leavened CheChe

Things are going back to where God had brought me.
Peace and focus mentally.
But apart from that minor 1 week trial (it felt like a year) I feel distant.
I was listening to our dear, homebound, Pastor David Wilkerson.
He was speaking to me about how I've changed.
He didn't know I was listening but God knew I would.

I related all too much.
There is compromise in my walk.
Even now it took me almost 3 hours to turn my heart to worship.
I was sucked in.
My sin of obsession blossomed, one television show, one song...and I'm hooked.

I've changed.
Despite how minor it may seem on the outside, God knows my heart.
He searches it.
That is my hope when these convictions arise, that I'm not being uber spiritual.
There is a God in heaven who sees the desires He has placed within me and sees me when I fail at them.
HE sees me when I walk in my flesh no matter how subtle it looks.

Thank you Lord, that I only answer to you...It relieves the fear of man that can easily arise.

A little leaven leavens the whole lump.
My leaven has spread.

Not having my car has caused me to need to need to develop new disciplines.
No more driving away to a coffee shop, restaurant or cafe to get my reading and studying done.
No more easy get aways with the Lord.

I have to find a way to sneak around my schedule to get to Him.
And when I am home, which is often, I need desperately to learn to be with Him in uncomfortable environments...

So that is where I am at as of today.

God, I want to repent from this and bear some juicy and delicious fruit.
Holy spirit I ask that you lead me into that work that You have prepared.


mmm.