"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me."
Psalm 51:10
Am I the only one who loves when they see a scripture in the midst of just downright despair?
Of course, this despair comes none other than from looking at myself. Which is something that no matter how many times I tell myself only leads to resentments, depression and bouts of mind wrestling I STILL seem to fall victim to.
I'm not looking for pity. This blog was originally started to let it all out. Raw, unfiltered, sick, little thoughts.
RIGHT NOW THIS VERSE IS ONE THAT SPEAKS MY FEELINGS PERFECTLY!!
Ugh. Okay, Maybe I'm being a brat. I don't want to weigh you all down but it has just been a hard day. And I am just struggling with trying to NOT struggle... you know?
I don't understand what people do to keep sane when they are completely out of control.
I ate so much today. I spent so much on food in the process. And I just didn't make the best choices physically which upsets me spiritually and emotionally somehow.
The days where I am completely comfortable in my own skin without having to force myself to love the body I am in are something I desperately look forward to.
God please create in me a CLEAN heart and RENEW a right spirit within me so that I can just... Not have something higher than you in my life. I realize that me always looking at my body and my flaws is just me giving power to the craziness. I've created an idol out of myself in a way Father and I am so sorry but I don't know how to shake it. Please Lord, Please help me.
While everyone is writing about how much they love their mothers and about mothers day I am crying out to the Lord via the internet about who other than... MYSELF.
Ugh. Sorry ladies.
I'll be back up and running in no time. Just had to let it out.
♥Chetreanna
