SO... I'm in need of LOTS of prayer.
I woke up today and got into the word (FAITHFULLY). Because THE LORD knows I wanted to just jump straight on the computer and get on FACEBOOK. lol.
While I was praying before reading I really just felt the spirit tell me straight up to NOT GO to school. I know this sounds a bit odd but I really LOVE going to school. I pride myself on being able to get an education even if it does come from a GODLESS faculty. I may not enjoy homework but the act of LEARNING and STUDYING and growing mentally is really something I believe is quite powerful in this world. It's something that everyone deserves and in some parts of the world EDUCATION could set many of the oppressed free, if they had access that is.
Yet, here I am feeling lead to not go to college this semester. Which I have already enrolled in and signed up for and everything. I just don't know what to do, and I'm seriously not sure if I'm hearing correctly because it doesn't make any sense to me.
I've shared with you all that I have been praying over bible college for over a year now and I had it put on my heart but I didn't really know what to do about it because I'm in college already and I preferred the idea of getting my B.A or at least completing transferable units and then taking time off to pursue BIBLE COLLEGE. I feel stupid for even typing this because WHEN DOES FOLLOWING GOD ever make sense to us? I'm fighting this so much you guys. I'm on the verge of tears because I can't let go and just surrender to his will for me. Because it MAKES NO SENSE!!!
The School I'm looking at is Calvary Chapels Bible college in Marietta/Murietta. It's about an hour away which isn't a bus ride away if you get my drift. They start school the same day I do and I haven't registered nor do I know how I would be able to enroll financially. Its about 2 grand a semester afterall.
Ugh. BLEH!
So, I'm fasting today until I KNOW. Until Jesus makes his ways for me clear I am fasting. I struggled with eating issues in the past but I really feel no other option at this point but to take in nothing but him and water and wait upon him. You guys I'm so scared. I want to be a college graduate. That has been a goal of mine since I can remember. I feel so utterly lost right now and it is all my doing because God isn't lost and he knows exactly what plans he has for me and I will carry them out whether I kick and scream or not.
God, I do love you. And i do believe in you. I know your ways for me are pure and holy and perfect. But I need your strength in me Father. The strength that rose Jesus from the grave. I need to believe.. I need to Believe that you will deliver me safely. That you will protect me and you will not lead me anywhere I am not mean to be. God I just don't know what to do exactly. I know what you want of me but I don't know what to do? What about my job, my car payments. I decided to do a tour of the school with my good friend you've placed in my life Becky. But other than that LORD I still burn with the lack of peace that comes from not knowing. Oh god, take care of me. Deliver me to your arms lord. I love you so much Father.
♥ Amen 
