This turned out to be an amazing day. I woke up and got into the word (not immediately). I'm pretty sure I took the time to brush my teeth, clean and inspect them then put on my over sized towel that goes to my knees and sit down and read out of John 7. I was quite excited and prayed sort of in a rush before opening up his scriptures. I asked for FORGIVENESS because I'm just not there yet with a lot of things in life. Money and I tend to end up in compromising situations. I have issues with spending ONLY what I need to and what has been allotted to me and it tears me up mentally because I know that I am not in the lords will when doing those things.
After studying I made some delicious wheat and flax pancakes. Honestly I made six and although they were fairly thin I still ate all of them!
(this actually ended up being my only major meal of the day sadly because when I went to coffee with LENA:
iced tea lemonade
then after church 2 cookies
then yogurt land and
then a bowl of oatmeal at home)
The pancakes were delicious with my AGAVE NECTAR and so very warm. However, I substituted coconut oil for SUNFLOWER OIL this time and the sunflower oil just gave them a bit of a different after taste. I need more coconut oil :(. It just isn't the same without coconut oil in the cabinets.
I then preceded to watch ENCHANTED while I waited to see if I would be getting a ride to church or not. I was going to ride my bike for a little but I ended up deciding against it since I have no lock and therefore no secure way of leaving my bike somewhere and walking around. But ENCHANTED was really nice while I waited on my couch comfortably. I find myself really happy to have Disney movies and the few "clean" films that my family owns in my house these days. I really can't stand the movies that once brought me to tears laughing or have complete foul, and inappropriate dialogue and story lines. These films actually upset me and I get an irritating headache. The LORD is so powerful in how he changes us that our bodies literally react to things differently.
I have this hardcore romantic and happy film obsession. It has been ongoing for about 2 years now and I only see it growing. While I did enjoy ATONEMENT a lot I was sad that the love scene had to be so drastic and that directors seem to feel a film can't get the message of passion or love across without a SEX SCENE. At least, her clothes were on but still the thoughts and images are enough to cause sinful thoughts and actions to someone weak in those areas. This I think is what bothers me the most because I'm a movie buff and even study theater but I am constantly having to turn down films or leave movies because they can't just keep it Classy AND CLEAN!
Well, enough about that. I guess that was a topic that I really haven't been able to release from my mind because I was ready to write two more paragraphs on the topic.
I have a confession. I LOVE BLOGGING! but I don't know what to write about some nights and me being the perfectionist that I am I feel if I don't have anything that sounds amazing to me to write about then why even bother wasting anyone else time? ARE THERE ANY OTHER BLOGGER'S OUT THERE WHO STRUGGLE WITH THIS AS WELL? I'D REALLY LOVE SOME ADVICE ON HOW TO FEEL OR GET INSPIRED :)!
So, I try to keep my ex off limits when I write because I'm paranoid that he will not only read this but think that whatever I am writing is very not right on my part and I just don't want anyone to be talked about behind their backs from MY end. I just feel convicted when I give into it and I know how it feels to have others talking about you behind your back and it isn't a gratifying experience.
But nonetheless as a woman I am going to need to vent about my ex or future boyfriend or husband somehow and I don't see how that can be seen as "BAD" unless I'm slandering them or something right? I don't know but here I go anyways..
When my car broke down, now, two days ago I wasn't really nervous or panicky. I was disappointed about missing the Sunday service though :(. But i realized one of my most reliable "friends" is him. And in the past he was always someone that at least sounded concerned about what ever difficulties I was facing (for the most part at least). He had even used his triple AAA service to help me with a flat before which really meant a lot. So eventually I thought to get in contact with him after I called my sister then called the police out of lack of options. the thing was I realized that I had text him the night before seeing how he was after a week of not talking to him at all and the last time I had car problems I had called him and felt kind of like I was being taught a lesson for seeking him you know?
I KNOW I SOUND CRAZY RIGHT? I'm not trying to say that my ex is why my car is not working. I think my fuel pump is the reason my car is not working. hahahhahaha Anyways, GOD IS ENOUGH and he can't be enough until I let him be enough. I think I need to just let my ex go (which i believe I have sine then) But also let him go from my list of needs. I don't need him. I may want his comfort but that is just me being selfish and seeking temporary happiness. I am a woman and I was designed to love men but I also was created to serve and worship the LIVING GOD and that is something I cannot slip away from/
Anyways it turns out my ex was of no help and actually didn't make the effort to really get back in touch with me after saying the infamous "I'll call you right back line" that is the theme of our relationship lol. I mean call me easily agitated but if my friend was stuck in the middle of the street somewhere needing assistance I'd probably call them back like I said I would? And then he did the whole "are you mad at me. I suck" bit and I was just thinking dude I"M STUCK IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET CAN WE PUT YOU ASIDE FOR A SECOND. ahahha see now i am done writing about my ex sorry for that.
Well, I'm tired and have touched on every topic I think I could at this hour. I love you all and anyone who is reading thanks! it really means a lot
