Pride and Burden ♥

It is going to cost 600 dollars to fix my fuel pump. Although it isn't necessarily a HUGE sum of money for someone already in a bit of a deficit in life it, kinda just makes me want to scream into my pillow and feel sorry for myself all day. I plan on going to the Christian Clubs first meeting at 1230 and I'm assuming a bike ride will take the ease off of things.

Being in situations that are uncomfortable really suck, if I'm not being too frank. I just can't understand how MONEY can be such a huge issue. I don't understand why it seems to be a reoccurring struggle or burden in my life. If the majority of my major trials in life had a theme it would be under FINANCES. 

I suck at saving. I can admit that FINALLY. A couple of years too late however. I was never raised with real money management skills nor did I really start having financial responsibilities until my first year of college when I started working my first real job. Life just sort of fell upon me I guess and I didn't have the right tools to maintain a budget or really know what that word meant when applied to my life. I feel like these are definitely things I am realizing I want to instill into my children, if I ever have any of course. Is it weird I'm always thinking about my "future" kids so much. I mean, I don't even have a man? Really, I can't speak on it too much because the thoughts still strike me as odd sometimes, but I know GOD is at work in that area because I used to not be able to STAND kids or the idea of having one. Now, I'm planning their lives? He really works in some CRAZY ways.

I guess my biggest problem with the whole thing is (drum roll please) my mother. For example, when she offered to have her friend use their triple A so I wouldn't have to call _______, I asked her about it when the time arose and she asked ME to call HER FRIEND. I struggle with pride issues. I have not shied from that truth. I just really don't enjoy asking people for anything. A dollar to cover a meal? Sure. Time? Not so much. Inconveniencing someone I am not close with or on the other end someone I really love and respect gives me anxiety. I guess there is a pro and con to this. My mom is not the enemy and she loves me dearly which is why she offered in the first place. The problem isn't so much with her as it is with her not understanding just WHAT she is asking of me. She isn't the problem. She just doesn't/ did not understand. I feel like she does now though. Perhaps, she struggled with pride when she was my age and was able to see exactly why I would rather walk than pick up a phone. Has anyone else struggled with this? Am i wrong in my thinking? Any advice. I just want to grow deeper into the woman I am destined to be. I can see something like this getting in the way of a great relationship. Pride can really be heavy and I would like to choose to work on it now than later.

Thanks for listening y'all.