starbucks, I don't care if you hate the coffee, personally, I believe they have burnt tasting coffee so I stick to espresso drinks or teas. But please do not miss out on the scone they are only carrying during FALL. You will not be disappointed.

That was pretty much what really made my day. Plus I got to hear some amazing conversations, as usual. And I also felt kinda fly walking to my bike and turning around to see a nice looking man staring at me with a smile full of interest. He wasn't ogling like typical, pervy man. He seemed genuinely just attracted and you guys I felt so lovely at that moment. I know it was GOD working in me because I have always taken looks from men as either full of perverted, lustful thoughts, or that I must look horrible if they are looking at me. God has really softened my heart to the point where I can accept another man's stare without JUMPING to conclusions about why I don't deserve it or putting a negative spin on it. It really is the small things that put a smile on my face these days. I felt confident in my sweater wrap and high heel boots and jeans. I can remember how in high school it was impossible for me to feel beautiful unless I was displaying some.. erm.. SKIN. I couldn't find the right word but that sums it up pretty well. 

Oh, Lord! You have taken me so far. I know you will finish this work you have started in me. I thank you so much for a blessed day! And I pray for my pastor tonight to speak your words and not his LORD so that many more will come to know you and the peace that comes from you! 

Be Blessed this FRIDAY!

♥cheche

Read More

Don't LOSE FAITH

Beth Moore: "SO LONG INSECURITY"!
A good friend and sister of mine recently recommended me this book and although, at the time, I was reading another book with a plan to start another one right after (I really like reading. Can you tell? :p) I finally got the opportunity to sit down with MRS. MOORE and hear what she has to say.
I was able to reach Chapter 5 today before the arrival of my mother at the bookstore and Beth Moore had my heart and mind completely engaged and soaking it all in. So far, I have been able to see that she really understands the struggles that women face today (as well as men) in the area of insecurity. She breaks it down so easily and also shows examples from the BIBLE, from her life as well as close friends and women she has had the opportunity to speak with. One thing that resonated with me and is probably the theme of my current LESSON from GOD is that "SECURITY IN ANY EARTHLY THING Can SIMPLY NOT BE SUSTAINED"- BETH MOORE.
Who I was as a woman, my worth, my beauty, my happiness was all wrapped into what _______ thought of me or what _______ voiced about me. I was so insecure that I had chosen my rock to be in a MAN.
An IMPERFECT CREATION. 

(Matthew 7:26 (NKJV) ²⁶ “But everyone who hears these sayings of Mine, and does not do them, will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand:) Now even those who are unfamiliar with this scripture can guess just HOW AND WHY this man was deemed FOOLISH by JESUS. IF you do not understand I suggest you try building something on sand or better yet, OUT OF SAND! Then look at it and see how stable it is. Sure it looks nice and as long as the weather is nice it stands firm. However, watch a strong breeze blow through or a wave crash on it. IT WILL SURELY COME CRASHING DOWN. 

When we invest our worth into something IMPERFECT like MAN, THE GYM, THE PLASTIC SURGEON, OUR BEAUTY, OUR EDUCATION or OUR STATUS we are only seeking to have our walls come crashing down eventually. I know I am guilty of this and I HONESTLY BELIEVE THE ONLY GRACE THIS EARTH WAS JESUS CHRIST himself. Insecurity is at the root of this. While none of these are in themselves EVIL they have one thing in common in the given context. THEY ARE BEING USED IN THE PLACE OF JESUS! God is the ultimate healer and comforter. When our SECURITY is invested in things of this world well we are secure in FALSE HOPE. I know it is a scary thought but this is a fact.

This book really ministered to me! I pray if anyone feel the least bit apt to read it that you pick it up and pray for GOD to speak to you in his own personal way. Maybe you know a fellow sister or woman who could afford to take a peak as well. GOD WORKS IN CRAZY WAYS SO IF HE WANTS TO USE YOU JUST LET HIM :)!


ON A SIDE NOTE: 
the devil is not happy with me :). Which makes me happy because SATAN hates to see GOD working in our lives. He comes right when your walking strong with Christ and tries to deter you off your path. He tries to show you who YOU ARE which is always the same. LESS THAN THE CHILD OF GOD YOU ARE. I recently have been receiving ATTACKS (not in any way that is physical or threatening). There are just people who see women and men seeking GOD, studying the word, ministering to others, evangelizing..etc. So they get it in their heads that you think your something or that you think you are better. Then , like the pharisees, they watch you and wait for you to "slip" (just like they did JESUS). Once you do, because your not perfect, they give you the big HA HA! "AREN'T YOU CHRISTIAN?", "DON'T YOU READ THE BIBLE?", "That wasn't very GODLY!". They smile because they think they've revealed some big secret! CHRISTIANS AREN'T PERFECT!! It is headline news in their world.

None of us have the right to condemn each other. WE are to encourage, correct, rebuke, teach with the word of GOD. Because without GOD we are just judging. These people cannot be pleased. You must realize that the only eyes of importance on you are the eyes of GOD. And he will always forgive you if you choose to repent and turn from your sin. And if you are not sinning and just stumbling, or messing up have mercy on these people who judge you and deny GOD in their own lives. If you really didn't do anything wrong at all know that GOD is with you and it is him they seek to hurt. Focus on pleasing the father and do not lose faith in doing good. He isn't looking for PERFECT servants, he is looking for faithful servants. BELIEVE in his name and he will guide you and mold you into the new creation you were designed to be. Nobody wants to look at the sin in their own lives. So when a CHRISTIAN comes along and says that they love JESUS and follow him people turn to you and they seek to destroy you and bring you down to their level. NEVER LOSE FAITH IN DOING WHAT IS GOOD! IF YOU FALL LOOK TO CHRIST WHO HAS AN EXTENDED HAND AND STAND BACK UP IN THE NAME OF JESUS!!!


AND ALWAYS BE IN PRAYER FOR THESE PEOPLE! ANGER DOES NOT HELP OPEN THEIR EYES!



Thank you for listening ♥ 


p.s. I am really excited for my 330 quiet time with my friends ANGIE AND MICHELLE tomorrow!! God has brought them into my life for some reason and I look forward to getting into his word with them.

I have a heavy heart for WOMEN. I want to uplift and empower us in the word of GOD because that is the only way I know will work. I know GOD has great plans for me and I pray that I am able to inspire women in his name until the day he takes me. WE are worth knowing THE LOVE of GOD and LOVING OURSELVES! Please know this and if you don't ask GOD TO HELP YOU! I have to do this constantly but I am learning so much from him just by asking. He is so faithful. :)


ENJOY YOUR FRIDAY!!

♥ cheche

Read More