Happy New Year!

Please forgive me.

I've been much too busy living in the real world...

I have neglected my ever so lovely blog reality and the duties which come with it.

Let me just say GOD IS AT WORK.

And He certainly has been at work.

I brought in the new year breaking bread in communion, praying and singing to the Lord with amazing family from church.
I couldn't have asked for a better first day of the new year than a trip in Betsy to LA to visit REALITY LA and have some amazing pizza at the RAINBOW BAR AND GRILL.

Yeah, it practically is a bar but the pizza is so good and those waitresses could use some good godly customers every now and then since they always seem to have the worst attitude when we come :(.

I actually felt bad for my waitress tonight.
People probably come in and eat and drink and spend loads of money and treat her like crap.
Bless her heart for trying to be cordial, I could tell by the end she really was trying to please us.

I won't go into much detail on this post but recently I was involved with someone.

Not dating! Nothing physical or romantic.

But involved in a relationship that for the first time had my heart being tempted.

Tempted to give more of myself emotionally or spiritually to a man on this earth.

Tempted to develop a false version of a real relationship.
Tempted to desire intimacy and a relationship!!

When I came to the Lord I had a boyfriend.

I left said boyfriend for more Christ to enter my life and to flee the sin involved.

The Lord allowed my heart to be broken.

I broke up with my boyfriend and literally mourned.

I mourned the death of my sin, because I had sexually and emotionally given every last piece of CheChe away that I was capable of in a relationship with a man who was not my husband and also did not desire to have a strong and independent relationship with Jesus.

So, of course, it hurt to leave him.
It broke my darn heart honestly.

I cried all day for weeks.

After a month I had peace about the decision and confirmation from the LORD that the next man who pursued me would be my husband.

And that the man who pursued me would (kinda like my ex did actually) not just make his intentions known but would value me as a woman of God and faith and would desire me with such passionate and pure intentions...

God spoke into my sinful little broken heart a promise of what the man He would allow me to be with looked like and that hope is what brought forth the ability to really stay away from my ex.

The fact that Gods voice was so clear only made me fall into an even deeper love and revelation of His character.

I learned that my JEHOVAH-JIRAH provided hope in grief. Joy in the midst of sadness and despair and peace in uncertainty.

All that being said to say that I put this aside recently.

I allowed myself to mistake a friendship for a potential relationship.

I allowed myself to mistake flirtation for pursuit.

And I also allowed myself to mistake improper boldness for boldness of character.

Now that may sound a bit harsh, but this is what it is.

This is what I was doing.

Of course, it doesn't seem like sin.

But I tell you I have never in my walk been so torn over a guy.

So distraught over the whys, how's and what does this means's?

Excuse the grammatical faults :).

But I pushed it all aside.

Because he is an amazing man of GOD.

And because he gave me attention...

The past two years of my walk have been comprised of me having walls with men.

I put up walls so that I could not fall into the snare of "love" again.

So that I could be freed of any distractions.

And to be honest it worked for a while.

But walls can only stand so long before the Lord breaks them and allows you to face the world.

And God allowed me to go through this purely out of HIS goodness... HIS desire to make me more like HIM...And HIS character of refinement and making us beautiful in HIM.

I praise Him for this painful yet rewarding time.

I praise Him for being Jesus.

I praise Him for knowing I was strong enough to go through this and endure with HIM!

I praise Him for reminding me only of HIS love for me and how much He desires to give me the best of the best for HIS glory alone...

I just wanted to share this long story of mine to let you know how my heart has been.

Also to let you know that I am, of course, a real woman walking with the Lord on earth.

I struggle and battle and I have to choose daily and hourly to rely and trust in the Lord.

I encourage you ladies to seek HIM first and know that everything else will be added.

Know that everything else will be given to you.

Know that HE will lead you through the desert and from exile and from slavery.

Our GOD withholds no good thing ladies...

Trust in Him this year.

Make that a "resolution" of yours.

To trust HIM alone this year...

♥CheChe