As you all I am a woman. You also know that I am in my twenties (*maybe you didn't...). I have a job and I love the color pink. I am devoted to seeking Christ despite the outlook and I have been given victory in overcoming an eating disorder that very well could have taken my life. I struggled with depression and self-worth was at the root of it because I had no worth.
Growing up I didn't see many black women in the media. I remember watching television as a child and an interview with the then young and fresh TYRA BANKS came on. I don't know what they discussed but she was beautiful. She looked kinda like me (she was brown...) and she was respected and loved and everyone seemed to like her. I didn't grow up understanding that black was beautiful. Tyra Banks became a bit of an idol after that. I wanted to read everything about her and I felt proud of her. Even as a elementary school student I could see that she was special and different.
Fast forward to high school and I wasn't really a big fan of Tyra Banks but I had began to recognize that here in Orange County being black was something new to people. I remember hearing a then close guy friend say he could never date a black woman. "I couldn't handle it.. Black women can be so mean... Black women are this...and that".
People always seemed to expect something from me. Yes, I am funny. No. It doesn't have to do with my skin color. In that case why is Jim Carey hilarious? Because he is white. No. See?
I always had expectations from first encounters. People expected me not to take anything from anyone. So... I didn't. People expected me to be loud and whenever I was it was because I was black. Jokes were made out of ignorance and because I didn't know any better I really didn't stand up for myself. I was made fun of at the expense of my race. I never hated the race I was born into. In fact, I loved it. I love the color of my skin. The need to tan has never crossed my mind. But I never felt comfortable being black. I always felt like I wasn't the right black or that my black wasn't good enough.
Being an African-American I even experienced this within my own ethnicity in school. Girls from different areas or backgrounds would hold each other up to standards. "What? You can't do this dance? What...You don't know what this means...?" NOBODY EVER WANTED TO BE CALLED WHITEWASHED. It was the ultimate slap in the face. But I never understood that one either because I loved my white friends and my Mexican and Asian friends. What was so bad about them? Why was that word such a bad word in our community? It really angered and hurt me. But that was reality...
I was just so confused. I didn't know who I was allowed to be so I was everything that everyone wanted me to be. I was EXTRA "BLACK" when expected, calm and quiet when appreciated, LOUD and MEAN when provoked. I was never just "Chetreanna".
I was looking at the sites that I have joined such as WEHEARTIT and BLOGSPOT and TUMBLER and PINTEREST... I was looking at the fashion that both myself and my peers love. I didn't really find too much color and it kind of struck a cord. I believe all women are created beautiful no matter the ethnicity and I love the uniqueness that comes from not looking the same. But it hurts to know that the generation being born today still is getting a bad hand. The diversity within the media and fashion world is just ridiculous. WE shouldn't have to pick up magazines designated and devoted to giving exposure to black, mexican, asian models. We are women!!! There is no race or color in that world. WE ARE BEAUTIFUL... There is no root to a specific type when that word is written, yet society is desperately doing exactly that.
Thin, pale, black, yellow, white, pink, curvy, skinny, tall, short, green-eyed, brown-eyed... There is so much that we are saying to the young women of this world in these ads. I just hate it. I truly hate that some girls don't understand that they are BEAUTIFUL despite the images portrayed as beautiful that exist in the world today.
I can go on and on. I am not against the skinny, the curvy, the white, the Mexican I am just so sick of not being able to see diversity in it all. I am sick of the black communities holding each other up to expectations of what truly validates them as an African-American woman or man. I am sick of the racist and bigoted exceptions we have in America. I am just sick and tired you guys.
I don't know if this rambling made any sense but coming from Orange County this was something that I had to deal with on my own for so long.
Thankfully Christ makes things new and He has really shown me that my skin color does not dictate the way I dress, talk or carry myself at all. MY culture may affect that but my skin color does not make CHETREANNA the woman she is. God does. He is the author and He is the architect and when He made me and every other beautiful woman on this planet He was pleased.
What if?
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| beautiful picture but nasty ciggy |
All I see is just another shade of beauty. Every shade is just as important as the other...
♥ Chetreanna
