Favorite nuggets ♥

Nothing about chicken will be written on this post.
I call nuggets those lovely truths that pop out at a person during their reading/studying.
Today in James 1, of course, I have found a few nuggets that I would like to share.
:)

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He Reigns in Me ♥

Romans 6:12 "Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires."

What if I don't know that I am obeying the evil desires of the sin nature I have been born into?

Well, when I was lost and wandering carefree through the world there was a lot that I allowed and a lot that I tolerated. I tolerated the misuse of my temple in ways such as smoking cigs, starving it, forcing myself to throw up, over eating and overcompensating for the void within with marijuana, self-mutilation, lots of other things. I lost something extremely precious to a man who was not deserving. Although I thank the Lord for keeping me protected and not allowing me to sleep with more than one person one man is enough for the enemy to remind me of who I once was; How I once allowed the sin within my mortal body to REIGN. 

Thankfully now Christ reigns. But that isn't something that happened overnight. I was going to church RELIGIOUSLY (no pun intended) for about 6 months before I could muster up any courage at all to declare Him as Lord and be held accountable for the sin that I was still desperately clinging to in my life. 

But back to the question at hand. Throughout the list mentioned above in the first paragraph, I could always recall, a voice within feeding me truth. A voice within that I figured was just the good person inside of me helping me. Telling me not to sleep with this person, not to try that drug, not to attend that party. There was this inner God consciousness that I believe every human being created is born with. Although I didn't have His Holy Spirit living within me He was near me protecting me and guiding me. Did I always listen? Definitely not. Sometimes I did though, and I was always grateful when I did. 

So you see I can't say I believe that everyone is that ignorant of the sin that seeks to destroy them. Somehow one way or another we are always battling the definite YES or NO. We are always wondering if we should put our finger in the electrical socket or not. If we should sneak into mom and dads bedroom to find the presents or not. To steal the chocolate candy when everyone leaves class to go to recess or not. These are all things that I can remember questioning from the elementary years. Those evil desires that we question, some chalk up to just plain curiosity, are there! They live within both you and me. Yet now they are only dwelling in a Holy Tomb. Our bodies once offered as instruments to God are now pure and clean and our battle is one of dark principalities and forces. When the sin nature seeks to kill and destroy we turn victorious to Christ who lives within us and stand upon the solid rock that He is shouting "I AM VICTORIOUS!". 

Praise the Lord for that good news. I needed to hear that and then some.

I pray you guys have a blessed Saturday and shoot me a prayer request if you have one.

♥cheche

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Rant of Love ♥

The children, I'm sorry. Students! :) The students in my English class are pushing my unholy buttons :(. I haven't had any trials thus far in my walk with Jesus towards the students in my classes. Maybe with the curriculum and the teachers beliefs but never felt such hostility from my peers. Long story short my group was disregarded and the rest of the class teamed up to share answers for the quiz (each group made the quiz so everyone combined had the answers). I think I was extremely hurt and regressed back into the WHEN CHE IS HURT CHE SHOWS ANGER AND STRENGTH. Rather than praying about it I gave in. I even said some smart remarks about conspirators. The funny and ironic thing was before the quiz everyone wanted OUR groups answers. As if our groups answers were the only ones they DID NOT KNOW? So obvious right?

Anyways My point for even addressing this in my blog is I am faulty. I am imperfect. I am sadly easily angered in MANY areas of my life still. And God has a reason for revealing this to me. A part of me feels I should go in with a clean slate mentally and be friendly to my peers but another part would rather live the rest of the semester staying away from all of them and focusing on my studies. I think this goes back to the NAZI childhood of being ACCEPTED or NOT ACCEPTED amongst peers. Being the only black girl (well, there were 3 of us at one point) in a all Mexican elementary school and neighborhood I had MANY lessons on how different I was. I learned at an early age that others can choose not to like you, and even make fun of you and showing weakness only fuels them. So I put on my tough mask and chose to beat others to making fun of myself as well as Being AGGRESSIVE so that others could not have a chance to intimidate me in any form.

That little Che must really be angry still because I can feel those same emotions coming up and it hurts and sucks. I just want to be able to love ALL of them like Jesus but instead I'm praying not to tell them all off and use big words and make them feel dumber than me. Yeah, this is the mind of your Christian friend Che. She isn't that cute sometimes is she? She also weirdly talks in third person and types it as well :). FUN FACT FOR YOU!

