Can I tell you about a boy?

What happens when the man you are deeply liking and becoming interested in...
And almost... well... practically falling in love with...
What happens when that MAN... Doesn't look the way you imagined Him to look?

...
SHALLOW question I know.
But that is where I am a bit.
Remember that "GUY" who looked into my eyes...
I mentioned him in a rant or something a while ago.
I'm too lazy to retrieve the post and give it to you sorry. lol
Well, that same guy who I have been praying to be struck from my mental capacity.
And for the Lord to take away from my thoughts.
That same guy is someone I am completely becoming head over heels for.
BUT...
I just don't know.
I can't tell if he is truly interested in pursuing me or just really loves me as a friend.
I can't tell if I am being overly analytical and looking too deeply into simple gestures...
I can't tell if it is safe to fully commit this desire to the Lord because I don't know if the desire is right..

All I know is that I am falling in love with someone that I barely even talk to.
Someone who has an admirable character.
Someone who has a heart set on becoming more like Jesus.
Someone who makes me crack up! Seriously. Laugh out loud.
Someone who believes I am beautiful.
Someone who has began to make my heart pitter patter and causes me to look around...
Hoping that I will see his face.

But then I get dumb.
And I think that he is totally not interested.
That he isn't the "right" guy to have strong feelings for.

AND I KNOW THAT IT IS WISE...
For me to guard my heart even more.
To protect myself from this vulnerability of admitting that I am loving someone that I don't know loves me.
In that way...


Ugh.
Oh Jesus,
You are so amazing.
And these feelings shall fade.
I pray over the vision you gave me 2 months ago.
The face you revealed to me and the man that matches that face
that I am growing to love more and more.

Lord I pray that you would make his intentions known.
That I would pray for him more than I think about him.
And that you Lord would deliver me safely away from any
distractions Lord. Not just this loveable guy in my life but ANYTHING
that is distracting me from Loving you FIRST and with all that I am.

I'M SUCH A GIRL.

At the end of the day.

No matter how much I want to be strong and hardcore.

And not "HAVE FEELINGS FOR SOMEONE"...
Because I know that means there is a chance I can get hurt.

At the end of the day.
I'm...

well I'm a woman with feelings.

AND THAT IS OKAY!

hahaha

good Lord help your child.

♥cheche

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Love, Oh love..

"feels so good it must be love,
I give up I give in I let go let's begin
Because no matter what I do
My heart is filled with you...
Ohhh..
You got me..
Ohh
WOOAHH.
You got me.
You got me."-ColbieCaillay

"still I wonder why it is
I don't argue like this with anyone but you.
We do it all the time, blowing out my mind.
You got this look I can't describe
You make me feel I am alive...
Ohhh Your love...
Still I wonder why it is
I don't argue like this with anyone but you?"-Corrine Bailey Rae

Today Tonight as I was listening to Pandora and reading your blogs,
I was overwhelmed with the urge to cry and laugh and pray.
You see, I follow A LOT of married womens blogs.
Andddddd. I am quite single.
I'm as single as single comes I suppose.
It doesn't bother me...
That much.
I just love reading these blogs and for some reason the fact that your married almost makes me love you more.
I want that happiness of marriage.
I'm kind of going through this I'm sick of being single stage.
It started probably longer than a week ago, but it feels like it started in the last few days.

I know that this is all in God's plans for me.

I just think that maybe if I stopped looking at all of your happy marriages and:

The way some of you talk about your great husbands.

The adorable babies you guys make.

The pictures of you going out with your man or a post about how amazing he is.

THAT I WOULD FORGET I AM SINGLE AND EVERYTHING WOULD BE FINE.

I shouldn't have ever dated my first boyfriend.

I was a bit fed up with being single my whole 19 years of existence the night I met him.

But he turned out to be a beautifully, unnecessary and FATTY mistake in a strange GODLY way.

But my theory is if we as women DON'T waste time dating at least our singleness won't seem so burdenful. (And when we meet our husbands we'll just be baggage free and blessed!)

Because you won't know what your missing out on.

Holding hands, having a best friend who thinks your BEAUTIFUL, being looked in the eye and called beautiful, having a HAND TO HOLD!!!

