At the moment I am realizing who Christ has become in my life. My strength. I am so weak. Despite the physical ailments I see so much of who I am these days. I used to have eyes that mainly saw what I was on the outside. That brought depression because, well, I won't go too into that, but I am not the type of girl you see plastered on Billboards, Magazines, Videos or Movies. But this inward vision I have received is different. I don't have society to compare what I am inwardly to. I don't have those media images to tell me who I SHOULD be.
Okay, maybe there are a few out there but they all say the same thing. "Be a good person". That about summarizes it all. However, that doesn't lead to any improvement when your good is being compared to what your perception of good is. Again, I will not be getting into that argument either because this isn't where I come to write philosophical essays. Praise God for that.
But this inward me is immediately contrasted against the character and man of Jesus the Christ. And I am left pouring out my heart wanting more of Him and less of me. The halfhearted prayers become precise.
- Lord help me with my lust.
- Lord help me with my pride when it comes to not feeling smarter than everyone in the room
- Lord help me with my lust.
- Lord help me with my pride when it comes to judging others as they speak to me
- Lord help me with my wicked heart and how I am often feeling like nobody thinks I'm important or good enough to do something.
- Lord help me with my self-denial and the fact that you have given me the desire to teach your word and learn your word... Help me to accept your desires for my life...
- etc...
Can you guys relate? And I could definitely add another handful of help me with my lust. I still get flashbacks of the moments I shared with my ex. I lost my virginity to him and I often have to just close my eyes and pray for the Lord to take my mind and cleanse it from the past, and the things I've done with him.
Sorry for being so raw there. But I really just want to showcase what strength I am speaking of. I am not a strong, black woman. I am a sinner who is so weak and in need of a savior. I may have a strong and assertive personality but in the eyes of Christ, who looks at the heart... I am such a weak creation. Take out black and woman. That is what is left.
And it is beautiful. Because I see Christ, Our Father in Heaven and the Holy Spirit more in their true value.
Oh, how I need God. In His entirety. I need a fresh filling of His spirit. I need Christs love and teachings and the God of all comfort and Father or mercies to be with me every waking moment.
I am strong when I am weak.
And oh, how weak I am.
♥CheChe
2 HugsandBlessings:
Sweetie, stop whipping yourself.
Jesus already did that for you.
Whenever I'm struggling with the sinner/saint paradox I go to Romans 7:14-25. Go look it up. For the first several verses Paul is struggling with his sin. He doesn't want to sin, but he does anyway. He wants to do good, but does wrong instead.
But look at verses 24 and 25.
"What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? THANKS BE TO GOD- THROUGH JESUS CHRIST OUR LORD!"
He already rescued us from it.
Later in chapter 8 he writes...
"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, either height nor depth, nor anything elsecin all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
That includes YOUR PAST. YOUR PAST AND YOUR PRESENT STRUGGLES will NEVER make God stop loving you.
When we dwell in our past and dwell on our sins... it's like we are leaving Jesus in the grave. But he's not in the grave.
HE ROSE AGAIN AND DEFEATED IT.
So please, I say this in love, let it go. Jesus took the punishment so we don't have to punish ourselves.
I know exactly how you feel as I just went through the most painful ever break up myself almost two months ago. Know this, you will be fine. Let the good love of God heal you. Sending you cyber hugs.
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