There truly is no better feeling than being early to the first day of class and hearing or reading the words "CLASS IS CANCELED". I really don't care how studious or absorbed in your academics you are. A day off should always be perceived through the eyes of joy by all students alike in my opinion. Today I was hyped on attending Theater Appreciation since I am a Theater major. But still, even the urge to attend a class you really, really want to take more for pleasure than for the units is worth it when you think of the freedom you have been given by that class being canceled for the night. A 7-950 class will make you appreciate the days of cancellations I suppose. Anyways, I am now free to go attend a New Believers study some of my good Sisters/Friends help out with at my church. This study is a 14 week study that my Calvary Chapel Costa Mesa church has going year-round for new believers, people returning to Christ, or just anyone who needs to go over the basics of Christian Faith! In my opinion, not that anyone asked, this course is rewarding the even the most seasoned believer of Christ because remembering and reflecting who our God is in his foundational truths is something that never gets old! I passed the class (or I guess the more appropriate term would be FINISHED) a few months back in I believe February or March of 2010. I loved it, I loved my group leaders and I love God because of it. I am so blessed to have a church that really never closes. You can find bible studies, elderly prayers, prayer meetings or any type of fellowship happening on our grounds literally Monday-Sunday. I think we who take advantage are blessed because we have the ability to go get plugged in and fed anytime of the week. How fortunate are we? I just think of the martyrs that are all across the globe. Dieing the most honorable death there is all in the name of Christ. We are lucky the most we get out here in Southern California are snickers, laughs and sometimes foul language thrown our way but most of us have never suffered persecution the way our brothers and sisters in China, Russia and the Middle East do. If the thought strikes pray for those unnamed men and women out there in the fields harvesting for the Lord in some of the most dangerous of places for a Christian. Pray for Gods hand to be on them and for a hedge of protection around them and their families.
I love that I have a small and quiet campus. My girlfriend that attends Orange Coast Community College was on my campus the other day and told me she felt sorry for me. I laughed when she typed it. We are all drawn to different things as students. I am a natural socialite I have learned. So no matter how small or big I will always have a wonderful time socializing with the company I am provided. Thankfully this campus isn't too huge and there aren't really any cliques so I am not tempted to get caught up in the social scene and stray from classes or school which is also a natural talent of mine. There are pros and cons to everything right?
I love that our classes are small (45 is usually the largest) and that I always have access to my teachers in a way larger community colleges and colleges in general may not. I love that I can park anywhere and not feel like I am going to be late to my next class because of that choice. I love that my campus feels low maintenance and for the most part it is treated as a stepping stone for students who attend. Almost everyone I drill, and question in the nosy way I tend to do, immediately responds with the school they plan to transfer to and the classes they need to get there. Being around more driven people tends to motivate the easily swayed to push that much harder at what they want.
In high school I became a professional slacker. I was an amateur slacker in middle school. After my parents were divorced during my 4th grade year I no longer had anyone in my life to keep me accountable for school work. My mother needed to provide for four children and work as well as much needed healing from the pain of divorce consumed her time. My father was the education enforcer and I know now his attentions were truly for our best interest. Because of his healthy push in that area of my life I finished elementary school with 2 requests to be skipped a grade, consecutive years from 1st-6th grade on the principles Honors List and president of my 6th grade class. I had a routine. Go home, study and do homework and play with my siblings or watch t.v. Not that I am proud of it (well, maybe just a tad bit ) I actually made a lot of money from 4-6th grade doing homework for classmates and friends. 5 dollars a page was the price. Front and back were separate pages. Math and essays were included as well as social studies work and history. It all came so natural to me. I never really struggled in my studies or with learning. As long as there was an instructor teaching me I easily picked up the curriculum. I truly felt I could be anything I wanted to be, that I was invincible and incredibly smart. I didn't understand education is something we are responsible of. It is something that we must nurture and continually feed or we can easily get off track...
The summer before seventh grade our new neighbors Trina, Samantha and Troy moved next door. And with that I began to see just how FUN life could be. I could study later right? I became an official woman that summer, started to really fill out as a young woman and desperately wanted to feel like I belonged somewhere since I didn't feel that way about my home. I never felt at home at my house so when I immediately took to Trina and Sam I began to spend time with them. As soon as I had spare time I would venture outside to hang out and kick it with them and the boys whom were mainly my brothers friends. I hated being home because there was so much baggage that weighed it down. So many things that were never healed and a few pink elephants that were constantly roaming the halls. So I'd stay at my friends houses until the appropriate hour to leave came. Even then I would stay in the front yard with everyone until my mother said come inside. This was to become a pattern in my life until I graduated from High school. I would become "adopted" by various parents of friends throughout my life simply because I was always around the family. I loved going to other friends homes and witnessing the very different dynamics that took place within them. Having two parents, brothers and sisters whom shared openly their feelings, open displays of affection, warmth and love... I would lecture friends with love on why they should obey their parents rules, or how they should apologize for something they said, or how lucky they were. Which they were, but I was extremely blessed as well, I just could not see it. It is always easier to see the blessings in others lives when we are too hopeless to see the blessings within our own lives.
I would tell my girlfriends how their mothers felt and what they were going through hypothetically in the hopes of my friends appreciating the homes they had. I had my home taken away after my parents were divorced. I never really liked that home because of the memories there but the space was very missed when we moved into my first ever apartment. Leaving my friends behind hurt for a moment but I immediately ventured outside to find new friends. And I did before 8th grade had even began. Like the bold woman I can be at times I found them the first day of 8th grade ditched the nice girl Shannon whose mother had asked her to show me around "the new girl". I bee lined towards the biggest and loudest group whom many of the summertime friends I had made were apart of. I fit easily or at least I put up such a good front people felt obligated to like me.
Socializing was probably the only reason I even made it through 8th grade and Highschool. Without any friends to see I would have ditched everyday and never attended my classes. I barely attended while being on campus which still makes no sense to me. I was either rebelling from my fathers focus on education or I truly gave up on who I could become in those years. I was believing the lies of Satan though that is for sure. Aside from extreme depression throughout all of this I really wanted to just die. Life really sucked and I didn't know why I was waking up everyday. The whole time GOD had his hand on me and protected me from myself and the world I was surrounding myself with. Senior year I started using marijuana as a self diagnosis to depression (*yeah right...*) and finally felt like I had conquered that darkness. A year and a half later I was friendless and begging God to show himself to me.
I don't know why I got the urge to spill my earliest memories of school and life with you all. That wasn't the goal when I set out to write tonight. I guess I am just learning just how big of an impact the little things of our childhood and history have the power to shape us and mold us. Characteristics I didn't have before are now so deeply apart of me that I get frustrated over them. Like wanting to run away when things get tough, shutting down completely when I am feeling anything other than happiness. Wanting to rescue every young woman who has been sexually abused and tell her how beautiful she is and how the power of Christ can change her life and give her hope. Oh, these things weigh heavy on my heart. However, I refuse to let them weigh me down. I pray over these things, for God to show me the purpose he has in them and for others to be removed completely.
My God is an awesome and mighty God. I am so hopeful knowing who he is and that I am on his team :).
Have an amazing and blessed night y'all.
♥cheche
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