thank you. (♥)

For listening.
With your eyes.
And still sticking around.
I'm not going to AFRICA.
I have the most humiliating peace about it all.
Che wants to go and is willing and ready.
This trip however is not the one. And it hurts.
I invested so much of my own works into it all.
The Lord revealed so much about Himself in the last
three months that have been devoted to this trip. However,
I will not be on that plane with my sisters. It hurts but GOD
is sovereign and I would rather be in a bit of pain in His will
than feeding my own desires outside of His.
Thank you. That is all. For now. I will, HOWEVER, be going to AFRICA.
I will. :).

This weekend I attended my first ever wedding. I had a 20 dollar dress on. A pair of 18 dollar shoes. And quite frankly I forgot to take any "beauty" shots or decent pictures of my own. I was so tired that day as I have been for most of this year that I really didn't put too much time and investment into getting ready. God worked it all out for me and boy was that A BLESSINGG.

The wedding was small and intimate. I was so happy to have been able to go dressed in semi decent clothes. I will probably be wearing this same dress to my next wedding which happens to be this Saturday. I think that I am probably breaking a few hundred fashion rules by doing so but I really don't have the time or cash to care. Boy HAVE I come a lonngggg way.

I have a confession.
I don't enjoy posting pictures of myself! HAH~!
I would rather post pictures of things I think are beautiful.
Of my face only in perfect lighting. OF my friends and family.
But posting pictures of myself in the raw. It is quite intimidating
and uncomfortable. I don't know how some of you ladies do it.
You guys are so courageous (not to mention BEAUTIFUL) and I just
have so much respect for your boldness. Tis beautiful to see
beautiful women being beautiful online. If that makes any sense.

Today was my only day of work until next Thursday. I don't have any set plans.
But I will definitely be sneeking off with my King and doing some reading and
PRAYING. Cuz I need it!






 
How do you guys feel about posting pictures of yourself verses non-yourself posts?







btw. I love posting ♥'s . Seriously. I may have an addiction or something. Even when I write on paper I have to put hearts instead of DOTS... It has become a bit.... scaryy...?

♥CheChe

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Dear Lord,

Why must I always feel strong enough to text him after I've read the BIBLE? Seriously, does that make any sense at all? I had an amazing quiet time with my King this morning and was still feeling extremely sleepy after hanging out with some friends from church really late last night. So I get back into bed groggy and text him a simple question. Nothing really important just asking if he knows someone I met last night. Then he responds and all I think about it how much distance there is between us. All I see is the beautiful, SKINNY, woman that looks NOTHING like me plastered on the front of his phone. Or the GORGEOUS Latina chick pasted on his Myspace (which I happily deleted a while ago btw).

Comparison is the quickest way to UNHAPPINESS. I keep comparing myself. I keep thinking who on this planet will EVER love me again? Aside from CHRIST I feel so hopeless romantically. I feel so hopeless and unworthy ladies.. I know my worth isn't based upon the things that will fade like my body or how BEAUTIFUL I am but if I've learned anything it's to be honest in my struggles and THIS IS HONESTLY my struggle just for TODAY. I don't feel thin enough, in shape enough, proportionate, I feel lazy, in need of the gym, in need of a miracle.. lol

I already feel much better after purging that out! Financially I am STRUGGLING greatly. I need more hours at work but SCHOOL will definitely suffer if I try to overload. Plus there aren't any hours available at the BANK. I applied for a loan to cover a few things and bring me back up to positive but was respectfully declined. God WILL provide. I just wish I could Find another way to work where maybe I could do homework as well? That would be a blessing. Or a new job that pays better and allows me to have time to study and do work. Ugh. Being an adult can be a bit draining at times. Sometimes I wonder how exactly I became an adult so quickly. Soon, I'll be thinking how I became a wife, a person with a PROFESSION, kids *all of this god-willing of course :)*... I just hate having to depend on my mom for things like lunch or food. I was so spoiled in my independence and I feel like I'm back to being that child I was so desperate to break free of when I was younger. Praying I will find a mechanic willing to fix my car and for an affordable cost and that will help out a lot.

I have faith in you Lord. Though I am troubled I know you are with me. I pray that all of my words be pleasing to your ears. That I bring you joy somehow. I pray for satisfaction in each day you have given me and to remember just how SMALL I am and how GREAT you are :). You are GOD sovereign! I am but a child and thank you for being my father! You teach us in your word that if we LOVE GOD then we will Love CHRIST! That we will believe you and TRUTH will be revealed and SET us FREE. You teach us that if we don't believe in you then we believe the FATHER OF LIES who is SATAN. Thank you for freeing me LORD. Give me strength to fight the LIES of satan. TO fight with prayer, fellowship and time with you! AWAKEN MY SOUL LORD JESUS :)!! I AM YOURS FULLY. OH GOD PLEASE USE ME!!
In Jesus Name I make this Prayer
AMEN




Have a SUPER SILLY SUNDAY!
♥cheche

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