Just a Letter ♥

I don't know how to love you anymore...

I don't know how to pretend that you don't piss me off.

That I don't think you are a prideful, self-centered, ridiculous man at times.

I dont know how to get over the fact that you are apart of the division in many other womens hearts.

I dont know to feel okay with your being in a position that is a priviledge and accept that GOD put you there.

I don't know how to love you with PURITY.
I don't know howt to not SEE that whenever you talk to me it is not just out of duty of response or politeness.

You aren't genuine with me.

And I am not able to be genuine with you.

My face hurts when I smile at you. Because I don't want to sincerely do it.

Tonight, you made me sad.

It hurts when all I hear from you are discouragement.

You make me question my heart.

I wanted desperately to say it was conviction but the feelings produced once again lead to condemnation.

I prayed for you again.

I haven't been doing that recently.

I just complain about you.

That is all I could do.

Rather than cry.

Or apologize.

I want to run away from this place and find a new home just so I can get away from you and people like you.

But I didn't do anything wrong.

I want to tell you that you need to guard your heart.

Because you aren't.

I want to tell you how to be a REAL MAN OF GOD.

But that isn't my place.
Your problems are not mine to correct.

Or mine to point out.

Honestly, if I didn't have the support I have in Christ and fellowship YOUR the reason I would stop going to church.
Your the reason I have stopped coming to church before.

I want to slap you.

I want to sin against you in the most painful of physical of ways sometimes.

I see that God works on my heart whenever I interact with you.
You were created for a purpose and GOD loves you so much.

God loves you PASSIONATELY.

But I don't know how to see you fully in His eyes.

And I am praying that GOD would restore us.

Not to perfection.

But to HIS STANDARDS of what brothers and sisters are supposed to be.

JUST GENUINE LOVE.

I feel right now like it may never happen. But God is so powerful.

Who AM I TO DOUBT HIS PLANS?

Why would he withhold HIS peace from any relationship between two of HIS children.

I am praying for you.

I want to love you someday with absolute purity.

I will not take these thoughts to others, whether sisters or brothers.

I am taking you to HIS altar.

I am sacrificing your role in my life to our HEAVENLY father.

You can resist all you want.

BUT I WILL NOT GIVE UP!

I WILL PRAY FOR YOU!
AND I WILL PRAY TO LOVE YOU!

Because you are too much of a destructive thought in my world to just allow it to go on any longer in my own strength.

Thank you for listening God.

I really need you in this area.

It makes me sick to think about it.

Please heal this...

Thank you Lord.

♥CheChe