XFlirting...? ♥X

Or not flirting?
I would go into detail on this but I actually am going to hold back on the details.
I know.
I NEVER hold back.
lol
But this one calls for a bit of discreet babbling because I would hate for any individuals attached to this question...
TO BE FOLLOWING ME ANONYMOUSLY OR PRIVATELY...

I've never cared about what personal friends and family may follow me but I just don't want to risk anything :).

Anyways.
How do you guys know when a man is flirting.
Obviously, for the most part at least, worldly men are all pretty much the same.
But within the body of Christ.
And this many being a GODLY man.
How in the world do we know when they are flirting INTENTIONALLY.

I know a few men who naturally sort of flirt with women when they speak to them.
BUT this was quite different.
I don't know if I am being OVERLY sensitive or if I should just chalk it up to nothing.

I want desperately to unload what has been taking place but it was an isolated and unique event and any detail would give away said individual and I would be blushing (yes.. black women feel the heat in their face too...) each time I ran into this guy at church..

Maybe I should delete that?


Oh dear.


Tomorrow I have Sunday Service and I get to serve coffee at our churches second service.
Pretty excited although I am feeling EXTREMELY exhausted thinking of waking up early after this workweek.
But I know once I am surrounded by my brothers and sisters all seeking the Lord and loving one another I will be encouraged in the decision to be obedient and not flake on my responsiblity.

OH LORD. Today was different day.
I kinda was late to both jobs.
:(
I know.

I'm done.
I'm sleepy.
Forgive me for the gaps and loops in this post.

I'm not all there...lol

Love you all. And I pray the LORD makes His presence known to you this Sunday!!


♥CheChe

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August 18, 2010

I saw EAT PRAY LOVE today.

I know I may sound a bit odd or crazy to some or most but all of my spirit was against me seeing this movie. I didn't really know why because I had only seen one trailer and had no idea what the movie was about to be honest. I just rejected it from the pit of my stomach. Anyways, I of course being the woman I am right now, I decided since my mom wanted to take me that I shouldn't turn down an innocent way to bond because I'm really wanting to develop a stronger connection with her. We were able to practically spend the day together and while I still find myself not really knowing what to say to her I enjoyed listening to her and learning more about her through her just being herself. Then it was 7:05 and we were at the theatre in our seats eating popcorn and I was mentally trying to become optimistic since it felt my soul and body were uncomfortable with what was to come.

The movie was really ALRIGHT. I didn't feel connected to the character and I also realized that the ending left me feeling more hopeless for her character than at the beginning of the movie.  Worshiping false idols, going to some very odd healer, praying or meditating to some guru. The movie just reeked of new age and evil. Yeah, I guess I am a bit conservative but I feel biblical sound in my feelings and spiritually I felt extremely attacked throughout the movie. JESUS was not mentioned once even in the negative sense in a movie with the word PRAY in the title?

Has our nation come so far liberally that we can be comfortable watching every religion on the planet be portrayed but bringing up Jesus Christ is just too offensive or something? Seriously I'm really struggling with this. I feel like I just watched a hopeless person spread just how hope all are without the love of Jesus Christ and his blood giving us new life.

There is this whole scene where she speaks of "GOD DWELLS IN US AND THEREFORE GOD IS US" it was the biggest load of garbage and I can admit 2 1/2 years ago I would've jumped on that! In fact I was that person. "God is in the air in me and in everyone blah blah love all.." I don't know what else to say except we are so comfortable with our faith being attacked that we don't even realize when we are witnessing our GOD be denounced right in front of our eyes. I say this to all the other women who are of faith and watched the movie. I am the biggest hypocrite by the way.. And this is me kind of talking to myself more than anything. Because I am also a TWILIGHT FAN not a super fan more of a hopeless romantic fan therefore anything romantic I'm on board :(. lol So I'm not saying I feel like this movie is just trash but I really just felt like my spirit was crying to be out of that theater before I even sat down and watched it. And if I abide in the spirit the spirit abides in me right? So I don't know how to argue against what I felt because I know it was the truth nor do I know how to explain it.

