insecure ♥

Why do all the women I follow seem so beautiful?

Why do they all look like current and former models?

Why do they all seem to have a special someone in their life.

Why are they able to encourage and build up so many women?

Why...?

Why...?

Why...?

This is where my head can go sometimes.

As I sift through all of your blogs.

I guess my insecurities have always lead me to jealousy.

Not a vicious "I HOPE SHE LOSES IT ALL" type of jealousy.

But a pathetic... "OH, Lord...What about me?"

Type of jealousy.

Not much better but the truth.

You guys are so amazing.

Some of you are so healthy and I just sit around doing nothing to be healthy these days.

Some of you have smiles that light up your whole page.

My braces and chubby cheeks keep me from doing ANY picture posts.

Some of you are in relationships...

Enough said on that topic.

LoL

BUT.

I think I am in need of letting this out.

I follow what I WANT.

Your relationship with our savior.

Your style.

Your body.

The fact that you have a man...ha ha

The fact that your an amazing mom.

The fact that you have TALENT!!!! AND you get to use it too!!!

The fact that you have amazing style and rock the most amazing outfits.

The fact that your so content with the life GOD has blessed you with.

The fact that you are 100percent CONSUMED and used by the Holy Spirit.

The fact that you seem to be the type of girl who doesn't DO small talk :).

The fact that you are your own person.

Your amazing ETSY SHOP! Your a business owner that is such an acheivement.

Your amazing family.

You love your parents and they love you and you guys like take pictures together sometimes too...

Your beautiful eyes :).

Your photography skills.

Your weight.

Your height.

The city you live in.

The degree you have.

The job you have.

I am a covetousness little monster.

And all this does is feed SATANS brewing lies within me.

My weak flesh just loves it.

It eats it up.

WHY?
Because it paralyzes me spiritually.

In these moments I am incapable of hearing the voice of God.

Of responding to that voice.
Of being and knowing that I am loved by the creator of this universe.

It distracts me and shows me just how flawed I am.

And I eat it up like thanksgiving leftovers.

I'm probably not the nicest girl.

The prettiest girl.

The most attractive woman to the opposite sex *whatevaaaa*

The best dressed.

The most SPIRITUAL.

The greatest encourager.

I'm probably none of the things that you all are.

But when I compare myself to ALL of you countless times I am only bound to continue to fall short.
And God doesn't look at all of that.

He is seeking WOMEN who stand up in the name of Jesus and say I AM HIS.

HE is after hearts!

He is desiring SOULS.

Not the girls who are dressed best,

have amazing boyfriends,

great husbands,

amazing taste in music,

great photography skills, 

amazing recipes,

great etsy shops,

hundreds of followers...

HE IS LOOKING FOR THE ETERNAL.

AND HE IS PRAYING FOR US TO USE OUR GIFTS TO BRING GLORY TO HIM.

HE IS LOOKING FOR WOMEN WHO DIE TO THEIR FLESH EVERY DAY SO HE CAN BE SEEN.

And I have not allowed Christ to shine perfectly.

But I desire it.
I hunger for it.

I need MORE of Him.

I want MORE of HIM....

There is so much to be said about why  I can't just seem to love myself and approve of the way God created me.

It is the thorn of thorns in my life.

But I know God has a plan and that plan is perfect and great.

And somehow, someway I will be broken of this debilitating, selfish love of this world.

And that is the hope I have that allows me to smile after showing you the filthy little woman I am.

PRAISE GOD FOR BEING GOD.

Oh God,

Strengthen me to know your love and love you more.

I want you.

Please consume me Father.

♥CheChe