Confessional ♥

I follow other blogs not just because of what they have to say but also because of how they look.
Yes. I judge blogs based on appearance. I know, I can't help it. I have tried and tried and I just can't get past the color schemes, hurtful use of fonts...etc. So, if I am following your blog know that I am vain in my reading. Although your voice is a beautiful light in my world here in Southern California, I also like what I see. :( Sorry. I had to get that off my chest. It really has been bugging me.

I have lost vision so many times on this thing. My first posts on here were out of an aching heart.I had finally put to death a sinful relationship that I just couldn't seem to release no matter how much anguish it brought me. And when I finally did I realized the loneliness of severing that limb was what I was really avoiding. I discovered the blog world and had a voice. I had so many things to say about my struggles and Christ. It was my comfort. It still is a definite refuge but I often get caught up in THE NUMBERS, THE COMMENTS, THE MEANINGLESS ATTRACTIONS that this world can bring. I am not perfect but I really, truly pray Christ would come first in all I do in a consistent and joyful way.

There are so many women I follow who INSPIRE me. They have beautiful faith and demonstrate their understanding of just amazing grace. Christ suffered but rose again. And I get to witness beautiful fruits of His resurrection throughout the blog community in various shapes and forms. It is strengthening and lovely to have access to you guys when I come home to a family of unbelievers. When I go to work and witness the ramifications of disobedience firsthand amongst friends and peers. When I walk the streets and ache wondering how so many people could choose to live in ways that only cause grief and misery rather than giving God their hearts...

It hurts. And then I come here and I wonder how I can make you all happy. Or make you smile. Or give you something to enjoy.

With all do respect, how dare I think this blog is about anything or anyone other than Christ. It is most certainly not about you or me. But I forget. I drift from my "first love",

I was reading today and God just really called me out. 

He wants men and women who put their hearts before His throne constantly. Not just once a month or week. But in all that we do we surrender first to Him.

I love you all and this day has been amazing. I am praying for my future husband lots lately. I am also praying for my heart. Would you do me a favor and do the same if you can? 

Thank you! :)

♥ Chetreanna

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His Glory ♥

Romans 8:18 " I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us."

How often I find that I am dwelling on the temporal. Then the anxiety of the temporal takes over and I'm living in fear of the unknown or just crazy not knowing how I will be able to solve or fix the situation at hand. Yet, if I, like Paul,  were to consider the GLORY of Christ that is to be revealed to us upon His return more often these present sufferings would be seen as the rubbish they are. I have a need and desire to see things through the eyes of eternity and I know that is something that takes time and just walking day by day with your Savior but I need it. I hunger to count everything temporal as lost in comparison to the salvation of Christ. I hunger to be fully set free of all these things that are quite trivia when looking towards the cross and not over your shoulder.

Thankfully God is our strength and He will deliver us to His kingdom. First, we must be willing. I pray that I would be more willing to have His eyes, Him on my mind and to at times be still and bite my tongue. I can say the stupidest and not very edifying things and after I've witnessed myself do this I just end up feeling horrible. Oh Lord, come and reign in my life stronger than ever. You are so beautiful.

Thanks for reading just another one of my thoughts. Love you all!

Have a great day!

♥cheche

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BLOG GIVEAWAY & FAITH IN HIS PROMISES~

Initially I didn't have anything particular to blog about today. I am at school and stressed out and in need of a massage and CHURCH tonight.

Sadly both are looking very dim. Lord, I desperately need my car fixed. At least where I could go to CHURCH services independently and not have to rely on blessings sent as friends and my mom. LoL. I am really blessed and have not really had to suffer because of all the amazing GODLY women the Lord has put in my life and their services of taking me home or picking me up :). But unfortunately I am getting to the point where pride REALLY does not want to ask anyone, as well as my mother, for rides anymore. I just feel like I am overstaying my welcome minus the living at someones home part.

