New Blog & a New heart part1 ♥

Despite how much more vision I have for this little space of mine, time is minimal. I like having the side bar addition to follow me as an option, however I also understand that it isn't too big of  a deal since I'm not really blogging in a way that gets my blog out there. So I think the sacrifice was worth it. I like the clean feel here. It feels like a nice journal, an oasis, refuge in time of need. A place less cluttered with me and more focused on my thoughts. Perhaps I feel that way because I have grown and changed in the past couple years. How long has it been I wonder? 3 maybe four? However long it has been it has been a blessing.

I have met so many women who inspire me and show me that I am weird but I'm not the only weirdo in this world ;). Women who challenge my faith and strengthen my hearts desire to follow Christ. Women who make me laugh with their relationship stories of being with a foreigner and women who bless me with their transparency of enduring through struggles. For whatever reason the Lord brought me here a few years ago by means of a good sister. He brought me here when I was freshly saved and broken up with my idol relationship. He brought me here in the midst of realizing how much I loved sin yet wanted all of Him. He brought me here heartbroken with so much to say and so much need for comfort. He lead me this way.

I was thinking of deleting my blog.

So I went through and deleted other blogs instead. Ones I barely read, ones I no longer relate to and ones that just aren't even in existence anymore. I cleaned up shop. And then I got here and rearranged my space. Put wallpaper up and threw out the old header and minimized all my junk. And I thought, the problem wasn't the space but it was what is filling the space.

Lately God has been emptying me out. Emptying me of desires. I had suffered through really, really, really, really liking someone this year. It was a first as a Christian woman. I had thought guys were attractive, of course I mean I am a woman, but usually once they spoke it went away or just being able to see their walk with the Lord would turn me off from the shell. But then almost two years ago I got struck in my heart. I thought maybe it was just something passing. I was probably just getting attacked because my focus wasn't there. But it didnt go away. So I did my best to avoid that object of my affection. I avoided, and kept communication short and sweet to keep myself from being distracted or knowing more about them. But it didn't go away. Instead I just threw myself more into fellowship with sisters and praying for others and just fellowship. Then it all changed one night and I thought wtheck!! I was doing so well God why is this coming to me... But instead of seeking GOD consistently I ran with it. I played along and fed my hearts dumb, dumb desires. 

I forgot who I was and who my heart truly belonged to. I gave away my time and thoughts freely as if I wasn't the daughter of the high King. Even after attempting to make it clear I had feelings and realizing this person didn't I allowed them in my life in a way that was far too intimate for my own personal convictions. I walked in the flesh and loved and hated every moment of it all in one. This my dear friends is the recipe for misery with fleeting moments of bliss. A horrible way to live as a believer in my opinion.

... This is getting long. I'll post the rest tomorrow... Blessings y'all!

♥CheChe