Finally...

A day off tomorrow.
Thank you Jesus for that because I am desperately on the verge of going insane.
My feet hurt...
But they don't stop hurting like they used to.
I just wake up and they hurt and hurt more throughout the day.
One of my jobs is also driving me insane.
I really feel unappreciated and just disrespected to be quite honest.
God had to remind me of what He did on the cross for me.
And then I remembered that in this life we will be hurt and we will suffer and people will treat us differently.
Truthfully, I'm not being persecuted and the way I am being treated has absolutely nothing to do with my FAITH and everything to do with ME, MYSELF and I.

The cross.
This is where my eyes need to stay otherwise Che is throwing a self-pity party and ready to yell or snap or tell off anyone within reach.
The cross.
This is where my life is layed down.
Surrendered.
My soul is redeemed, purchased and made new.
My heart is broken here and filled with Christ.
His Spirit works in me best when I am looking to HE did on the cross.
Because it is then and ONLY then that I am completely unaware of who I am and the world around me.
When my eyes are on his hanging body.
Beaten, bruised and pierced in my NAME.
For the sake of LOVE.
I am fully aware of CHRIST and HIS OVERWHELMING AND ABUNDANT LOVE FOR ME AND THIS WORLD.

Then it happens.
My tears are wiped.
My gaze looks up and I turn my head wondering if all have not fallen on their knees in awe.
AND I REALIZE JUST HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE WANDERED AWAY.
ARE HAPPY HE DIED.
COULD CARE LESS.
DON'T BELIEVE HE DIED FOR THEM...
And I get angry with the world.
I get angry with what others are doing and how much they DON'T LOVE MY SAVIOR.
And I start living in that anger and self-righteousness.
I act in anger.
I wake up in anger.
I work in anger.

But it is the LOVE of Christ that wishes to operate fully in me.
It is HIS love for me and this world that wishes to wake me and work in me.
NOT ANGER.
NOT SELF-RIGHTEOUSNESS.


I love you guys.
I love this blog and how raw and real I can be without my stutter and awkward personality interrupting my thoughts.
Such a blessing.

I know that I may seem to really beat myself up but I don't really believe in editing my thoughts when they're flowing right from my head to this page.
Everything I type I just have to type and release.
Because this is one of the few places I can say it and not get crazy feedback.
Or weird looks and stares.
Maybe some of you know what I mean...
 :)

thanks for reading loves!
May God keep you and draw you in deeper into love and faith with HIM.

ALL OF MY HOPE IS IN YOU GOD...

♥CheChe