Panhandling for the Coveted ♥

I know GOD supplies all of my needs.
I do.
I really, really do.
But where does PAN-HANDLING come into play?

I know. I am quite pathetic to even think such a thought.
But...(stay with me here)... BUT...

[I once met a guy who panhandled FOR A LIVING.]  <--Excuse insert
He had a shifty right eye and used it to his advantage to make money
on the corner. Add to that an outfit that the more privilidged
Orange County-ans would consider the look of poverty and voila!
You have a phony bum.
In the middle of the walkway, or in front of your local
grocery store.
Anyways, due to the crazy person I am without Christ (and mainly an ex-boyfriend)
I came into the paths of this man and he told me that this was his way of living.
He made about as much as I make in a week in a day.
IT opened my eyes. It changed me. I was so confused. I was a bit angry. A tad jealous
and just downright intrigued.reliving the conversation... Wondering, if the desire
to panhandle for a... CAMERA would be the right thing to do...
I would be honest about it.

I would write "A starving student, with a roof over her head and gas-guzzling, grand marquis seeks your extra change in order to obtain the camera she cannot ever possibly afford working part-time in a financial institution."

An honest panhandler is something to be revered ladies. I dare say, they aren't all quite as impoverished as you think.
Yes. I just used one guy who pretended to be a bum as an excuse to pose such a question about panhandling.

When Jesus walked the earth he saw those that begged and would give them REAL WEALTH, eternal life! He would reach out His hand, He would command the lame to walk and He would certainly not pity them. He blesses all who have faith.


I guess. I guess. Well, perhaps the panhandling thing isn't what the Lord wants me to do. But I just wanted to be honest about the thoughts that creep into my head. This is the woman you are following. She is in need of prayer. At all times.

thank you. I...

and I apologize for the offensive thoughts.
I have quite a long way to go.

♥cheche

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[♥] The Ramblings

my precious dog Jude sleeping. My man.

I've finally found a new muse in literature. If one can call fiction such. I feel comfortable doing so, so please do not be offended. This week I began SENSE AND SENSIBILITY. When I was younger I didn't appreciate the witty and thought provoking styles of early british literature. In fact, I had developed such disdain for the names Austen and Bronte and Dickens that I really just thought anyone who spoke of them was being pompous and boastful. I figured the only people who could stomach something so dull and unnecessarily complex were disturbed in some invisible way and only forced themselves to swallow the readings knowing that it would give them lovely conversation in the familiar social settings.

me and the girls at ALTA. Impromptu study sesh turned artsy picture...

However, I have either admitted that I am invisibly disturbed or changed my opinion of such connoisseurs. I pray it is the latter ;). I watched Jane Eyre recently with a dearly beloved and close sister of mine and it sparked a real hunger for depth. Atonement was the first movie to ever develop a thirst for something different. I was used to the American feedings of Nicolas Sparks and Francine Rivers was later discovered after that. But, not to discredit either for they are great writers, my taste had began to desire something new and different. So in the last few months I had began scouring the aisles of Barnes and Noble and borders looking for what my heart was coveting. But I couldn't find anything that really hit the spot.  Does anyone understand what I mean by that? Or am I the only woman in the world who stalks the aisles of bookstores reading covers and first chapters praying to strike GOLD??

Well, I digress.


I had picked up C.S Lewis and although he was interesting and I found a spark of enthusiasm developing he just wasn't it. I went back to Rivers but it was the same. So I waited and avoided the bookstore aisles for a while only going with friends and diverting my attention to the magazine racks knowing they could provide temporary relief. Then Jane Eyre was introduced to me. And I became a bit obsessed with the movie. It wasn't enough that the love was so raw yet pure. It wasn't enough that the dialogue was fascinating, brilliant yet comprehensible. No. It was definitely a combination of that distant yet tangible ERA of time that captivated me.


So, in order to not bore you any longer with my would be british style of a post... Yes. I tried. Please forgive me if you made it this far. I would like to let you all know that I am currently in love with Sense and Sensibility by the late Jane Austen and am loving everything that I once despised. Isn't it crazy how our taste changes so drastically as life goes on? I am actually shocked that the Gossip Girl series once had my full attention in middle school... I couldn't ever go back to that type of reading and feel satisfaction, yet that was exactly what those books delivered when I was younger.


Okay. This was not a juicy post. I know. But it was definitely from the heart ,as well as a sleep deprived mindset. Therefore, I am content and satisfied in posting this for all to view and be bored with. Why, I don't even care if I lose a reader or two. lol. I'm seriously in need of sleep..

taking pictures while driving. Such a great role model.

I leave you with this picture. Be blessed today. Wednesday is always nice. Mid-week. Hope and light at the end of that work week tunnel.

