While the world is sleeping I am just getting home from service, church and dinner with a sister and completing night 11 of my circuit. I know it is extremely late and exercise is not something that one should do before bed but I feel so much more energetic and just overall content when I exercise and then wake up and start my day! After getting rid of my gym membership a few months ago (and deciding that Jesus loved me enough to give me a body that is not handicapped) I realized that the gym was not doing anything but taking a much needed thirty dollars from my account every month. Part of the split from the gym had a lot to do with how much food and exercise were tied into a previous relationship of mine. I think I wanted to just rebel against everything that THAT particular relationship had began to manifest itself as. 

So I ate donuts for a month in a half straight, wore the same sweats for a month straight, cried uncontrollably and at random moments and actually had moments where I felt sorry for even having emotions so that I could just continue on living my amazingly BLESSED life. 

So I made the split and it felt good to not have it for SEVEN whole months. I actually felt free and liberated. The illusion of my worth which I had began to accept as reality was so wrapped up in that darn GYM and EATING "good" and blah blah blah... We really don't need to get so into that :). Anyways the point is I am finally beginning to find out why CHE enjoys exercising and how I feel good taking care of me FOR ME. Rather than taking care of myself so that I may be appealing to someone else...Hopefully that made sense to someone out there. 

There has been a reoccurring theme in my life recently as well. God has provided me with this inward reflection and it is about my heart and prayer. I have a heart that desires my Lord so much but I really need to be praying MORE and with much more URGENCY. In the beginning of my walk with Jesus I can remember praying for hours sometimes just ignoring time and space and pouring out my heart. I can remember that desperation for his voice so deeply within that I could not even voice my desires I could only groan and cry out for him. It was the most amazing and scariest place to be because I was truly SOLD OUT for Christ in my prayer life. 

Lately prayers haven't had that effect. I know this makes me no less of a Christian woman but it certainly is something I think I should take a look at in regards to where I am now. I am really encouraged by this to start "spicing" up my prayer life. Maybe even focusing on something each day to pray about without ceasing and keep on the front of my mind for that day? Just as a reminder of what we are called to do as Christians. PRAY! Pray for one another and pray for those around us and our government and our nation, whomever and wherever that may be. I just realize that seasons come and go with God. Some seem dry and some are extremely ABUNDANT. However we may perceive it WE are the ones who are changing NOT JESUS. He is the same as yesterday, today and tomorrow! Our Eternal God. The firstborn of the dead :). These seasons are about CHOICES. They're about us choosing to keep after Christ, and if that means changing our devotional life up, using new prayer techniques or attending a new study or ministry at our church so be it. AMEN I just really want to always be moving FORWARD in this relationship, this true love I have. What a gift we have chosen to receive as his children grace and mercy... Our sanctification does not end until we are called out of this world! Accepting Christ is only the beginning so get up and start walking :)!!!

I am so in LOVE. I cannot imagine the Love I will share with my husband someday but I am praying it gives me everything I need to keep seeking my FIRST LOVE Jesus Christ and to not lose heart. There is a spiritual battle brewing for our souls you guys. We must be on guard and in the word and protecting ourselves because we are human and easily strayed!

Have a blessed day and Sunday and may Jesus reach out and touch each and everyone of your hearts on this day! In Jesus name.. LET IT BE TRUE amen :)

♥CheChe

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Happy Birthday to Me :)

I had a dream last night! The Christian Club I am apart of at school was the only MAIN thing I remember. I found out they were all MORMON and it was too late to leave the club for some reason and I woke up extremely confused and scared. The organization that is running this Christian Club is BIBLESFORAMERICA. I have googled them and everything really seems to check out. They have this RECOVERY NEW TESTAMENT bible that some of them read but other than that I really don't know anything to think they are into something that is not biblical and not contradicting to Jesus and The Bible. Sorry I am so paranoid and cautious. We are supposed to be unified in the Body of Christ but I always meet these odd groups of believers who just don't sit right in my spirit. Right now I am focusing on just using DISCERNMENT and not jumping to JUDGMENT like I always have done in the past.

I'm learning discernment requires a lot more patience than Judgment does.