I'm not sure how to make sense of my emotions but yeah. Thanks for listening to that rant. I just feel like I'm called to live in this world but I don't know how to exactly want to be in this world when I feel so at odds with everything about this world! It's crazy...

I really enjoyed spending time with my mom. And it was a nice REAL summer day here in California. I feel like she's a bit uncomfortable around me. I don't know why I get that feeling but it's there. I feel like we can never really TALK about real issues. It is a burden but I really seek to lift it to the LORD and just see the blessings that he grants me with her. As well as my brother and sister. It sucked to see her notice ME not feel as on fire for the movie as she was; Even more not knowing WHAT TO TALK ABOUT afterward.

I love you mom. I wish we could talk about our shared faith and our struggles together and pray together.  I wish you and i could have that mother-daughter relationship I always desired and I wish that didn't feel like such a humongous task because you really know me best.  How is it possible to feel so close to you yet so far apart at the same exact time?? I'm really feeling lonely after the breakup and it was nice to escape and spend time with you today and remember I am loved. I felt like your child today. It was amazing. I pray we get to do something like this again real soon. Because just like everyone else on this planet we are living on borrowed time and I want to connect before I am alive in the presence of God. Don't know why I'm feeling so emotional I just really would hate to lose you or leave not knowing where your soul will be.

♥

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early morning (TEHEEHEE)

My current conundrum is LOVE LOST.

My heart is actually aching and the funny thing is, I broke up with him?

Well, let me

   clear things UP...

I broke up with him to focus purely on god SINCE i am a new believer and our relationship 9ish months ago was not that of a god pleasing and fearful couple.  I didn't realize that having an unevenly yolked relationship while trying to have a strong walk with the LORD will only be a burden when you are actually focused on GOD. I learned my first lesson which is you cannot have a relationship where one is running towards God while the other is doing , well something else.  I guess stagnant would be the appropriate word to use. I was a new believer and on fire and my partner was a believer who had strayed.

Anyways that was NOVEMBERish.  I am only now beginning to really FEEL the loss.

AND IT HURTS YOU GUYS.  We are both still friends and I love him more than any man next to the LORD and he is growing so tremendously. And it hurts because THAT is what I so desperately wanted when we were together. and i guess i have also learned that being faithful to god is not always easy nor does it make sense from our small human point of view.  But i can see that god is at a large work in my life today and NO MATTER HOW MUCH IT PAINS ME i must stay true to him and faithful because I know, he has a better plan for me than I do for myself.

                      Yet, this truth doesn't make it easier.

This all could be handled a lot differently, of course if I had a life without GOD.  I made a life altering choice the day I accepted him into my HEART and gave my life to CHRIST and the situations that used to BAFFLE me with abounding hopeless thoughts are now situations of purpose. EVENTS all leading to the next stage of life that god has predestined before me.

I cried my eyes out today and yesterday. And i even talked to my ex about what I was feeling and that helped because for me it got everything out in the open so that he could understand the way I was aCting and treating him. I feel like I should definitely be OVER HIM.  People have always said when you break up that person is meant to be in your past for a reason. But I guess for now he isn't? I don't have any answers and whenever I try to carry out MY WILL FOR MYSELF I wind up hurt, confused and in a worst place than I was to begin with. LOL

i also know that IF god has that in store for me than he will deliver me to that place and for now I just need to surrender the situation entirely to his haNds and pray to be in his will.

I am learning and growing so much but i NEED PRAYER and I am far from perfect and FAR from alright with everything that is going on in my life right now.  I just know that I am comforted when I am reminded of who MY GOD is. and just how powerful he is and what a great and faithful deliverer he is. this is my hope and my rock. This is my comfort in CHRIST<3

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