Love ♥

I love that God is at the center of my life.

Even though I am constantly struggling AGAINST MYSELF I have so many amazing tools here in America to strengthen, encourage and build me up in Him.

Tonight at Church I was blown away by something the pastor said.
He was speaking of how the DEVIL uses many things to distract us from God.
True.
But one of the things He mentioned caught me off guard.
He mentioned how the Devil uses US.
He uses US!
As in sometimes I am my own worst enemy.
And boy did I feel like a convicting LIGHTBULB went off in my head.
Mainly because it is sooooo True.
I am constantly struggling with myself and my thoughts and who I am before the Lord.
You see, I have this grand vision of being fully surrendered and used for and by GOD to bring Glory to His name.
And right now I don't feel I am that woman.
I know I am HIS but I  haven't allowed Christ to operate fully in me and at His fullest capacity.
I want desperately to be the woman who worships Him in spirit and in truth.
Who allows Christ to be seen moreso than herself and is completely selfless in the LOVE and GRACE that she pours out to others.
However, the problem with WANTING TO BE THAT WOMAN and BEING THAT WOMAN is that CHRIST is the only one who can accomplish it. NOTHING OF ME CAN OR EVER WILL MAKE ME MORE LIKE JESUS. JESUS HIMSELF MAKES ME MORE LIKE JESUS.

I wake up desiring to be used. Wanting desperately to be like Christ.
And as soon as my feet hit the floor and I get to work I realize that I cannot do it.
That quite frankly I SUCK at representing our savior 24/7.

I am quick to anger and slow to forgive.
I am quick to boast and slow to humility.
I just cannot BE LIKE CHRIST in and of my own strength.

-me

Well... here lies the problem. The root of my issues as of late.
BEING LIKE CHRIST HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME AND EVERYTHING TO DO WITH CHRIST IN ME.
There is no way that I can possibly be GODLY without GOD in me.
And God is in me begging to be seen and heard.
But I have been quite too occupied with Che and her flaws and failures to allow Christ to shine forth.

The Love that He has for this world and for me is unrecognizable.
YET He wants ME to be His witness of this great love.
He has called ME to show this world the love, grace and mercy that HE ALREADY showed on the cross.
He has called me to step aside and be quiet so that HIS voice can be heard across the globe and seen throughout this CITY, COUNTY and THIS STATE.
GOD WANTS TO USE ME!!
The "chiefess" of sinners if you will.
A girl who knows nothing of how to show real LOVE.
A girl who has fallen so many times the spiritual wounds on my knees drench our saviors healing bandages.
I am weak.
I am so ,so very weak.
And CHRIST has called me to be made strong  in HIM not in myself..

All of this is common knowledge to most of you.
And to me it is only a reiteration of what I already know.
But the beauty of all of this is that GOD has not forgotten me.
He hasn't pushed me aside because of my doubtful faith or my lack of focus  in who He is.
He hasn't stopped speaking to me or drawing me near.
He hasn't shunned me from understanding His mystery of the Gospel.
No. None of these things have happened.
In fact, God has only amplified His voice.
He has tugged deeper at my heart these last few weeks than ever before. He has challenged me to say that

despite how much I feel I cannot go on, GOD is in control and will see me through.

This has been my prayer for some time now.
And here I am writing to you all at 2:40 am about God showing me once again how simple the solution is.
I am so cloudy with the tension of being freed of myself and my cares for myself and being set free in the SPIRIT. I am so frustrated and thirsty to partake in HIS flowing rivers of life and to bathe underneath his glorious sun. Life as I know it is being changed and transformed right underneath me and there is nothing I can do or say to slow it down or stop it.

My focus is HIM.

He is all I must look to.

His love for me is what CHANGES my perspective and my beliefs.

His love for me is what makes me love like HIM.

His love for me is where my eyes must rest day in and day out.

I must choose to look to Christ and not myself.

Not myself...

GOD is my hope and my desire.

He is my beginning and end and when my flesh fades GOD will still be.

Pour out your spirit Lord and let your love be seen.

I want Him.
I want nothing BUT Him.
I want the world to KNOW HIM in ME.


This is my heart.
I pray it made sense to you all.
GOD is so good is he not??

This is LOVE.

"FOR GOD SO LOVED THE WORLD THAT HE GAVE HIS ONLY BEGOTTEN SON THAT WHOSOEVER SHALL BELIEVETH IN HIM SHOULD NOT PERISH BUT HAVE EVERLASTING LIFE" 

JOHN 3:16