I am a runner. That is what I do. I enjoy doing it in every single way EXCLUDING actual physical exercise. Dear Jesus, help me.
I know that many people struggle with starting things. But I LOVE starting things. I love the excitement of embarking on an adventure of ANY type. I love that beginning rush that comes from something new. I guess I might be a starter junkie? I start a lot of things. I have began many works. I started college. I started bible college. I started serving. I started working out. I start and leave. I start and I run. I start and I get scared. I don't really think too much. I just GO! Slowing down before God has been a big challenge. I just want to GO. But the Lord doesn't always have that plan. Sometimes He just wants me to walk. Not to run with excitement towards the next hill or mountain. Just run. Just walk. Just be with Jesus step by step. Yet I get so wrapped up in the excitement that I overlook where Jesus is calling me and blatantly ignore His opinion. His command.
Ugh. But thankfully. He loves me nonetheless. What precious Grace. What great Mercy.
The truth about Africa is I want to go with everything in me. I want to be with the Lord in Africa. I want to experience Africa. I want to be used in Africa. I want to see Africa. I want HIM to take me with HIM to Africa. But that is NOT His plan and it breaks my heart. It breaks my pride. I have to now tell everyone. Every. Single. Person. Who has prayed for and with me. I no longer am going. I have to remember the voice of GOD and cling to Him because it doesn't make any sense. How now I could be so close and not there at all.
The Lord is good all the time. MY confusion is not of Him. He knows what He is doing. He knows what I am meant to do and where I am meant to stay. He knows me. And He loves me. So God I offer this to you. I give AFRICA back to you. I surrender it willingly. I do not know why your Spirit does not permit me. But I do know that you are near and close to those who love you. Thank you God. Thank you for leading me. I love you!
