God thank you so much for showing me constantly how much I need you and to seek you above all things. Because truthfully I don't remind myself enough. I feel like I do but then
YOUR there speaking to me and I have to pray for the love you deserve to receive from me. I want to worship you in that continual way that compares to the ANGELS in heaven, Lord. Your love is so tangible at times I am overwhelmed and saddened because I desperately want to know
ALL OF YOU LORD. So I just pray
Jesus, to continue to seek your face
EACH AND EVERY DAY,
cada dia LORD! con todo mi corazón y todo mi cuerpo!
Today was a blessed day :). I hung out with my new friend Angie and it was awesome to be able to discuss the Lord openly with a friend and to receive their insight and feedback. I often find myself having to just STOP talking because I really talk way too much sometimes in conversation. It's not so much that I enjoy the sound of my own voice as it is that I don't want to bore people or make it awkward so I try to fill the void with my voice to keep things comfortable on my end. Yeah, I know. I have only recently (about a few months ago) realized just how selfish it is because I am doing all the talking and also doing it to make MYSELF comfortable around someone else. So now I have to gauge myself and mentally take a pause. It's proving to work so far and I find that often people I think are quiet have something to say, they just need room to do so ;). Apologies to those who suffer in conversation with me it really is something I'm in the process of letting go of.
My family in Oakland read my blog! I was so excited and overwhelmed with joy. I felt closer to them just knowing. Well, my
grandmother and cousin did. I really was nervous today when I sent out invitations to people. In the past I have always been secretive with my thoughts and this is the next big step in learning to be open and honest with my thoughts and just pray God receives glory from it and praise. Because before I was ever saved I lived in a
LONELY,
ISOLATED world that I had alienated myself into with just Myself and my sad godless thoughts. If purgatory existed in any form that would have been a grand description of who I had become throughout
high school. Of course, the end result when we focus only on ourselves as
humans is Depression which of course was my life theme for many years.
That being said every day with the Lord is a gift and a blessing and he delievered me to the happiness I
believed to be a myth, and peace, and love and he will hold my heart and my life forever :).
It was fun getting out and doing some straight up
WINDOW shopping because I am quite broken 'nd blessed. I saw so many new styles and cute clothing and I had to pray for me and my struggles with body image the whole while through. I've put on weight since being delivered from a battle with Anorexia and Bulimia and although I do overeat at times I find comfort in knowing that I could be doing things that have a way more detrimental effect on my health so if that means I'm going to be round and thick again SO BE IT.
SCRIPTURE
My day with angie ended later than I had expected which was great and then I hurried on to a fellowship Meeting at church and was blessed with Pastors teachings on James1:1-4.
"COUNT IT ALL JOY". In reference to trials and tests James declared to the 12 tribes
COUNT IT ALL JOY!!! Boy is that a great comfort because when I see trials and test I want OUT!! haha. Not to look at the joy that will come from it and the renewing of my
faith through stronger belief in his word and patience that he will get me through every trial that comes after the next. That just isn't what I do naturally. Of course I've always found myself feeling stronger and with much more patience and
OVERWHELMING JOY, but James allows us to see just how
NECESSARY as
believers it is for us to suffer in these trials because we suffer with
Christ! Now if that aint assuring I don't know what else to tell ya hun. I think if we look at the end result of trials as belivers we will have a whole new outlook while we are GOING through them. We will see that all of this is leading to a better me and a stronger relationship with our savior JESUS CHRIST<<3
FRANCINE RIVERS ♥
so i am almost done with my second book by her
The Scarlett Thread. Oh, I cannot emphasize the importance of this book in my life. Or the impact it has had on my faith and my heart. Francine seamlessly weaves two amazing stories of The Lords faithfulness and ability to restore all things that are broken when we seek his face above all things! I am a few chapters away from finishing and would have been done days ago but ya'll know a girl is broke and does her reading leisurely within the confines of bookstores for
FREE :).Within two weeks you can not only get outside and get some walking in but finish an amazing novel of your choice with about 1 1.2 hours to spare every other day. It's how I finished many books including
REDEEMING LOVE also by Mrs. Rivers.
Well that about does it for me tonight. I can't think of anything else I really wanted to cover. Oh prayer updates&requests:
-Got my little sister to come with me to the Evangelist night we have at church and she was very angry by the end of the service *(holy spirit was convicting many that NIGHT :) ) I prayed my eyes out when they made the call to come accept christ and be forgiven but it's on the lords timing not mine. I cried and had to fight back the tears so my sister would not see just how badly I want her to be saved and healed. Be praying for her, my brother and my mom. <3
-I still have no idea how Bible College is happening but its on my heart nonetheless and heavy with weight. Pray gods will be carried out accordingly! He is faithful I look forward to seeing how that works out.
-School Starts in a week and I am nervous. Pray I not be faced with too many radical Professors looking to scare or teach the god out of anyone. Secular schooling can be very spiritually depressing and it just shows how big this battle for our lives is.
-I mentioned it earlier but the issues with the sin of obsessing over my weight and how I look are still receiving attacks daily (although not as powerful) and while I am a year free of those practices that were of sin these attacks are draining I just need prayer to see myself with solely the eyes of Jesus Christ as well as seeing others with his eyes as well!
dang, I sure know how to type novels don't I. Be praying for discernment in ALL areas of my life and the protection of the lord to be around me always and for his spirit to THRIVE in me. Thank you lord.
♥