Okay. So I don't remember if I told you guys about the Dermatitis I developed *allergic reaction* on my upper lip that left a scar... BUT... If I didn't I thought I'd show you guys a picture in which the scar is visible so you can see what I have to live with. I kind got shy and did some effects to the picture to lighten the scar but it is still pretty prominent. It looks like I have dirt on my lip :(. Well, the good thing is now I know that my husband will be legit. Not just a godly man but one not into the perfect look or flawless face. lol A humble man indeed. Oh, and I apologize for speaking so much of this imaginary, future husband. These weddings have really sparked more talk of Him recently and it is a bit annoying repeating "future husband" over and over and not knowing how to stop. My poor friends. And you guys.. So sorry. 

Thanks for tolerating me these last couple of days. I haven't really been doing any posts with a clear theme. I think my blog has reflected where I am spiritually right now. With Africa all of a sudden being not something that the Lord has me doing I've been left with this wonder. Wondering what exactly it all means and that although I trust God and believe His ways are always better, I'm a bit hurt that in this situation His ways are not in alignment with my wants. I want to go to Africa but His ways are steering me opposite. I trust you God... it just hurts. I mourned today like a sad, sad little girl. Pray for my silly temperament if the spirit strikes. I know it will all work out to His good purpose.

Okay, I'm really done writing now. Night and Goodmorning...

♥CheChe♥

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Where Is Everyone [♥] ?

 (today was weird. I enjoyed the weather and ran all my errands but I just felt like where is everyone? I love being alone but today had an odd edge to the missing people. I don't know who was missing exactly but the day felt just...empty. People wise. Just a thought.)

Tomorrow I have a wedding! Yay. That will be two Saturdays in a row that I have attended a wedding. It is only so amazing because I remember 2 1/2 years ago praying to be able to witness a wedding ceremony. All of a sudden I remember just being in love with the idea of LOVE. TRUE LOVE. Of a man actually respecting and loving a woman enough to marry her and to promise to be faithful. I really wanted to be able to witness it because I had never really experienced that before in life...But I had began to believe in it. 

Isn't it funny how we just start changing preference wise? One day I'm an atheist the next I'm crying out to God. One day I love twix bars, the next day I'm despising them... So interesting how God allows us to be in this constant state of change but He is everlasting and never changing. Love it.

Today I thought I'd be bold and show you a daily outfit. I am by no means a fashion, flashy girl. I really love the idea of fashion more just because it doesn't always look quite the same on me. LoL.

do you like my zoolander face. Seriously though..,? I have braces so my smile isn't quite... "mature".

I love these glasses. They are my everyday accessory of choice. They aren't meant to make me look stunning but since I was a little girl I've wanted glasses and 4 years ago it became possible. however, that is a post for a later time.

this has become one of my go-to outfits recently. Hides the gut and is semi-flattering to the curves :).

are you enjoying seeing my outfit in creepy, chopped up photo bits?

alright. last close up. Does anyone else ever have photo shoots in their car like a dork... or am I the only cool one left? 

SO. That is my little wannabe outfit thingy post. I know it ain't much but it felt good to put aside my fear and let y'all see me. Today I got 180 dollars in my paycheck. Being sick a week or two ago I missed two days of work and yeah. Definitely affected my paycheck. So I bought 50 dollars worth of groceries I'm praying will last until next paycheck and filled up my tank. So here I am. A broke child as always. But you know what. Greater is He who is in me. I don't really need much. I might want a lot but I don't need any of it really. A meal or two a day, my bible, gas in my tank to do errands and go to work. I am so blessed to not have to pay rent. To have food to eat. And to have access to water FOR FREE. In some countries the things I have are rare and often never even obtained. So today I am blessed that I got 180 dollars :). I really am. GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME. And I know His plans for me are greater than the ones for myself.



HAVE AN AMAZING SATURDAY. I probably won't have time to do a post tomorrow since I'll be grooving and moving at Karlas wedding. Oh yeah. That is her name. KARLA. She is a beautiful sister of mine and I get to watch her become MRS. VINCENTE :). HEYYY.


♥ CHECHE ♥

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Spirited Rant

If Jesus is not the reason I'd love to stop believing.
I just see so much around me.
So many distractions and so much unappreciated BEAUTY.
 I cry out and my vocal chords give way.
I can not speak the desires perfectly of my ♥.
I am just rambling. I feel so much today. I feel so much SPIRIT within me that if I could at this moment in this public library I would jump into some sassy ballet stance and leap gracefully around the other students here allowing my voice and mind to be cut off and the HOLY SPIRIT to speak amplified through my heart...
I love my Savior.
He has changed my life and my perspective within the life he has given me.

I can see him in my day you guys! I can hear him and I occasionally respond immediately. The future with him flows out of my eyes. Because I know it is good. All good things come through him. He and the father are one. Through him we have access to the Father. The Father is well pleased with his Son. I don't know where that or any of this came from but I am inspired and I reckon God is my muse.

