Reflections of the heart

Showing posts with label sad. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sad. Show all posts

September 17, 2010

Have you ever just wanted to run away?
I have and most certainly do.
I suppose I will not physically run away, although it sounds quite comforting to think about it.
Maybe I will just run away Mentally.
Or maybe I should seek God and read the Bible before I check out?

I am having a bad couple of months financially. I am having a bad day today. I really, really am disappointed in myself. I pray for this perfectionism mentality to leave but it is there whether I manifest it on my own or not. I just can't see how one would not feel low, ashamed, embarrassed and irresponsible in this situation.

I got my check and it went straight to the cash advance I took out last paycheck. Perfectly fine. I intended to take out another direct deposit advance to take care of the car issue which, at least to my knowledge beforehand, was resolved. WRONG. I have actually used all of the advances, I am allotted, up until October 7, 2010.

I know this is just money issues and it really isn't something I should allow to effect me so greatly. I know this. But you guys I just feel so hopeless and depressed right now that I really don't know what to do. I have so much pride and this warped perception of independence that I have driven myself into this weird state of debt. I have it coming at me from all angles. School, Work, Family, Car, DENTIST? I have no idea how I was able to do this all within 5 short months. I'm so sorry for the negative post I just didn't know what else to do.

A blessing for me would be to go out right now. Get a job as a waitress today. Start working tonight. And start earning tips. I would like to think that is possible. It isn't but what a miracle that would be right?

So here is the deal. I need everyone.. EVERYONE to please, please pray for me. I know God hears my prayers but I feel like this calls for some team effort. If any of you can just put in a prayer for me to just overcome this obstacle and to just be strong and lead by Christ in these difficult times I would greatly appreciate it! I know with GOD all things are possible.

Right now I want to just break down and cry for myself. I am choosing to not do that. I am going to:
  • get up and go walk outside to pick up my car. 
  • Put the 15 dollars worth of gas that I can afford in it.
  • Go to church and help with the PROPHECY CONFERENCE taking place. 
  • PRAY.
  • PRAY.
  • PRAY
  • give thanks to GOD even though I strongly want to believe there is nothing to be thankful for.
I know that this is going to have severe consequences. Some of them may not be resolved for another 5years. But this is the path that I have chosen and I am going to do my best to be a woman and stand up and take care of what I need to. I really am scared. My poor mother has been helping me but she doesn't even know that I can't pay her back now. The car has already been fixed and payed for too! Ugh.

So if anyone knows where I can go to get a loan that would be greatly appreciated :)!  I'm on my way to get my car and check out a cash advance/loan place. Please be praying for me! Being an adult is SO fun isn't it?

I know someone out there can relate to this situation. If you want to share how you came out of it that would be amazing! ha ha. Encouragement is needed right now on my end.

P.s. I don't think I will be running away anytime soon now that I let that all out!




♥cheche

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