Lately...

Lately I have been listening to a few things on repeat.

Sermons by Shane Idleman are not getting old anytime soon. 

God is using Him to show me the way grace filled preaching looks.

It is amazing how little I love others the way God loves.

Sometimes I find myself mid-thought, disgusted and confused at what is running through my mind.

I have some deep, deep issues that God began working on before I ever knew Him.

And boy, do they run deep.

I am blessed to have a God who wants to make me more and more into His image and less like the Che who desires and lusts for the very things that hurt, grieve and shield me from Him.

Lately I've been in this new season of learning.
I feel, despite not being in school right now, as if I wake up each day and go to class.

The class is called "My Life with Christ." and it never ends.

God is calling me into a crazy place where I feel completely set free and highly uncomfortable all at once.

I've left so much comfort to follow Him into this strange new arena of life, but I count them all as lost for the sake of knowing Him more. 

I want to walk with Christ.

This is impossible without faith.

I want to be caught up in the sky with Him.

I pray death is smooth.

Not necessarily without pain, although we all want that, but seamless.

As if I never stopped doing what I was already doing.

I pray to enter His kingdom of worship and praise completely ready to bow the knee, smiling and lifting my hands at His glorious face.

Lately I've been desiring something.

The desire has an object though, and that is where many problems arise from.

The root of the desire is often the issue, not the desire itself.

I am praying that during this time of being free in Christ I am lead further from these desires rooted in things not of Him.

His word told me yesterday that by obeying His word we are purified.

I love that.

I'm the type of girl that likes to know things, so when I pray "GOD HELP ME LOVE OTHERS MORE AND WITH A GENUINE HEART" I also want to know "AND TELL ME WHAT TO DO SO I CAN GET THAT!!!"

God is faithful.
His word is living and it speaks.

I am so thankful these days.

I want Him so much guys, it just hurts to know that I have Him forever and often my life and actions do not show that devotion.

BUT GOD...

Best words in the bible... Well, some of the best. I live knowing, believing and trusting that my God is the "BUT GOD" who is greater and bigger than anything hindering me from being more like Him.

This is me lately.

The change has come and I am oh so excited about it ;).

♥CheChe

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His Glory ♥

Romans 8:18 " I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us."

How often I find that I am dwelling on the temporal. Then the anxiety of the temporal takes over and I'm living in fear of the unknown or just crazy not knowing how I will be able to solve or fix the situation at hand. Yet, if I, like Paul,  were to consider the GLORY of Christ that is to be revealed to us upon His return more often these present sufferings would be seen as the rubbish they are. I have a need and desire to see things through the eyes of eternity and I know that is something that takes time and just walking day by day with your Savior but I need it. I hunger to count everything temporal as lost in comparison to the salvation of Christ. I hunger to be fully set free of all these things that are quite trivia when looking towards the cross and not over your shoulder.

Thankfully God is our strength and He will deliver us to His kingdom. First, we must be willing. I pray that I would be more willing to have His eyes, Him on my mind and to at times be still and bite my tongue. I can say the stupidest and not very edifying things and after I've witnessed myself do this I just end up feeling horrible. Oh Lord, come and reign in my life stronger than ever. You are so beautiful.

Thanks for reading just another one of my thoughts. Love you all!

Have a great day!

♥cheche

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Rant of Love ♥

The children, I'm sorry. Students! :) The students in my English class are pushing my unholy buttons :(. I haven't had any trials thus far in my walk with Jesus towards the students in my classes. Maybe with the curriculum and the teachers beliefs but never felt such hostility from my peers. Long story short my group was disregarded and the rest of the class teamed up to share answers for the quiz (each group made the quiz so everyone combined had the answers). I think I was extremely hurt and regressed back into the WHEN CHE IS HURT CHE SHOWS ANGER AND STRENGTH. Rather than praying about it I gave in. I even said some smart remarks about conspirators. The funny and ironic thing was before the quiz everyone wanted OUR groups answers. As if our groups answers were the only ones they DID NOT KNOW? So obvious right?

