Simple.
Straight to the point.
Quite convicting.
I was thinking about my ex and his alcoholism moments in
our relationship as a very dear sister poured out her heart to me.
This thought came to mind...
"We look just like crazy little alcholics, bulimics, messed up people to CHRIST
when we just sit here and say we are so repentant and cry and have
all of this sorrow towards our sin, then as soon as we are over the pain
we go right back to it!"
Isn't that the truth!?
I remember hearing him say "Today is my last time drinking so I'm just
going to drink my last time."
I was so naive you guys.
Because I thought this was how it worked.
I seriously thought it was normal to give up something by doing it
excessively and being just plain VULGAR before stopping.
So when he preceded to drink a huge slurpees worth of jack and coke
I thought nothing of it.
When he passed out at my park on the bench I thought "What am I doing?"
to myself. But the need to have him in my life overrode any redflags. (ha ha)
As I put him in my bed and took off his shoes and tucked him in (seriously?)
I thought "I'm so happy that he is done drinking after tonight! :)"
Well,
I was pretty darn, well let me just be honest, stupid.
Fast forward and we will argue and I will physically hurt him
because of this same issue that he was so sad over and ready to give up.
God has a different view of repentance.
It is one where he just doesn't quite care how we "FEEL".
Repentance, as my pastor put it this Friday, is something that
bears FRUIT.
"WHAT DOES YOUR REPENTANCE TREE LOOK LIKE?"
Is it frail and dingy? Constantly weeping without actually sprouting
out anything that shows a sign of actual change?
Well then, my dear friend, looks like you *(and I) have not repented.
I will leave you with this. It is a simple definition that was placed on my heart tonight
over the issue. I hope and pray it challenges and convicts and brings you to a true repentance.
God is so loving and he showed us his love is such a real and straightforward DEMONSTRATION we should be doing the same for Him when He calls us away from our sin. JUST DO IT! That is my new motto with my sin. Of course, I will not be perfect but when God burdens my heart to repent I will stop FEELING SORRY and start moving away from it and closer to Him. Because He did that for me on the cross.
Repentance. "It isn't a feeling it is a verb. Stop doing it. Put it down. Walk away." The Lord convicts us not to harden our hearts towards Him but to cause us to move further from our sin and closer to Him... Tears mean nothing when I just go right back to my sin after. Repentance.
♥CheChe
