Feeling Dead ♥

Romans 6:4 "We were therefore buried with him though baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the father, we too may live a new life."

Excuse the blunt blog title but that is exactly what came to mind this morning. I am not going to sit here and put on the false pretense of understanding Romans with great ease. Oh no, this is something that I have struggled with accepting and also something that my pride is being broken of. 

Growing up in the earliest years I can only remember being an A student and constantly being acknowledged for the intelligence I possessed that made me a tad bit above average. However, although I eventually became a wreck from 7th grade onwards and never really got back on the right track with grades throughout High School, the mentality that I am above average never left me. Hence, this is how the smart___ that I was known to be the later years of adolescence came about.

Now that you have a brief history you can understand how I struggled and almost wanted to over look Romans. Chapter 1 and 2 were vicious and the apostle Paul, chief of sinners, does not hold back the knowledge he had of being raised and educated in the finer things in life. He was indeed a well learned man and it is displayed throughout the New Testament in his many writings. This is something that I have only recently come to accept. Paul can write in a way that makes me feel out of place. Less than mentally. And that my friends is one of my biggest fears.

I fear the perception of others in regards to me in a detrimental way at times. The Lord has brought me pretty far but I still struggle with wondering how I am being perceived. In early life I had my intelligence. That is what I clung to. Although it didn't show in my grades I was constantly feeding it. I was a searcher of answers and discoverer of truth. It was nice to come to class having not done my homework *except in math* and participate and debate the topics at hand. That was the rock I stood upon and it made me feel just a bit less secure and a lot more brilliant in the eyes of others. Romans is just something that Jesus used to reveal this to me. It has always been in me but when you are praying for the Lord to break you of all things not of Him, for God to reveal Himself within you, to be transformed more into His image... Well, your bound to start seeing the things about yourself that once were not bothersome as quite irritating.

I praise God for His Holy and living word the Bible. I praise Him for answering each and every prayer. He is swift to deliver guys, let me just tell you that. And today in Romans when I look at how I am being buried in the death of Christ so I may live in His resurrection I'm struck with the feeling that I just don't feel quite dead. I mean I know I am forgiven, sanctified by my belief, and justified by my faith but I feel as if I am in the grave unconscious and not FULLY DEAD. 

This is my hope as I press onward to the goal. This is my prayer today Dear Father. I want to be DEAD IN YOU fully. I want to be consumed in every endeavor and every ounce of my being Father. Show me my pride so I can pray to surrender it. Show me my barriers and hindrances in this walk of mine so I may grow in abounding grace through you. SHOW ME FATHER WHAT AND WHO YOU WANT ME TO BE!! Apart from you I am but dust Lord. Resurrect me in you so I may truly "live a new life" in you Lord Jesus.

Now I know He has already done great things but you guys I am a greedy little thing. I want more. I crave the Lords nearness and presence. I crave His healing powers. If you knew you had access to the Creator of this world who still lives wouldn't you be just a BIT needier than usual.

I ask you believer, or unbeliever, to utilize the beautiful tool we have in the power of Christ. Don't let your pride keep you from surrendering more of yourself to Him. Don't let your life be mediocre in living for the God of this universe. BE all you can be fully in Him and He will ROCK YOUR WORLD. It hurts to be refined but how else does one make precious metals such as gold?? Be broken for His healing powers and you will never regret the weakness within. 

Lord, I want to be dead. Thank you for showing me just how much I need you. Even when I at times think I am doing great and lacking nothing I thank you for showing me just how weak your creation is. I ask you to strip me of my pride and raise me up into the beautiful woman, future wife and mother that I will someday be. Teach me to use my gifts father for your glory. Transform my life Father! I am so overjoyed in who you are and what you plan to do with me. Thank you Lord for your death in which I am made alive.

Amen

♥cheche 

Have a blessed Thursday...