Warfare....

Is real. 

I'm sitting here practically shaking.

No, no demons in sight.

No crazy things in sight.

Tomorrow, I'm getting baptized.

I know, I know.
DOESN'T THAT HAPPEN WAYYYYY EARLIER?

Well, although I see nothing wrong with getting baptized immediately.

I was paralyzed with fear about this in so many ways for the last two years.

For someone who is bold and open socially I cannot stand to do things 

publicly that make me completely vulnerable and call for a level of 

transparency that only the Lords strength can deliver to us.

So here I am. Shaking internally.

On my couch.
Full of fear but so much hope at the same time.

I know tomorrow will be a day to remember.

The Lord has made this so special.

The weekend of my birthday.

At a church filled with sisters that I truly love and I know love me.

With so much joy in my heart for what this act will mean to my FATHER in heaven.

Today on my way home the thoughts of lust were rolling in.

Sinful and just dirty stuff.

That is where the flesh is weak in me.

Well, one of the places where the flesh is weak in me.

Let's just keep it real I battle in the mind.

That is where the battle takes place.

Looking at porn.

Victory in christ.

Smoking weed.

Christ overcame it.

Cutting myself.

God helped me surrender.

Breaking up the man I thought I'd be with forever.

Slowly but sure enough through Christ I let it go.

Seeing the things that I did sexually in the past.

I can linger a bit before I remember to pray.

Lieing.

Sometimes I don't even realize until the words have come out.

Envy...

That one needs to go.

Anger...

True, its gotten better but no cigar.

Self-control...
Well, that one sort of links to all the aforementioned ones.

Now, now. Before you get all sweet and encouraging.

Yes, I am not aiming towards perfection.
And I know that I will go through sanctification until my dieing breath.

But I want to be HOLY.

I want to stand in VICTORY.

I want to be set apart from the ways of this WORLD.

I want empowerment from ON HIGH.

The spirit that LIVES in me seeks to proclaim the name of JESUS

mightily and I want to be USED to make that proclamation.

THAT IS MY AIM.

TO STAY IN HIS PRESENCE.

And the enemy will bind me no longer in FEAR.

Tomorrow I will be baptized in the name of the Father, The Son and The Holy Spirit.

And I will not be afraid to fall before Him in humility and profess how much I NEED him.

I will NOT BE AFRAID MY LORD.

Warfare is real.

When you recognize it for what it is.

And I am blessed to know that I am a threat.

I am so completely blessed.

♥cheche