A thought on Marriage and my life.

About being married.

I'm not. Praise the Lord because I am in no shape to help ANYONE in that capacity.

But I have some thoughts and ideas and insight into it all that I wanted to jot down quickly.

Since, my blog is made for the eyes of women and all women are following me I feel comfortable being QUITE transparent with you ladies.

And some of you have wisdom and insight I would love to receive feedback from.

One thing that I find interesting is how my life has worked so far in that area.
I came to the Lord out of a relationship to an ungodly man in exchange for a Godly relationship with the Lord.

God immediately, in and through His word, began speaking to me about the topic of relationships with men.

I didn't find it as interesting then because I was a baby believer, I had no christian women in my life and I thought that it was normal and maybe that was just how God started with women when they first got saved.

Upon talking to different sisters at church I started realizing I was special. Not in a holier than thou way, but that God had specifically revealed and spoken what He spoke to me for me and for me alone. Or at least it seemed that way because nobody else was seeing and hearing in the scriptures what I was about biblical conduct and relationships with men.

His mission had been so clear it was like an audible voice was telling me. I was to focus on building strong relationships with women at church and studying His word and I DID NOT at ALL have the liberty to be close to men at church. This was NOT something all my friends were hearing from the Lord.

I took that to heart and pondered it and gave it to the Lord.

Another strange thing that has consistently happened throughout my walk is the prophetic insight older women and even men have given me about this husband they all "see" for me.

One pastor that I respect and admire told me bluntly recently "Whoever your husband is he's going to be a strong man" and actually laughed after He said it. I really want to know the translation for these giggles people seem to have the urge to let loose after saying things like "He is going to be one bold man"... "I don't know what he will look like but I know his personality and its going to be interesting to see, your going to actually shutup and listen when he talks." *(har har)

I had a woman a couple months ago cut me off as I was sharing in a leaders meeting to tell me "Che, your husband is going to be very knowledgable in the scriptures. He's going to have a great understanding of the word of God and be a leader..."

(insert awkward pause in the group meeting)

"I dont know why I'm telling you this but I just feel it pressed on my heart to tell you he is going to be very knowledgable and someone special and the Lord is working on him"

(insert me awkwardly laughing because I hate focused attention like this)

I took that to heart and pondered it and gave it to the Lord.

Apart from those two random moments people have always seemed to have such blunt and matter of fact things to say about me and some man I could personally die before I end up meeting. Afterall, life is a vapor and nothing is guaranteed.

I am not big on praying for signs or laying out fleeces. God told me in my first month of breaking things off with my ex that I didnt need to worry about who my husband was or dating. He told me that he had that all taken care of and to just focus on seeking Him. He made it clear I would never date again until I met my husband and that my husband would propose and not ask me to be his girlfriend. For a few years I thought that was kinda intense and farfetched in my generation but I've recently witnessed exactly that happen with a close sister and it was as if God was saying, nothing is too hard for me.

and so far His word has not proven false.

Being a believer that there are no coincidences with Christ its just one of those things that I often feel is both random and purposed. But why in the world would God want to have people tell me random things like

"Che, are you willing to wait five years for your husband? It might take that long!"

another person a year later...

"Che you'll be married within 5 years and that is putting a little padding on it. Trust me"

etc...

I have no idea why I am writing all of this down because it isn't really coming together as a question like I thought it would. I believe the real reason I started writing on here today was to just get it all out for the sake of recording it.

As I mentioned before in the my previous post I love where I am at in life.

I honestly get upset hearing my roomates say I'll be the first to be married and move out... It sort of bothers me thinking about someone trying to pursue me right now because... I mean, I just moved in ya kno :(??

Yeah, selfish perspective but self out of it I just don't see why there is any rush to change something in the next few years that is so blessed and peaceful.

Maybe this is also an attempt to try to tell God what I need and want and what He should not do?

I'm such a sick little sinner huh?

Welp. This post started in the spirit of wanting to ask a question I didn't quite understand and ended with an answer about how wicked, fearful, annoying and stubborn I am.

So, I will end it with a much needed "THY WILL BE DONE LORD"

♥CheChe