Ugh. Some kind of WAIT ON THE LORD encouragement that was huh?

You see what kind of state I am in???

Well, I'm not trying to say I don't like where I am in life.
I know there is a LOT of stuff that God and me need to work out.

I know there is a LOT of surrender that needs to be done on my part to my Savior.

And I know that no matter how much beauty I think falling in real LOVE will be, that marriage is the beginning of dieing to self and a lot of WORK. 

But tonight, in this moment I like the thought of embarking on that scary path.

In God's perfect timing, of course.

There is a man out there and God knows whom He is.

I have the baggage of one relationship and my pride really feeds off of that because I have seen so many friends and girls give pieces of themselves away in so many relationships (and we're only in our early 20's). And I am blessed that for whatever reason men didn't want to date me in highschool or afterwards. ha ha

Seriously it was protection.

But that is the thing. Before my 2 year relationship that ended over a year ago, I was single that WHOLE time before. I just feel like I've lived the single life. I've lived it Lord. 

well, here is me making my request known. Despite how dumb and silly and desperate and pathetic I may sound. I know that sometimes we search but we don't even ask... So I am going to ask!!! In this very, very, very long blog of mine.

Philippians4:6: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."

• 
  

Lord, 

I pray for a man to come to me.
A man whose heart and eyes are set upon your kingdom.
A man who laughs from HIS heart and loves through your spirit.
A man who has a smile that bends me at the knees.
A strong man, Lord Willing, who can lead with the gentleness of Christ.
A man who has eyes that captivate my attention and mesmerize me.
Eyes I feel I could get lost in...
Lord I pray for a man who fits me in every way.
Who challenges me to grow, to walk, to break free in YOU!
A man who has a heart for this fallen world.
A man who wants to work for you first and seeks to do all UNTO you on this earth.
A man who loves the GOD in me and loves my imperfection.
A man who isn't vain.
A man who feels sent from you.

Oh God, I know that I don't deserve any of this. 

But I ask because you are the only one whom I can call upon.

You are God.

You are Sovereign.

So I run to you in all of my silliness like the crazy daughter I am.

And I humbly ask Lord. 

Let it be.

Night ladies! Thanks for reading if you did. ha ha I couldn't hold it all in. ;)

♥cheche

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I was naughty... ♥

Dear Lord, 

I am sorry to admit that today after praying to surrender my day to you that I blatantly ignored your voice and did what I wanted. You asked me not to purchase that Starbucks hot chocolate and I didn't feel right spending the money... Yet I bought it because I didn't want my coffee date to sit their with her drink feeling awkward :(.

You asked me to not buy that scoop of THRIFTY'S chocolate brownie ice cream. Yet, I did. And felt a bit of a tummy ache afterwards :(. You asked me not to waste my gas and drive all the way to Laguna Beach for Tacos at TACO LOCO. Yet, I did. And when me and the girls arrived it was closed! I guess they are only open until 2 a.m on weekends. You are so patient with me and I am so impulsive at times.

Thank you for bringing my mother to church again tonight. She really enjoyed the Easter service. Thank you for protecting me from drunk drivers and any other danger I could have gotten into tonight driving around Laguna and Newport beach. Thank you for the 5 dollars I found and used to buy my girls each a warm chocolate croissant. Thank you for sacrificing your life Jesus. That I could call myself a child of God and be grafted into the inheritances once only promised to the jews. Thank you Lord for breaking the rules and showing us that loving you is about a RELATIONSHIP not a set of rules to follow and obey. Thank you for your grace in which I am capable of having my faith. 

Thank you for loving me despite my stupidity and who I am. I am so, so sorry for ignoring your quiet whispers today. I want to be obedient Father. Have mercy on your silly and often dumb child. She still struggles with pleasing man above God :(. Not proud Father. But that is the honest truth. 

Transform me GOD. I know I can be more but I first need more of YOU in me.

I love you so much. Your an amazing savior. None is greater than you...None.

♥ CHECHE ♥

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Bleh. Monday. ♥

So much is going on and happening all too quickly.

This weekend I had the lovely privilege of attending my first ever WEDDING!