I really could use prayer over this. It seems small but it is eating me up and causing me to really feel horrible. I know I am not condemned but these thoughts and plots eat away at a persons spirit. I need the strength of Christ for this remaining semester and I really just want to love these little children.

"FORGIVE THEM FOR THEY KNOW NOT WHAT THEY DO". -Jesus on the cross after being tortured, beaten and given the death of a sinner which he was the exact opposite of.

Jesus said those words about me and you. He said those words with pure love and compassion for his murderers and all of mankind! Yet I hold a grudge against my neighbor for not liking me and being a little childishly mean??  Ughh.. I want to be like Jesus. And everyday I seem to realize just how much I need him in order to even resemble a fraction of who he was and is and is to come.

God help me please. I want to love as you do. Take this burden from me! I love you and I ask for your forgiveness once again.. Amen

Thanks for listening! anyone else gone through something similiar??

♥

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Things said and done ♥

The fact that I feel like I am failing at this whole blog thing is bothering me. To me, this began as an amazing outlet while I was struggling with my breakup. I found peace, and God really comforted me through this media as well, which was an amazing blessing. Now I feel as though maybe I should just pull out.


Today at work I felt pretty good. I had coffee and chocolate and I was extremely hyper and giddy all day because of it. The work day passed by swiftly and then I started to meditate on things.

I participated in gossip at work today about a new co-worker. After work I felt horrible. Gossiping or speaking of others when they are not around repulses me and I felt Satan waving my sin in my face as I left work. "What a great GODLY woman you are speaking of some one else and their character Che. Do not all fall short of Gods grace?"  I am not going to allow Satan to condemn me but I needed desperately to let that out. I just can't stand how full of wickedness I am, at times. I desperately want to be FREE of this world and the bondage of sin completely. God knows I want to just be full of nothing but light and perfect; but that is impossible. There is one who is perfect and that is Jesus Christ. So why do I beat myself up when I am only striving to be something I can never be and comparing myself to God?

For whatever reason school is stressing me out beyond relief. This semester I am being challenged and I feel so inadequate. Papers and quizzes and studying are weighing down on me. I don't feel like I am putting in my all. I'm scared that I am going to be another statistic. Another minority who starts what she will not finish. I feel like I will be in school forever sometimes and I will never earn the degree I desire. There is so much I worry about. There is so much I hold onto that is not mine. Is not my GOD bigger than all of this?

My ex did not wish me a HAPPY BIRTHDAY yesterday. For some reason I thought of "us" today. The old us. The us that saw no separation in the future and spent every moment of every day together. Then I felt remorse. How could I have wasted so much time with someone who from the beginning I knew was not the man for me? Now I think of other guys that I have met, some of which I like, and I feel hopeless in all kinds of ways. I feel like unless I lose the 20 pounds I did not have when I met my ex I will never catch the eye of a man. I feel stupid for liking this man I met recently. A big part of me is still insecure and can't seem to fathom being desired or loved. So maybe God plans for me to overcome this fully before he brings me to my beloved?







 (He is a Christian man btw. He is cute and dorky like me . Now I am crushing on him hard and worried about getting my hopes up. Guys have never really pursued me EVER. lol. But he seems to be a sweetheart with a heart for ministry. Why does my heart have to be so darn open? plus I have only been broken up for... well technically a year in November. But still.. ughh.. )

I feel pretty stupid and maybe my period is around the corner but I just am so overwhelmed with feelings that I just want to eat, cry and type. I sound crazy perhaps? I really don't care. i am so sick of thinking about the relationship that is dead. I am so sick of stumbling and getting back up. I am so sick of not believing in what I deserve and what I am owed as a child of God.

Lord, I need you so much. I pray to have you fully and allow no other substitutes. I pray to throw out all idols and all false hope. I love you Lord. Cleanse me. Make me new and change my heart. Open me to your word and your love. Be my everything Lord Jesus. Deliver me to you. I want to be who you've created me to be. I am so sick of loving the things of this world lord. I am so sick of wanting to know your will always. Guide me, use me and make me yours and only yours Lord. I put my life in your hands and I boy down to you and nothing else. Thank you lord. I love you.

♥cheche

p.s. is it just me or does Fall conjure up feelings of love and romance? I feel so hormonal but I also feel like love is right around the corner. REAL LOVE? Is that odd? ha ha

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