Anyways My point for even addressing this in my blog is I am faulty. I am imperfect. I am sadly easily angered in MANY areas of my life still. And God has a reason for revealing this to me. A part of me feels I should go in with a clean slate mentally and be friendly to my peers but another part would rather live the rest of the semester staying away from all of them and focusing on my studies. I think this goes back to the NAZI childhood of being ACCEPTED or NOT ACCEPTED amongst peers. Being the only black girl (well, there were 3 of us at one point) in a all Mexican elementary school and neighborhood I had MANY lessons on how different I was. I learned at an early age that others can choose not to like you, and even make fun of you and showing weakness only fuels them. So I put on my tough mask and chose to beat others to making fun of myself as well as Being AGGRESSIVE so that others could not have a chance to intimidate me in any form.

That little Che must really be angry still because I can feel those same emotions coming up and it hurts and sucks. I just want to be able to love ALL of them like Jesus but instead I'm praying not to tell them all off and use big words and make them feel dumber than me. Yeah, this is the mind of your Christian friend Che. She isn't that cute sometimes is she? She also weirdly talks in third person and types it as well :). FUN FACT FOR YOU!

I really could use prayer over this. It seems small but it is eating me up and causing me to really feel horrible. I know I am not condemned but these thoughts and plots eat away at a persons spirit. I need the strength of Christ for this remaining semester and I really just want to love these little children.

"FORGIVE THEM FOR THEY KNOW NOT WHAT THEY DO". -Jesus on the cross after being tortured, beaten and given the death of a sinner which he was the exact opposite of.

Jesus said those words about me and you. He said those words with pure love and compassion for his murderers and all of mankind! Yet I hold a grudge against my neighbor for not liking me and being a little childishly mean??  Ughh.. I want to be like Jesus. And everyday I seem to realize just how much I need him in order to even resemble a fraction of who he was and is and is to come.

God help me please. I want to love as you do. Take this burden from me! I love you and I ask for your forgiveness once again.. Amen

Thanks for listening! anyone else gone through something similiar??

♥

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oh august

I'm a spoiled, little CALIFORNIA GIRL and my sunshine is out there beckoning for me to get dressed and off this time thief the computer. It feels like a lovely 80degrees out there and GOD is in the breeze putting a warm smile, that I could feel, around my skin.

Today I'm headed to hang out with the ex and maybe ride my mountain bike around his neighborhood and newport, beach. Since seeking GOD and surrendering to him each morning since then I've felt the selfish desires that aroused when I spoke to him dissipate. He is a great friend and I look forward to enjoying our friendship as far as THE LORD plans to take it.

I find that rather amusing ^^. Seeing that just a couple of days ago I felt my heart breaking and shattering just at the thought of him and knowing he had finally moved on and was even going out with other women. It's amusing to me but just shows the wonders of GODS amazing power to restore all things.

today I am in LOVE with the life I have just as it is. I'm excited for the HARVEST CRUSADES this weekend (*going FRIDAY!) at the angel stadium and am just looking forward to what life has in store.

FOR ANYONE WILLING TO PRAY PLEASE BE PRAYING FOR MY CURRENT JOB SITUATION. I feel my time there is slipping slowly and I would love to be directed in a new area. Of course, I need the next job to be something that completely is not crazy sales oriented or focused on harassing customers at the bank!! lol  But whatever GOD has in store is of course preferred. I just pray to be in his will.

ALSO BE PRAYING FOR BIBLE COLLEGE. I'm really sure that I'm headed there I just don't know when or how. My next step is to look at a campus or two and check the facilities but I'm a procrastinator by nature and have not yet gotten that STEP OUT THE WAY. So be praying for me to start taking action in the steps GOD has put down for me.

I love being single today. 

It feels like a real summer ♥

and it feels like LOVE is 

right around the corner.

Oh, thank you GOD. 

Your my first love.

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early morning (TEHEEHEE)

My current conundrum is LOVE LOST.

My heart is actually aching and the funny thing is, I broke up with him?

Well, let me

   clear things UP...

I broke up with him to focus purely on god SINCE i am a new believer and our relationship 9ish months ago was not that of a god pleasing and fearful couple.  I didn't realize that having an unevenly yolked relationship while trying to have a strong walk with the LORD will only be a burden when you are actually focused on GOD. I learned my first lesson which is you cannot have a relationship where one is running towards God while the other is doing , well something else.  I guess stagnant would be the appropriate word to use. I was a new believer and on fire and my partner was a believer who had strayed.

