Why have you made me like this? ♥

Romans 9:20 "But indeed, O man, who are you to reply against God? Will the thing formed say to him who formed it, "Why have you made me like this?"

I was praying about what to write to you lovely readers and fellow believers today. I know that I wanted to write but I hadn't opened my Bible yet and I had not asked God to reveal what He wanted to speak to and through me. I often forget who the GLORY is to be made of. I sometimes often look at my tasks, even the most trivial of such, and say "HOW CAN I _____?"

HOW CAN GOD? Is the real question that I can forget. Because God is the one who produces and the true POTTER of us clay, as Paul so eloquently mentions in Romans 9.

The scripture at hand has spoke to me in a few ways. The one that leaps off my mind onto this blog at the moment is "WHY HAVE YOU MADE ME LIKE THIS?" Now, I am a pretty normal human being. I can operate a motor vehicle, I can work a job, I have social awareness, I can laugh and understand most of the human language spoken in my country, I can eat on my own, I can hear, I can see with great vision, I have all of my teeth... I list all of these because I am constantly telling God WHY HAVE YOU MADE ME THIS WAY!??

I don't flat out ask Him but I question my clay-like nature. The body, the vessel that has been given to me. I can't stand it and at times I hate it. I struggled with an eating disorder that stemmed from just hating my body and the way that it looks. I look through all of your blogs and I see beautiful, confident, admirable women in all of you. Some of you even post pictures with models wearing the latest fashions. And I just often feel and think "if only God had given me that body, that vessel!!" It's quite disgusting this disease of always needing something else or something more. Where is my contentment in the things I listed previously?? Well. The answer is there is no contentment because as soon as I turn to God with a furrowed brow about my body I really, really see nothing else. 

I don't see my mobility. The two legs that are capable of so much He has given me. The head on my head with a functioning brain inside of it. The home I live in with two laptops that I have perfect access to. The friendships and sisterhood that has been instilled in my life by Him. The safety of living in the part of Southern California He has placed me in. I don't see GOD when I question who I am on the outside. I only see my flaws and the long list that accompanies it.

I know that I will never be a size 0,1,2,3,4... I know this. I know that I am of African descent and no matter what a pair of hips and a butt are in my future... I know this. I know, I know, I know... But why can I not find the contentment in this knowledge. Why can I not find the joy in Christ alone, despite what I look like. My image of beauty is laughable because it has been something that I am not. I look at the pale, slender, long women of the magazines I love and I think THAT IS BEAUTIFUL. But if THAT IS BEAUTIFUL then what is Chetreanna? You see the conundrum here?

at the bowling alley with some friends

I know that I am being a bit of a down but my point is or was supposed to be that Christ is our definition of beauty on this earth. There is nothing wrong with fashion and fashions standard of beauty but we must not forget who we are identified as in Christ alone. WE must not look away from the beauty that He clothes us in :). We must not forget the beautiful plans our Father has for us and how he knows every kinky, curly hair on my head and loves every little ripple in my derriere. In fact, God sees us naked and there is no shame. There is no shame in what He sees because like Adam and Eve standing in no shame in the garden that is how we stand before God on this earth as believers!! Such a blessing to serve a real, loving and compassionate God.

One of my beautiful sisters in Christ and Me ♥

These are the pieces of my heart that God is asking me to give to Him. Would you pray for me? Would you pray for this warped perception to be done away with and for the Christ-like beauty within to be made known and believed as TRUE BEAUTY! Pray for your non-fat friend who complains about her body, pray for your sister who can't seem to see how gorgeous she is when isn't complaining. Pray for the women of this generation like myself to understand that a number on the scale is non-existent in the things of eternity!

Being Free in our Savior is one that at times requires COMPLETE u-turns. And I pray to turn away from this thought process that denies who GOD is and who I am as the clay. I am blessed to share this with you all and I pray that Christ would be on your heart and mind today and He would whisper the sweet nothings He has for each one of us in your ear.  YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL ♥

praying with some brothers and sisters...♥

♥ Chetreanna ♥

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Tuesday Share ♥

I woke up this morning to get to my 745am meeting at work at 720 for some odd reason. My alarm was set for 7 and my morning was already pre-planned the night before yet I still found myself waking up with about 10 minutes exactly (maybe a few minutes less actually) to get my lazy butt to work. Thankfully God didn't allow that to be the theme of the day.
Work was done right. I actually hit 3:5 of my contributions or sales :). Which is a success on a slow day like today. Well, busy but tons of regulars who I have already sold products to. Anyways enough bank jargon.

I was extremely blessed for the most part of the day but my overeating has been a troublesome culprit in the midst of spiritual warfare. Satan is really trying to keep me in bondage to ANYTHING in this world that he can and I being so easily swayed and allowing him to have a bit of victory in that part of my life. The overeating is so random and really the word annoying sums it up. Today on my way home I really had a full on binge session with the devilishly, delicious HOT CHEETOS PUFF CORNS... You see they are 42 pieces a serving and a serving is 140calories and I allow that minor detail to be my reason for buying them. I mean I will only eat a serving anyways, right? No harm in that. Then I have the little flaming hot goodies all alone with me in the car and I have to drive from Ralphs to church and a 2 minute trip turns into the guilty illustration of me with red fingers and a full stomach, saying to myself the whole drive there THIS IS MY LAST BITE!!! But my last bite isn't a last bite in my head because I have forgotten to really feel and allow myself to be full. I know this, yet I cannot seem to put it into practice for a WHOLE day. I haven't had a whole day of eating Intuitively or NOT EATING WHEN I'M NOT HUNGRY in months probably. Maybe a few close calls but nothing memorable.
Yet, I can remember a couple of months of happiness with food. I would get full and have tons of leftovers to choose from in my fridge when I was hungry. I would get full and be satisfied with not eating anything more because food would always be there and I could come back to it when I was hungry. I would be full and the urge to eat for reasons other than being full would deplete.

Please if you feel the need lift up a prayer or two for your struggling sister. FOOD IS NOT THE PROBLEM. I AM. And the Lord, my sweet Jesus. He is capable of interceding on my behalf and He has already given me victory in this area I just can not seem to allow Him to reign. I know He can give it to me but for whatever reason I am stumbling and fumbling into His control in this area. I need Him to be enough for me and not to turn to FOOD when I have no need for it... Please, please pray!

I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME! :)

Love you all
be blessed and let me know
if I can pray for you!! Because
I want to and the Lord wants to
hear you cry out :)...

Hear is to healing and His grace. May we learn everyday to walk in it TRULY!

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