Do Not Read...

Unless you want to be highly disappointed and upset with me...

So... As if I don't get personal enough. HERE WE GO :).

I am realizing a lot these days.
I almost want to cry thinking about it.

I suck at being a GODLY WOMAN. I truly do.

I look to HIM and then as soon as temptation rears it's head I retreat to the flesh.

I have recently taken some stuff that doesn't belong to me.

I was given a crumb, I guess you can say and decided to eat a few cookies.

That is putting it blog friendly.

And also because PRIDE is keeping me from being the raw woman I was created to be.
I know that GOD FORGIVES but I can't seem to grasp how I live in that forgiveness.

How I repent and sin no more in certain areas of my life.

As soon as I feel I have allowed CHRIST to reign supreme the veil comes crashing down.

I write this blog to inspire, encourage, release and be real in my faith.

But these last few days have been a struggle. One that I am ashamed to admit to you right now.

My past is buried and dead and I am a new creation born in CHRIST.

RIGHT?

Then why did I do what I did.

And why didn't that FORGIVENESS satisfy as it has numerous times before.

I cut off a relationship full of sexual sin for my God by the strength of GOD.

I haven't thrown up in over 2 years by the same spirit!

I don't cuss anymore... I don't know why but I was quite the naughty sailor and now I sometimes wonder if it would even feel natural if I tried...

Yet... I could do something so dumb. So freaking...ahhh... oajfdijaoidjowjraoejawj;r

Whew.

You guys are great. And you deserve someone honest. 

Someone who doesn't steal. Someone who has not tried to take her life into her own hands after giving it to Christ.

I really want to just tell you all to stop following me. So I can physically see the manifestation of the consequences of my sin.

But to be quite honest, the fact that GOD has seen it and still thought it was perfectly fit to die on the cross for me because HE LOVES ME is by far the worst consequence.

oh God.

Have mercy on me.

I don't know what is going on.

But I don't ever want to lose you.

You stay the same but GOD I have changed.

Please CREATE A NEW HEART IN ME.

I need you Lord.

Thanks for reading and I seriously apologize for being such a fool.

God has great plans for me I just wish I could let them happen and stop being such a control freak.

♥cheche