A dear sister of mine, Laura is now married to an amazing example of a godly man and they are probably in Hawaii as we speak enjoying the beginnings of their married life. It was such a blessing to laugh, eat, pray and dance the day/night away in celebration of a true holy matrimony. Everything from the wedding vows to the cake brought everyones focus back to the cross and what Jesus did in dieing and raising again for us crazy children of His. What an amazing testimony they share through their union as one.

The group of ladies I am going to Africa with this coming summer are ticketing by the end of this week! Once tickets are bought there is no turning back. I must tell you God really checked me yesterday and I started praying and calling out for His help because I am beginning to wonder if this trip is the one. If this is the trip that He desires me to go on for Him. I was just tripped up yesterday and it really left me wondering about my motives for going and wanting desperately to hear what exactly God has to say about it all. I want to go to Africa y'all. Seriously. Che. wants. to. go! I know God is calling, I know GOD will get me there and now I am stuck in intense prayer over whether or not He wants me on this trip. 

I don't have the money. I haven't been capable of contributing much of anything at all to the trip. I haven't been capable of saving like all of the other girls. I am just really starting to wonder how I could be called to go when I am so incapable financially. 

This whole time I have known that in the area of Africa we are staying we are expected to eat all of our food. They literally watch you and make sure you finish your plate and it is considered rude to not finish your food. I have known this and known GOD would give me the strength to get through it but I have also battled with wondering how crazy I could go being stuffed and feeling fat. I know it is a vain thought but it is something my flesh desperately tries to believe is enough to not be capable of lasting in Africa. 

I'm going to just stop rambling and ask for you guys, once again to PRAY, for God to make His ways known and clear because I truthfully do not want to be outside of His will and in the process hinder these girls from doing the Lords work to the fullest. I know that I truly want this trip to be the trip and I believe that God has brought me this far to break me of the things that I may have overlooked out of pride in the beginning. I know God is with me in this all and I have faith that no matter how impossible or inadequate of a servant I may be He will receive all glory either way. Pray for wisdom and for His voice to be made known in all of this.

I have another wedding this Saturday and I may be attending alone. Which would be awkward but I wouldn't miss it for the world. I also have one day of work, which is tomorrow, and then I'm getting paid to not work for the rest of the week. VACATION time :). Lol. More like, do all of the stuff you never have time to do time :).

Thank you for making it this far in the bleh post. I know you are all confused and praying for me. ha ha. Trust me I need it.

♥ Chetreanna ♥

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Delightful [♥]

"There should be a fear of not loving GOD as you ought! Not of LOSING your salvation."- M. Chaddick

I was going through my notes on the book of Luke and this really struck me to the heart and soul. I can't really put into words why but the truth and validity in this statement is one that I believe will be present within the eternal realms.

I also wanted to share this thought that really shed new light on the legalistic mindset and just the lack of true root it has within christianity if the person is not keeping the commands out of their love of Christ and the working of Christ in them.

"Legalism: rule keeping without the first two rules."

 The first two rules/commands are simply stated in Matthew 22:"³⁷ Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ ³⁸ This is the first and greatest commandment. ³⁹ And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’⁴⁰ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

Our eyes should really be fixated here. I know this is where my eyes definitely need to be fixated. And I need to purpose myself more to cling to Him and these two commands. This is what I am often missing throughout my workday. This is what I often turn from when anger or selfishness is rearing its ugly little mutant head. I drift Lord. My prayer is that we would purpose ourselves to LOVE GOD as we ought. Not with the mindset of receiving the blessings or praises or achievements but simply because we recognize just who it is that has loved us first. 

Oh, I also wanted to share that I did 50 crunches tonight!! As well as 20 pushups :).I missed my spin classes this week due to impromptu bake sales and a bachelorette part-ay. Heyyy! I was driving home stuffed feeling just, for lack of better adjectives,sedentary and lazy. So I said you know what God! I am doing 50 sit-ups and 2 sets of 10 pushups.
Then I got home.. and laid for a bit on the floor... Watched part of THE HOLIDAY. Thought about just going to bed. But I remembered the faith that God had in that impulsive covenant I made with Him on my way home and I said YES! I am willing Lord! Okay, I know I am extremely dramatic but this is seriously what was going on in my head. Talking to myself and GOD is really enough to keep me entertained on my own.

