Spirited Rant

If Jesus is not the reason I'd love to stop believing.
I just see so much around me.
So many distractions and so much unappreciated BEAUTY.
 I cry out and my vocal chords give way.
I can not speak the desires perfectly of my ♥.
I am just rambling. I feel so much today. I feel so much SPIRIT within me that if I could at this moment in this public library I would jump into some sassy ballet stance and leap gracefully around the other students here allowing my voice and mind to be cut off and the HOLY SPIRIT to speak amplified through my heart...
I love my Savior.
He has changed my life and my perspective within the life he has given me.

I can see him in my day you guys! I can hear him and I occasionally respond immediately. The future with him flows out of my eyes. Because I know it is good. All good things come through him. He and the father are one. Through him we have access to the Father. The Father is well pleased with his Son. I don't know where that or any of this came from but I am inspired and I reckon God is my muse.

I was just sitting here abusing my internet privileges and watching an episode of Gossip Girl Season 4 Episode 1 and when I finished I just left for a second or something? I was out of my body and I was in my body and I was so in LOVE.

Is any of this making sense to anyone... Because I most certainly do not understand it...

Last night at church a man from Uganda came and spoke. He said many things and the spirit was alive and present in him. He spoke on being USED. GOD sees what we can not see in ourselves. What I can not see in myself. He sees the tools he has planted within me and He has a will and plan for those tools of mine. I want to go to Africa. I sat there watching the video of my native lands and I saw myself in one of the girls on screen. I saw myself in a few faces and my heart ached to serve and do something for my brothers and sisters in Africa.

When I first came to know the Lord last year I was immediately in need to leave America and be of service somewhere. I picked up our churchs missions book and saw that there are Calvary Chapels on literally every continent. I read through the missions book and looked at the prayer requests hoping God may show me where he wanted to lead me. This was well over 7 months ago? He didn't speak to me on where. I assumed Ireland for whatever reason.

No, I do believe my God spoke to me last night. He answered me. He told me my hearts desire, the desire that aligns with his will.

Just a little f.y.i...

I am not a missionary! I mean, I wear highheels when I ride my beach cruiser to school. I am in love with heels actually. I dream of lovely fabrics draping my body and expensive silks in my bedroom one day. I am a spoiled, Jesus loving., California girl who prays to have a heart and mind ONLY for my Lord. But that is where I am today.

Of course he has worked in me and changed so much about even these things I just touched on. But I see them and I hear the thoughts that I think and I know I am far from being able to get down and dirty in the slums of Africa. Whereever he has called me I know that only by the strength of God would I be there and be able to be of any type of service.

But that is EXACTLY what I am talking about. God will give me that strength, that courage and those words I need to say to do his will :). I don't need to look at just how far from PERFECT I am in light of this particular situation. I don't need to worry about HOW I will become the woman I believe I need to be in order to do Gods will. He will provide.

Just a quick update on my personal life. I got my car fixed basically for free because of the love God has for me and for his obedient servants who happened to take the shape of my mom and Grandmother. Please keep these women both in your prayers btw if the thoughts strikes! I then received the invitation to be on my Grandmonthers phone plan to help me save money just because I simply could not afford to have one anymore. God provided these things. I am so thankful for the family I have and the love they have for me but without God I would be carless and phoneless right now because my pride tells me I am unworthy of reaching out for help when I so desperately am a wreck.
However, I digress. The last two weeks I survived with no money. I was fed, I received free gas, I attended church, I attended an event I planned for the 18-25 year old bible study I attend when I had no gas at all. Long story short me and a brother in Christ planned NARNIA NIGHT (I had never seen Narnia and I had no idea just how much biblical symbolism was in that movie!) and the night before I was driving home from church and realized wow, I don't know how God is getting me to the movie night I planned or if he is. But I had peace about it.
I digress again.

GOD PROVIDES! He has taken these two weeks to show me just how much he cares and just how much he loves me and JUST HOW CLOSE HE IS TO ME EACH AND EVERY MOMENT OF EVERY DAY / HOUR/ MINUTE/ SECOND.  I was forced by my own irresponsible ways to see the GOD OF ETERNITY. He has not changed since he lead the Israelites out of slavery and he is no different than the GOd who revealed the Revelation of Jesus Christ to John on the island of Patmos. HE is my God who died for my sins so that I may have victory over them and come back to my Father. I am not to worry about the hows of my life.

SOME ARE:

• how will I ever attract a husband?
• how will I ever finish school?
• how will I ever get to Africa/Haiti?
• how will I ever pay off this or that?
• how will I ever live on my own...?
• how will I ever be a loving submissive wife?
• how will I ever help raise other human beings?
• how will I ever...

The list definitely goes on y'all. But you get my point.
God has a plan for me and you. He knows this plan and it is good. It will be carried out. However, the road there is what worries us. God has told me to just focus on his face and seek his face in all that I do and I will get there. He has told me that obedience and surrendering are required of me on this road. I need not worry only obey and surrender unto Him and the rest will be good.

Easier said than done I know but I have been obedient and surrendered and it was a struggle, but when I finally did I witnessed GOD show me his face and say "this is my daughter of whom I am proud for she seeks to please her Father." Oh dear God, amen.


Thank you for stopping by one of my spirited rants. I love you all and God bless you and keep you on this special day he has given us! Seek his face and he will guide your ways. For he is good and we can put all our trust in him.


talestai***



♥cheche



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just a picture of one of my favorite shirt dresses! I am in love with this shirt. Every time I wear it I feel the urge to take pictures and I feel so much more AFRICAN than American. If that makes any sense :)..

taking pictures while riding my bike from school= SO FUN :). pray it isn't illegal.. ha ha Goodnight ladies and gent!