School is stressful y'all. I know that GOD has kept me here so that I am prepared for what he has in store. I truly believe that. But I *CHETREANNA WHITE* am my worst academic enemy. My English teacher gave me more than the enough time to complete this ANALYTICAL MAP based off the 88 page reading. However, one must start and finish the 88 page reading in order to carry out the task and accomplish anything. UGHHH. I was a bum and chose to NOT get started on this task until yesterday. The time I devoted did not SUFFICE because the reading is not just some straight through read. It is a very complex dialogue of essays that you should allow a few days to read and to absorb and perhaps have a dictionary on hand for words, that may arise, that you are unfamiliar with. I know I have nobody to blame here but myself which really angers me. My problem is I want to be the best at everything I set out to do, yet, I mess up and do stupid, young, immature things like skipping/postponing assignments and I am placed in this overwhelming, insecure and anxious state of mind on campus.  I jut want to go back in time (impossible I know!) and borrow the money to BUY my book so that I could start the assignment the day of. Rather than being broke, not asking my mom for the money (pride) and waiting 4days until my paycheck to purchase it and adding another 3days of not reading it to that.
PHEW. I feel a little bit better getting that demon off my back but the anxiety will probably not fade until I attend class.

I am pretty sure I will not be able to make it up but nonetheless I know that the only thing I can do is KEEP IT MOVING! Go to the class empty handed and take this as a learning opportunity to do all the assigned work on time. I can not afford to mess this up. Seriously. I get financial aid and my g.p.a is something that I have worked hard to get to . I only want to raise it not LOWER it and anything lower than a B. ughhh. Let us just not think about it okay. ha ha  THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD! And what a faithful and trusting shepherd he is. IT is us dumb, wandering sheep that have the issues. Goodness. I just gotta keep on moving and stay on the path. This is not a life or death situation Che. Calm down. ahhhh much better. Thank God for this gift of writing!


BLOG GIVEAWAY!!!

Although I am extremely competitive when it is something I WANT I must share this amazing news. A favorite blogger of mine is having a giveaway on her page!! The giveaway has probably got to be one of the most exciting ones I have had a chance to hear about :).

Go Check out Kelly Ann s blog to learn more about the giveaway at  TAYLOR HOUSE run by the lovely CHAUCEE !! I really feel alot better talking about something that excites me :).


Yes, the day has a lot more hope now that I am writing. JEREMIAH 29:11. This is the verse I shared with my cousin a week or so back. It helped her and seeing in how my birthday is SEPTEMBER 20th, my dear cousin bought me a journal after she saw me complaining about how I didn't have too many pages left in the one I am using. *about 2 weeks at the most left of space* So she bought me a new black leather journal *LOVE YOU SHARA!!* And a gift card to Ross :). As well as an amazing CHRISTIAN birthday card. I read it and it was adorable and then she says did you see the bottom left. Plastered at the bottom of the card was JEREMIAH 29:11!! She didn't realize until after she had already purchased it that it was there. Isn't our God an amazing and never dull God?  That verse is popping up for a reason! He is reminding me of his unwavering promise! Set in stone just for me and anyone else who calls upon the name of Jesus and believes.
Thank you Lord for reminding me :)!


Well I have a class to go to. Thank you all for listening! go join the giveaway!! Chaucee is a sweetie and I would love nothing more than to hear she is ALL SOLD out of cowls :).


Blessing and peace your way this MONDAY!


♥ cheche

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Dear Lord,

Why must I always feel strong enough to text him after I've read the BIBLE? Seriously, does that make any sense at all? I had an amazing quiet time with my King this morning and was still feeling extremely sleepy after hanging out with some friends from church really late last night. So I get back into bed groggy and text him a simple question. Nothing really important just asking if he knows someone I met last night. Then he responds and all I think about it how much distance there is between us. All I see is the beautiful, SKINNY, woman that looks NOTHING like me plastered on the front of his phone. Or the GORGEOUS Latina chick pasted on his Myspace (which I happily deleted a while ago btw).

