Why have you made me like this? ♥

Romans 9:20 "But indeed, O man, who are you to reply against God? Will the thing formed say to him who formed it, "Why have you made me like this?"

I was praying about what to write to you lovely readers and fellow believers today. I know that I wanted to write but I hadn't opened my Bible yet and I had not asked God to reveal what He wanted to speak to and through me. I often forget who the GLORY is to be made of. I sometimes often look at my tasks, even the most trivial of such, and say "HOW CAN I _____?"

HOW CAN GOD? Is the real question that I can forget. Because God is the one who produces and the true POTTER of us clay, as Paul so eloquently mentions in Romans 9.

The scripture at hand has spoke to me in a few ways. The one that leaps off my mind onto this blog at the moment is "WHY HAVE YOU MADE ME LIKE THIS?" Now, I am a pretty normal human being. I can operate a motor vehicle, I can work a job, I have social awareness, I can laugh and understand most of the human language spoken in my country, I can eat on my own, I can hear, I can see with great vision, I have all of my teeth... I list all of these because I am constantly telling God WHY HAVE YOU MADE ME THIS WAY!??

I don't flat out ask Him but I question my clay-like nature. The body, the vessel that has been given to me. I can't stand it and at times I hate it. I struggled with an eating disorder that stemmed from just hating my body and the way that it looks. I look through all of your blogs and I see beautiful, confident, admirable women in all of you. Some of you even post pictures with models wearing the latest fashions. And I just often feel and think "if only God had given me that body, that vessel!!" It's quite disgusting this disease of always needing something else or something more. Where is my contentment in the things I listed previously?? Well. The answer is there is no contentment because as soon as I turn to God with a furrowed brow about my body I really, really see nothing else. 

I don't see my mobility. The two legs that are capable of so much He has given me. The head on my head with a functioning brain inside of it. The home I live in with two laptops that I have perfect access to. The friendships and sisterhood that has been instilled in my life by Him. The safety of living in the part of Southern California He has placed me in. I don't see GOD when I question who I am on the outside. I only see my flaws and the long list that accompanies it.

I know that I will never be a size 0,1,2,3,4... I know this. I know that I am of African descent and no matter what a pair of hips and a butt are in my future... I know this. I know, I know, I know... But why can I not find the contentment in this knowledge. Why can I not find the joy in Christ alone, despite what I look like. My image of beauty is laughable because it has been something that I am not. I look at the pale, slender, long women of the magazines I love and I think THAT IS BEAUTIFUL. But if THAT IS BEAUTIFUL then what is Chetreanna? You see the conundrum here?

at the bowling alley with some friends

I know that I am being a bit of a down but my point is or was supposed to be that Christ is our definition of beauty on this earth. There is nothing wrong with fashion and fashions standard of beauty but we must not forget who we are identified as in Christ alone. WE must not look away from the beauty that He clothes us in :). We must not forget the beautiful plans our Father has for us and how he knows every kinky, curly hair on my head and loves every little ripple in my derriere. In fact, God sees us naked and there is no shame. There is no shame in what He sees because like Adam and Eve standing in no shame in the garden that is how we stand before God on this earth as believers!! Such a blessing to serve a real, loving and compassionate God.

One of my beautiful sisters in Christ and Me ♥

These are the pieces of my heart that God is asking me to give to Him. Would you pray for me? Would you pray for this warped perception to be done away with and for the Christ-like beauty within to be made known and believed as TRUE BEAUTY! Pray for your non-fat friend who complains about her body, pray for your sister who can't seem to see how gorgeous she is when isn't complaining. Pray for the women of this generation like myself to understand that a number on the scale is non-existent in the things of eternity!

Being Free in our Savior is one that at times requires COMPLETE u-turns. And I pray to turn away from this thought process that denies who GOD is and who I am as the clay. I am blessed to share this with you all and I pray that Christ would be on your heart and mind today and He would whisper the sweet nothings He has for each one of us in your ear.  YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL ♥

praying with some brothers and sisters...♥

♥ Chetreanna ♥

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We are in the Seed ♥

Romans 9:6 "But it is not that the word of God has taken no effect. For they are not all Israel who are of Israel," 7 "nor are they all children because they are the seed of Abraham; but, In Isaac your seed shall be called."

 These verses echo Jesus throughout the gospels. He speaks of how many will call his name, claiming they cast out demons even in his name, but God will say to them "turn from me you workers of iniquity. I never knew you." (Excuse me if I butchered that verse). 

Also in John 8:39 "[...] If you were Abraham's children, you would do the works of Abraham." 40 " BUT now you seek to kill Me, a Man who has told you the truth which I heard from God. Abraham did not do this."

Christ was constantly speaking of the phonies and the fakes within the body. He was always calling us out in our hypocrisy. In Romans 9:6-7 I am reminded that it is in the SEED that we are even called. The seed of Isaac whom Jesus eventually came. The promise is available but not all who want it will receive it. Not all will be called of the seed in that hour of judgment. I find myself wanting to take inventory. I desire to be without falsehood so that I may have that complete assurance in my faith because at times I wonder how can a woman like me be used at all? I know that God loves me but I am brought once again to the thought of how much do I love the Lord. He has done great things for me and through me. He has changed me in ways that are supernatural and not of this worlds technique or standards. Yet, I stumble at times and I look at the pavement. perhaps. a bit too long when I hit it. I sometimes wonder how can He continually love someone who questions their capabilities in an ALL CAPABLE GOD?

I am human I suppose. I love my King but I know who I am. Isn't that such a predicament. To see what you have and still be you. I pray I am not being a Debbie downer about this all I'm just so exhausted of it all. Faith is something that I have through the privilege of having encountered the Truth. But it isn't something that we as Christians and Believers in Christ should use to be stagnant or worst, to write off the sins we continually commit, saying "Oh... God knows my heart and He won't turn me away because I have FAITH in Him." Its the activity of growing in Faith not SITTING on Faith that gives us assurance isn't it??

Well I am really loving my devotions through the book of Romans. What are some of your favorite Books in the Bible? What are some of your favorite verses of scripture? What is GOD revealing about Himself in your walk with Him?

I have such a beautiful creator. I really do. 

Thank you for stopping by!

♥ Chetreanna ♥

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