Saturday Night service was amazing last night. I just felt so apart of the service and I was able to meet a girl Rachel who was really struggling and really just needed to talk. When we aren't in the relationships God has called us to I don't think we will ever find PEACE ladies. Just a little lesson learned now passing it down. LoL I also really enjoyed looking at Mark 14:42-65?. Jesus often calls us to watch and or pray. These are the times where we can see God is calling us to just be patient and wait upon him. However, HE does not want us to rest with closed eyes (as in Mark in the garden before he is put on trial) because he is preparing us for something. If we enter into this new season without having been watchful and praying that can make the difference of cutting off an ear (peter) or fleeing from Jesus when the enemy strikes. Thankfully God is with us no matter what! So we know we will always have victory but the road for the disciples may have been extremely different had they been in prayer and watchful. Nonetheless we are able to learn from THEIR mistakes and be blessed by the wisdom found when we open up the WORD OF GOD. amen to that!--

love you all *written 9/19/10

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TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY! I am officially 21 years old. This is a day I used to dream about when I was younger.. I thought life was amazing once you were 18 because you got to be considered an adult and 21 was when you would have the opportunity to be married or go to college or drive your car to get food (this was my 5th grade mentality). It also meant that you were somewhat different completely from the 9 year old child who dreamed of being 21. This I have found is true and false in soooo many ways.

As a 21 year old I am still dreaming. I dream of my future. I dream of the man GOD has destined me to marry. I dream of the day when I will be united with THE FATHER in his heavenly Kingdom. I dream of the day his Kingdom begins to reign on earth! I dream of the day sin is something of the past and long forgotten and the devil is damned and living in his rightful place in the ABYSS. I dream of my career and who I will be? I dream of finishing school. I dream of where I will live permanently. I dream of the day I move out of my Mothers home and begin my own journey outside of the nest. I dream of all sorts of things. I have not stopped dreaming and I pray that GOD allows me to keep my hopes and spirits alive until my last breath. The day we cease to dream is the day we cease to grow!

• Many things have changed as well. I am now a Woman of GOd, A servant of Christ, A believer, A follower, A Christian, an AWARE sinner. 
• I have had my first and only Boyfriend
• I have broken up with someone
• I have felt the pain of ending a relationship
• I have healed from that pain
• I have surrendered things to CHRIST I never thought were possible
• I have struggled with an eating disorder
• I have filled up 4 journals
• I have prayed publicly!?
• I have prayed for people I never thought I could
• I have had a photo shoot
• I began a blog! 
• I have bought my first car
• I have had my first car problem :(
• I have watched prayers be answered
• I have witnessed Miracles.
• I have learned to play Racquetball
• I have had a job for 2 years in December :) 

Being on the other side somehow feels the same. The excitement I had as a child has slowly dissipated over the years I guess. I have found that every season leaves something behind for the soul. A piece that only me and God can see left within me. I am overjoyed with the many years I have ahead, Lord willing. I wake up thankful for another day of Life given to me by the Lord. I never had this excitement as a child! There were nights I pleaded for the death I could not carry out. There were nights I prayed to not exist, to have never been born. Days full of pain, fear and self-loathing. I have been given a new heart, a new mind and a new life by my Lord Jesus Christ. This is the best gift I could ever receive and it truly is the gift that keeps on giving.

God has blessed me with some amazing friendships, reconnected me with Family and given my heart a growing passion for life. The things I once hoped for as a 9year old child have since been removed and replaced with his desires and hope. Am I ever glad for that! Here is to the next 9 years full of seasons and refinement. May the lord bless you all!!

Lord I thank you for all that you have and will do in my life. I thank you for your continuous and infinite LOVE. I thank you for breathing LIFE into me. I thank you for BELIEVING in me when I could not on my own. I thank you for blessing my life with your awesome guidance and wisdom and for keeping me close. Lord I pray to follow you and obey you precepts until the day that I day. I pray to put you first before all other life Lord Jesus. I pray to become more like you and less like me with each passing minute,hour and day. Lord align my will with yours. Grow me and Stretch me into your image Lord. Thank you so much for loving me and teaching me to love. You are my greatest love! In Jesus Name I pray this Prayer. Amen

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