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What a DAY!

Sadly I did not have the time to participate in MEGS MINGLE MONDAY YET! I still have until MIDNIGHT but I feel with work and school work that may not be accomplished.. Nonetheless I took a peek and let me just tell y'all that there is a large group of women over there who are ready to mingle and see your blog and maybe you will even gain some new willing and joyful followers as well. After all, we are here to write and share ourselves with the world through our blogs not to write and get the most followers or anything right?? ;). lol The Lord know I have pouted many a time at my lack thereof in all areas of my life so trust me, the blog has undergone unnecessary scrutiny from myself in that area. In the end God showed me that I am doing something that really brings me comfort and peace and most importantly it gives HIM all the glory and to that I can not allow my own pride and greed to get in the way. 

Today was amazing everyone. I know I have been quite the complainer or at least I have felt that way but God has his hand so deeply in our lives that I think sometimes we forget until we are literally watching him carry out his own will above ours. 

My English class was canceled today as a start. Yes, that was just a shock all in its own because English teachers do not play games and they are there every class on time ready to get your essays and look at your crookedly if you have no work to turn in. This was a BLESSING because I was able to see a girlfriend of mine whom I have recently began to see less of. Our hangout was definitely a divine appointment and no coincidence because from that I was really able to see just how weak I am in sharing my faith and telling other people what I am and am not comfortable with and WHY. The why being my Lord and Savior who has made me a new creation and that I literally can not stomach certain types of language or conversations anymore. Yet, I found myself unable to express this with a close friend and a young girl we had met. Instead I laughed uncomfortably not wanting to make them uncomfortable and did my "best" to not add anything that would leave me convicted or feeling apart of it.

Mission failed. Although I didn't necessarily sin I definitely was being taught a completely different lesson in obedience and speaking up in my FAITH. I know there is no condemnation but I was very disturbed by this revelation of self. Next month will be a year of me walking with Christ and I feel that I should be growing in my faith publicly and speaking out against things when called to, in the name of Jesus. I was definitely a weak type of Peter today denying my Lord for my own safety and comfort. Oh Lord, forgive me. I need the strength to speak out and up for your namesakes. 

The BLESSING that really came from this was my irrational decision to call up a sister who is becoming quite the little prayer warrior ;). I let her know I wanted to hang out and pray and we ended up talking and deciding to go get food after and pray before dinner instead of in my car on an empty tummy. Somehow within 5 minutes we decided to drive to our sisters house around the corner to pick her up (not having asked her yet) and get food and pray together. She claimed she looked a mess and had already eaten as well so we ended up in her house discussing various struggles in our walks and just opening up about love, life and what Christ is doing in our lives.

This was not on my menu for the evening but then this sister (and myself prior) actually felt lead to open up and for us to pray over anything we were allowing ourselves to hold on to because forgetting that it is all in our Lords hands to begin with tends to be something we all struggle with in different areas. The fact that we think we are holding on  to these hindrances as if any of them belong to us is the problem because we don't have the faith to willingly allow Christ to take it. We are not in control at all and God continually is reminding us through the sin or things we hold on to. Slowly he asks us to surrender and we are either caught off guard or our whole worlds are shaken because we can not imagine a life without our hands gripping this thing in our lives we are desperately trying to keep.

Something I particularly felt lead to share that I don't really surrender to God is my sexual abuse/molestation/attempted rape/rape? from my childhood. I always have felt alone about this because the one time I opened up to my ______ I was told I was a liar. It was the hardest thing I have ever swallowed. I was in 5th grade and I learned a false truth that night. That nobody could be trusted in this world. So much has came from that one night and the sexual issue alone that a lot of my testimony ultimately is linked back to that night. Those years of feeling so disgusting for no reason at all. False guilt and shame were my truths and boy does Satan love using these in the lives of women! We throw away our worth and accept these instead and the affect they can have are ones that usually lead to death, whether spiritually or physically. I was dead you guys for so long and the love of Christ woke me up. Just like the girl in Mark? When Jesus says she is only sleeping and then tells her "talitha* (young girl) awake!". And she awakes from what was surely her death bed. Oh I get chills just typing it. (to sleepy to look it up sorry!! it is either mark or luke??)

Tonight I learned that I have amazing sisters in my life who truly love our God. They are young women like me but when I sat in that living room the wisdom and love was nothing less than that of true disciples with the desire of God in their hearts. 

• I learned that I need to make an effort to pray for the sin that God has forgiven me of because I really have not forgiven myself completely. I need to pray for my families salvation with more urgency. 
• I need to pray for the love of Christ to overflow from me so that I may truly carry out his will according to his plan.
• I need to take myself out of my life and ask WHAT DOES GOD WANT? more/always. 
• I need JESUS so much it would be sick of me to think any area of mylife is fine if it has not been surrendered completely to him.
• I am really ready for the Love God wants me to have with him and for the man he has pcreated with me in mind :). 
• That I am being healed day by day and he will finish this work he has began in my life as well as yours.

Do not lose hope because you are loved by HIM, God would not have brought you to his feet without a plan and a purpose. He will relieve you of these things but he desires to hear us ask and rely on him for everything first! So be still and seek his face above all and he will heal you, guide you and love you the way only he knows how. God bless the Word of God and the faithful children whom have heard his call and obeyed. I am so blessed to be alive and able to appreciate all that he is tonight.. May God continue to reveal himself in our lives and to guide us! More of him and less of me is my overall prayer and lesson tonight ladies and gents. God bless you and keep you and be mindful you never know when God will have you be a blessing in the lives of others!!

♥cheche

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