I was just sitting here abusing my internet privileges and watching an episode of Gossip Girl Season 4 Episode 1 and when I finished I just left for a second or something? I was out of my body and I was in my body and I was so in LOVE.

Is any of this making sense to anyone... Because I most certainly do not understand it...

Last night at church a man from Uganda came and spoke. He said many things and the spirit was alive and present in him. He spoke on being USED. GOD sees what we can not see in ourselves. What I can not see in myself. He sees the tools he has planted within me and He has a will and plan for those tools of mine. I want to go to Africa. I sat there watching the video of my native lands and I saw myself in one of the girls on screen. I saw myself in a few faces and my heart ached to serve and do something for my brothers and sisters in Africa.

When I first came to know the Lord last year I was immediately in need to leave America and be of service somewhere. I picked up our churchs missions book and saw that there are Calvary Chapels on literally every continent. I read through the missions book and looked at the prayer requests hoping God may show me where he wanted to lead me. This was well over 7 months ago? He didn't speak to me on where. I assumed Ireland for whatever reason.

No, I do believe my God spoke to me last night. He answered me. He told me my hearts desire, the desire that aligns with his will.

Just a little f.y.i...

I am not a missionary! I mean, I wear highheels when I ride my beach cruiser to school. I am in love with heels actually. I dream of lovely fabrics draping my body and expensive silks in my bedroom one day. I am a spoiled, Jesus loving., California girl who prays to have a heart and mind ONLY for my Lord. But that is where I am today.

Of course he has worked in me and changed so much about even these things I just touched on. But I see them and I hear the thoughts that I think and I know I am far from being able to get down and dirty in the slums of Africa. Whereever he has called me I know that only by the strength of God would I be there and be able to be of any type of service.

But that is EXACTLY what I am talking about. God will give me that strength, that courage and those words I need to say to do his will :). I don't need to look at just how far from PERFECT I am in light of this particular situation. I don't need to worry about HOW I will become the woman I believe I need to be in order to do Gods will. He will provide.

Just a quick update on my personal life. I got my car fixed basically for free because of the love God has for me and for his obedient servants who happened to take the shape of my mom and Grandmother. Please keep these women both in your prayers btw if the thoughts strikes! I then received the invitation to be on my Grandmonthers phone plan to help me save money just because I simply could not afford to have one anymore. God provided these things. I am so thankful for the family I have and the love they have for me but without God I would be carless and phoneless right now because my pride tells me I am unworthy of reaching out for help when I so desperately am a wreck.
However, I digress. The last two weeks I survived with no money. I was fed, I received free gas, I attended church, I attended an event I planned for the 18-25 year old bible study I attend when I had no gas at all. Long story short me and a brother in Christ planned NARNIA NIGHT (I had never seen Narnia and I had no idea just how much biblical symbolism was in that movie!) and the night before I was driving home from church and realized wow, I don't know how God is getting me to the movie night I planned or if he is. But I had peace about it.
I digress again.

GOD PROVIDES! He has taken these two weeks to show me just how much he cares and just how much he loves me and JUST HOW CLOSE HE IS TO ME EACH AND EVERY MOMENT OF EVERY DAY / HOUR/ MINUTE/ SECOND.  I was forced by my own irresponsible ways to see the GOD OF ETERNITY. He has not changed since he lead the Israelites out of slavery and he is no different than the GOd who revealed the Revelation of Jesus Christ to John on the island of Patmos. HE is my God who died for my sins so that I may have victory over them and come back to my Father. I am not to worry about the hows of my life.

SOME ARE:

• how will I ever attract a husband?
• how will I ever finish school?
• how will I ever get to Africa/Haiti?
• how will I ever pay off this or that?
• how will I ever live on my own...?
• how will I ever be a loving submissive wife?
• how will I ever help raise other human beings?
• how will I ever...

The list definitely goes on y'all. But you get my point.
God has a plan for me and you. He knows this plan and it is good. It will be carried out. However, the road there is what worries us. God has told me to just focus on his face and seek his face in all that I do and I will get there. He has told me that obedience and surrendering are required of me on this road. I need not worry only obey and surrender unto Him and the rest will be good.

Easier said than done I know but I have been obedient and surrendered and it was a struggle, but when I finally did I witnessed GOD show me his face and say "this is my daughter of whom I am proud for she seeks to please her Father." Oh dear God, amen.


Thank you for stopping by one of my spirited rants. I love you all and God bless you and keep you on this special day he has given us! Seek his face and he will guide your ways. For he is good and we can put all our trust in him.


talestai***



♥cheche



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just a picture of one of my favorite shirt dresses! I am in love with this shirt. Every time I wear it I feel the urge to take pictures and I feel so much more AFRICAN than American. If that makes any sense :)..

taking pictures while riding my bike from school= SO FUN :). pray it isn't illegal.. ha ha Goodnight ladies and gent!

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