Anyways that was NOVEMBERish.  I am only now beginning to really FEEL the loss.

AND IT HURTS YOU GUYS.  We are both still friends and I love him more than any man next to the LORD and he is growing so tremendously. And it hurts because THAT is what I so desperately wanted when we were together. and i guess i have also learned that being faithful to god is not always easy nor does it make sense from our small human point of view.  But i can see that god is at a large work in my life today and NO MATTER HOW MUCH IT PAINS ME i must stay true to him and faithful because I know, he has a better plan for me than I do for myself.

                      Yet, this truth doesn't make it easier.

This all could be handled a lot differently, of course if I had a life without GOD.  I made a life altering choice the day I accepted him into my HEART and gave my life to CHRIST and the situations that used to BAFFLE me with abounding hopeless thoughts are now situations of purpose. EVENTS all leading to the next stage of life that god has predestined before me.

I cried my eyes out today and yesterday. And i even talked to my ex about what I was feeling and that helped because for me it got everything out in the open so that he could understand the way I was aCting and treating him. I feel like I should definitely be OVER HIM.  People have always said when you break up that person is meant to be in your past for a reason. But I guess for now he isn't? I don't have any answers and whenever I try to carry out MY WILL FOR MYSELF I wind up hurt, confused and in a worst place than I was to begin with. LOL

i also know that IF god has that in store for me than he will deliver me to that place and for now I just need to surrender the situation entirely to his haNds and pray to be in his will.

I am learning and growing so much but i NEED PRAYER and I am far from perfect and FAR from alright with everything that is going on in my life right now.  I just know that I am comforted when I am reminded of who MY GOD is. and just how powerful he is and what a great and faithful deliverer he is. this is my hope and my rock. This is my comfort in CHRIST<3

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my first day

College doesn't make me happy. The idea behind college adds to what the world would like to see in me and what I would like to feel from others when they acknowledge my status. But college doesn't make me happy. The lord does! I delight in him and never feel quite "stuffed" from his servings of love, mercy and grace. I desire to get deeper into his word and seek him without the distractions of life.
But when does my will align with gods and am I choosing to speak on his behalf when I say college doesn't make me happy AND I would like to take time apart to seek?
Exactly it is all really quite confusing at this point which directs me to the only solution of PRAYER. When god has spoken to me he has made it quite clear the steps or actions that are needed to take and while I KNOW he has put Bible College in my heart the outside circumstances of my life are quite opposing.
1) Finances- i have bills and work and a car payment that won't be complete for another 2
whole years! Up and going to Bible College would prove to delay these things and
maybe even leave me phoneless & carless which = BILL FREE with a sacrifice
2) I have never been away from my home.. And although the thought of LIVING on my
own excites me its a thought accompanied by facts. The facts being me already
graduating from college and me with a career of some sort that supports this financial
leap of faith.
3) While I am blessed beyond reason with free schooling I find that financial aid gives me
a sort of obligation to be faithful and continue with my education uninterrupted
because many would kill to have free schooling. And i have it. But at what risk?

The trouble with college that I am facing is mainly I go to a secular school. Which is perfectly find and I am in now way knocking the public educational system. However, I am finding more and more each semester that my faith and my beliefs are being attacked and I haven't even done anything to receive it. I know that when someone attacks GOD I should duck and let him accept it because it is him not me that they are offended by but it hurts to hear teachers filling the minds of youth with poisonous and well thought slanders. I have not once encountered a god fearing teacher who KNOCKED all the beliefs that the world finds acceptable so why should non-believers be allowed to do so?
THE IDEA OF SEPERATION OF CHURCH AND STATE is quite dumb. It really means nothing when I am in school receiving the teachings of the world and hearing JESUS CHRIST slandered.

My truth is I am weak to these attacks. I want to have revenge be mine but it is the LORDS REVENGE not mine. I feel as if I am falling the further I get to my educational goals of having a bachelors and masters the closer I am to encountering the beliefs of the blind and I am leaning on God the whole time just praying to make it through each course.

Well I'm off to do some seeking and reading and of course the enjoyment of LIFE itself in all its beauty and creation.
LOVE YOU ALL<3

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