Comparison is the quickest way to UNHAPPINESS. I keep comparing myself. I keep thinking who on this planet will EVER love me again? Aside from CHRIST I feel so hopeless romantically. I feel so hopeless and unworthy ladies.. I know my worth isn't based upon the things that will fade like my body or how BEAUTIFUL I am but if I've learned anything it's to be honest in my struggles and THIS IS HONESTLY my struggle just for TODAY. I don't feel thin enough, in shape enough, proportionate, I feel lazy, in need of the gym, in need of a miracle.. lol

I already feel much better after purging that out! Financially I am STRUGGLING greatly. I need more hours at work but SCHOOL will definitely suffer if I try to overload. Plus there aren't any hours available at the BANK. I applied for a loan to cover a few things and bring me back up to positive but was respectfully declined. God WILL provide. I just wish I could Find another way to work where maybe I could do homework as well? That would be a blessing. Or a new job that pays better and allows me to have time to study and do work. Ugh. Being an adult can be a bit draining at times. Sometimes I wonder how exactly I became an adult so quickly. Soon, I'll be thinking how I became a wife, a person with a PROFESSION, kids *all of this god-willing of course :)*... I just hate having to depend on my mom for things like lunch or food. I was so spoiled in my independence and I feel like I'm back to being that child I was so desperate to break free of when I was younger. Praying I will find a mechanic willing to fix my car and for an affordable cost and that will help out a lot.

I have faith in you Lord. Though I am troubled I know you are with me. I pray that all of my words be pleasing to your ears. That I bring you joy somehow. I pray for satisfaction in each day you have given me and to remember just how SMALL I am and how GREAT you are :). You are GOD sovereign! I am but a child and thank you for being my father! You teach us in your word that if we LOVE GOD then we will Love CHRIST! That we will believe you and TRUTH will be revealed and SET us FREE. You teach us that if we don't believe in you then we believe the FATHER OF LIES who is SATAN. Thank you for freeing me LORD. Give me strength to fight the LIES of satan. TO fight with prayer, fellowship and time with you! AWAKEN MY SOUL LORD JESUS :)!! I AM YOURS FULLY. OH GOD PLEASE USE ME!!
In Jesus Name I make this Prayer
AMEN




Have a SUPER SILLY SUNDAY!
♥cheche

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early morning (TEHEEHEE)

My current conundrum is LOVE LOST.

My heart is actually aching and the funny thing is, I broke up with him?

Well, let me

   clear things UP...

I broke up with him to focus purely on god SINCE i am a new believer and our relationship 9ish months ago was not that of a god pleasing and fearful couple.  I didn't realize that having an unevenly yolked relationship while trying to have a strong walk with the LORD will only be a burden when you are actually focused on GOD. I learned my first lesson which is you cannot have a relationship where one is running towards God while the other is doing , well something else.  I guess stagnant would be the appropriate word to use. I was a new believer and on fire and my partner was a believer who had strayed.

Anyways that was NOVEMBERish.  I am only now beginning to really FEEL the loss.

AND IT HURTS YOU GUYS.  We are both still friends and I love him more than any man next to the LORD and he is growing so tremendously. And it hurts because THAT is what I so desperately wanted when we were together. and i guess i have also learned that being faithful to god is not always easy nor does it make sense from our small human point of view.  But i can see that god is at a large work in my life today and NO MATTER HOW MUCH IT PAINS ME i must stay true to him and faithful because I know, he has a better plan for me than I do for myself.

                      Yet, this truth doesn't make it easier.

This all could be handled a lot differently, of course if I had a life without GOD.  I made a life altering choice the day I accepted him into my HEART and gave my life to CHRIST and the situations that used to BAFFLE me with abounding hopeless thoughts are now situations of purpose. EVENTS all leading to the next stage of life that god has predestined before me.

I cried my eyes out today and yesterday. And i even talked to my ex about what I was feeling and that helped because for me it got everything out in the open so that he could understand the way I was aCting and treating him. I feel like I should definitely be OVER HIM.  People have always said when you break up that person is meant to be in your past for a reason. But I guess for now he isn't? I don't have any answers and whenever I try to carry out MY WILL FOR MYSELF I wind up hurt, confused and in a worst place than I was to begin with. LOL

i also know that IF god has that in store for me than he will deliver me to that place and for now I just need to surrender the situation entirely to his haNds and pray to be in his will.

I am learning and growing so much but i NEED PRAYER and I am far from perfect and FAR from alright with everything that is going on in my life right now.  I just know that I am comforted when I am reminded of who MY GOD is. and just how powerful he is and what a great and faithful deliverer he is. this is my hope and my rock. This is my comfort in CHRIST<3

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