Alright, it is getting late and I have nothing else that I can think of to share. Tomorrow is SUNDAY FUNDAY! What are your plans for this Sunday? Next Saturday I attend my first ever WEDDING!!! Pray I find a dress by then :/. By dearies!

♥ CHeTReAnNa ♥

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home Sweet home ♥

Romans 14:22 So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the one who does not condemn himself by what he approves.

My weekend was pretty amazing. I didn't get to rest nearly as much rest as I dreamed I would get to. It was a pretty silly idea to think that I would get any serious sleep in when I had a bake sale today at church and also had to bake Saturday in order to have said baked goods.

cinnamon crumb coffee cake

cheesecake cupcakes with strawberries on top! sooooo delicious ;)

Do not let the look of the cheesecake fool you. We melted sugar and strawberries in a pot and made a delicious little sugary, glaze-like syrup for our delicious cheesecake cupcakes. They were such a hit! We had a diabetic eat four and tell us he may have a heart attack later. Little did we know that a diabetic was getting drugged up with sugar the whole time. Maybe we should do blood work before making these again.

Our bake sale did amazingly well. God really showed up and met us once again. Africa is really happening. I get so caught up in all the steps that are laid out before us like passports, various shots, support letters, BAKING for almost every Sunday and Monday, the appropriate attire necessary for the actual trip... It is all enough to make you forget that God has called you to go to Africa and is step by step confirming that call. Watching the faces of our pastors, the youth and the body in whole light up at the thought of five, single, under twenty-five, California girls excited to go to Uganda (a.k.a THE BUSH) is so amazing. Sometimes I think we get so caught up in the steps we forget where GOD is leading us and the ultimate destination.

I still have a couple of things I need to fulfill.
1) shots. I heard that Kaiser administers for free so just need prayer that all goes smoothly with those. Without insurance they can run up to 200 dollars total.
2) Support Letters. I feel like the enemy keeps wanting to me to feel guilty about seeking financial support from friends and family and because of that I struggle with putting the pen to the paper. Pray God gets all the glory and that I can just push out the letter He really is writing at the end of the day. It isn't about me but I keep thinking about myself and how I look sending a support letter.


It is wayyy too late for me. I seriously am exhausted. What a lovely vacation huh?

I hope you all had an amazing weekend! Did you do anything fun? Like... SLEEP?
:)

♥CHETREANNA♥

p.s. I added this new widget for leaving comments. I thought it would make things easier? How do you like it? A few blogs I follow use it and I thought it was pretty tight... (yep. I just busted out the Cali-Slang... Don't judge please.. hehe) LET ME KNOW LOVES!

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Find this on FACEBOOK PLEASE! ♥

I am extremely exhausted.
Took Spin Class today and Tuesday and boy do I feel the consequences, much needed but consequences nonetheless, of those two decisions. 

I am very thankful to propose the question of you taking the time to like the I AM FREE page on facebook. It is a page that a dear sister of mine started running and promotes the freedom from the bondage of sin, mainly EATING DISORDERS, through Christs ultimate peace and comfort. 

This is the first public display of my testimony and although it may be small to some I am so blessed to know that GOD is using my life to bring glory to Him. If you click "LIKE" on the page and then scroll down you will hit the link to my testimony posted on the SILENT NO MORE website I believe. 

God is really pouring out His spirit in great and unfathomable ways to reach the hurting and lost. I know we all want to be used so continue to encourage, exhort and correct each other in the loving way Jesus Christ would have you amongst your family, church family, friends, co-workers and neighbors. He is begging to use us but we must FIRST be willing right?

Probably taking a bit of a break until Saturday or Sunday. I'm on PAID TIME OFF until Tuesday at work so I am going to do my best to rest and relax :). 

PRAYER REQUEST:

1) time God wants me to leave work for Africa which has a possible 6week-2month window.

2) peace over financial situation and just overall surrender of finances to him "render to Caesar what is Caesars right?

3) a genuine love for the lost and burden to pray for the unsaved and saved

4) TO BE SET FREE MORE EACH DAY IN HIM!

love you ladies 

♥Chetreanna/CHECHE/Che♥ so many names for a crazy lady. hahaha

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