August 18, 2010

I saw EAT PRAY LOVE today.

I know I may sound a bit odd or crazy to some or most but all of my spirit was against me seeing this movie. I didn't really know why because I had only seen one trailer and had no idea what the movie was about to be honest. I just rejected it from the pit of my stomach. Anyways, I of course being the woman I am right now, I decided since my mom wanted to take me that I shouldn't turn down an innocent way to bond because I'm really wanting to develop a stronger connection with her. We were able to practically spend the day together and while I still find myself not really knowing what to say to her I enjoyed listening to her and learning more about her through her just being herself. Then it was 7:05 and we were at the theatre in our seats eating popcorn and I was mentally trying to become optimistic since it felt my soul and body were uncomfortable with what was to come.

The movie was really ALRIGHT. I didn't feel connected to the character and I also realized that the ending left me feeling more hopeless for her character than at the beginning of the movie.  Worshiping false idols, going to some very odd healer, praying or meditating to some guru. The movie just reeked of new age and evil. Yeah, I guess I am a bit conservative but I feel biblical sound in my feelings and spiritually I felt extremely attacked throughout the movie. JESUS was not mentioned once even in the negative sense in a movie with the word PRAY in the title?

Has our nation come so far liberally that we can be comfortable watching every religion on the planet be portrayed but bringing up Jesus Christ is just too offensive or something? Seriously I'm really struggling with this. I feel like I just watched a hopeless person spread just how hope all are without the love of Jesus Christ and his blood giving us new life.

There is this whole scene where she speaks of "GOD DWELLS IN US AND THEREFORE GOD IS US" it was the biggest load of garbage and I can admit 2 1/2 years ago I would've jumped on that! In fact I was that person. "God is in the air in me and in everyone blah blah love all.." I don't know what else to say except we are so comfortable with our faith being attacked that we don't even realize when we are witnessing our GOD be denounced right in front of our eyes. I say this to all the other women who are of faith and watched the movie. I am the biggest hypocrite by the way.. And this is me kind of talking to myself more than anything. Because I am also a TWILIGHT FAN not a super fan more of a hopeless romantic fan therefore anything romantic I'm on board :(. lol So I'm not saying I feel like this movie is just trash but I really just felt like my spirit was crying to be out of that theater before I even sat down and watched it. And if I abide in the spirit the spirit abides in me right? So I don't know how to argue against what I felt because I know it was the truth nor do I know how to explain it.

I'm not sure how to make sense of my emotions but yeah. Thanks for listening to that rant. I just feel like I'm called to live in this world but I don't know how to exactly want to be in this world when I feel so at odds with everything about this world! It's crazy...

I really enjoyed spending time with my mom. And it was a nice REAL summer day here in California. I feel like she's a bit uncomfortable around me. I don't know why I get that feeling but it's there. I feel like we can never really TALK about real issues. It is a burden but I really seek to lift it to the LORD and just see the blessings that he grants me with her. As well as my brother and sister. It sucked to see her notice ME not feel as on fire for the movie as she was; Even more not knowing WHAT TO TALK ABOUT afterward.

I love you mom. I wish we could talk about our shared faith and our struggles together and pray together.  I wish you and i could have that mother-daughter relationship I always desired and I wish that didn't feel like such a humongous task because you really know me best.  How is it possible to feel so close to you yet so far apart at the same exact time?? I'm really feeling lonely after the breakup and it was nice to escape and spend time with you today and remember I am loved. I felt like your child today. It was amazing. I pray we get to do something like this again real soon. Because just like everyone else on this planet we are living on borrowed time and I want to connect before I am alive in the presence of God. Don't know why I'm feeling so emotional I just really would hate to lose you or leave not knowing where your soul will be.

♥